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Can you explain to me why doing chores is exploitation? I know you and my wife both think that by asking him to take out the trash or put away his clothes, I'm overworking him and being unfair
Because he never asked to be born and has no recourse to no longer be alive, considering suicide is illegal.
So he was forced into existence and is being kept into existence against his own hill.
Then nothing should be expected of him until both people responsible for bringing him into existence are dead.
There's no way this kid is ready even for community college if he's getting 22% on any test. It would be a waste of money. He needs to learn a trade or go into the service. I had a step-brother who sounded just like this, and his mother (who I never lived with; she and my dad married when the kids were all over 18) always made excuses for him, too. He was smarter than the teachers, so he did poorly in school was my favorite. Part of being smart is figuring out how to get along in the world even when you don't like a class or a boss or hundreds of other things adults have to learn to deal with. Four years in the Navy worked wonders on him.
There's no way this kid is ready even for community college if he's getting 22% on any test. It would be a waste of money. He needs to learn a trade or go into the service. I had a step-brother who sounded just like this, and his mother (who I never lived with; she and my dad married when the kids were all over 18) always made excuses for him, too. He was smarter than the teachers, so he did poorly in school was my favorite. Part of being smart is figuring out how to get along in the world even when you don't like a class or a boss or hundreds of other things adults have to learn to deal with. Four years in the Navy worked wonders on him.
I strongly disagree. If you just "figure out how to get along" you dilute yourself in the process because the people easiest at getting along with others are those below average intellectually.
But even if you are impossible to get along with, you would always get at least an 80% or 85% on any assignment. Even subjective evaluations can only go so far.
It is pretty obvious what the problem is here. This child has been raised in a very lax home with few rules and what rules there are he darn well knows he doesn't have to take seriously. He knows his mom won't make him do anything he should be. OP, you think it is bad now, it will only get worse. Hopefully you can get through to your wife and son before he leaves the house plastered one night and kills himself or others while driving under the influence. You and your wife need to be on the same page. Take all this kids toys away (car and keys, video games, cell phone, etc.) and make him earn them back, and I don't mean doing something he is supposed to once or twice. Make him get better grades, get a summer job, and do his chores. You are not setting him up for a very good adulthood when he thinks he can just sleep and drink and let the world go by. Get this boy in shape now while you still can.
she'd do it by talking to me about it every second we'd be around each other until I gave in. I guess I feel that this should be a united front and that by giving him chores after she said he doesn't, I feel like I'm under minding her and leaving her out of the situation. If I did lay a load of chores on him out of nowhere, she would do them for him or just say he doesn't have to do them.
You're very sweet and kind to feel this way, especially since your wife's been undermining you for years.
You have several choice of actions:
Put up and shut up
Get wife to go to counseling and see if you guys can resolve your issues from there
(And this is a drastic option) Leave and let your wife reap what she sowed.
It is pretty obvious what the problem is here. This child has been raised in a very lax home with few rules and what rules there are he darn well knows he doesn't have to take seriously. He knows his mom won't make him do anything he should be. OP, you think it is bad now, it will only get worse. Hopefully you can get through to your wife and son before he leaves the house plastered one night and kills himself or others while driving under the influence. You and your wife need to be on the same page. Take all this kids toys away (car and keys, video games, cell phone, etc.) and make him earn them back, and I don't mean doing something he is supposed to once or twice. Make him get better grades, get a summer job, and do his chores. You are not setting him up for a very good adulthood when he thinks he can just sleep and drink and let the world go by. Get this boy in shape now while you still can.
This isn't true. I feel like I was raised in a pretty lax home with few rules as I got older and I turned into a perfectionist.
Also, taking everything away now isn't going to make any sense to the child when there is no change to his behavior. If OP wants to do that, the parents at least need to wait for a big screwup.
Otherwise, the child won't even realize why he is being punished.
Also, with his poor resume, no one would probably hire him, so I'm not sure it's fair to punish him now for something he did in the past.
The only reason OP got privileged to marry such a beautiful wife (supposedly) is because he lets her control her.
If OP even tries to assert himself, it will make little difference, since the wife is clearly the one who runs this household. And now on top of still having problems with his son, he will also have problems with his wife.
There is little upside for him to do anything, but wait it out.
I just wish I knew why my wife feels the need to make it so that he has absolutely no expectations. Why won't she let me give him chores? My feasible conclusion is that she wants to be the " cool parent" who he can brag about. Like I said though, he's 99% her. Everything he's doing now, she was doing 18 years ago. The sleeping, drinking, the skipping of chores and homework, that was her. So maybe she feels like " Well, I did this kind of stuff, never got reprimanded, and I straightened out, so he'll be fine". There were date nights where I'd come over at 5 to kind of hang out and pick her up, and she'd be sleeping.
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-04-2013 at 06:43 AM..
Because he never asked to be born and has no recourse to no longer be alive, considering suicide is illegal.
So he was forced into existence and is being kept into existence against his own hill.
Then nothing should be expected of him until both people responsible for bringing him into existence are dead.
Beat, I suspected that you were a teen/young adult living in Mommy and Daddy's basement playing video games and eating junk food all day but perhaps you are a 70 year old living in the basement of Mommy and Daddy's nursing home just waiting for them to die so that you can finally be on your own (and probably you are still playing video games and eating junk food all day).
Beat, I suspected that you were a teen/young adult living in Mommy and Daddy's basement playing video games and eating junk food all day but perhaps you are a 70 year old living in the basement of Mommy and Daddy's nursing home just waiting for them to die so that you can finally be on your own (and probably you are still playing video games and eating junk food all day).
I think that's it.
Beat, do you even HAVE children? I certainly hope the OP is not paying attention to you. Scary
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