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I fall in the tough love camp. I'd be giving him a month to find a place to live; or weekly drug tests for a long period of time while he lived in my house. It doesn't matter to me that he is "just" doing pot. He is breaking the rules of the house, and putting the entire family in a small amount of danger. Unacceptable.
Amazing the number of people that say "just" pot, by the way. Pot has been linked to increased cancer rates (curiously not lung cancer, though) "There are reasons in addition to lung cancer risk (and the fact that it is illegal) to avoid marijuana. Marijuana likely increases the risk of testicular cancer, prostate cancer, cervical cancer, a type of brain tumor, and the risk of leukemia in the offspring of women who use it during pregnancy." Does Smoking Marijuana Cause Lung Cancer
There's no point in threatening him with "treatment". There are people in treatment who need to be there, who are trying desperately to get sober, who have kids, who are going to die if they can't kick whatever serious and life threatening addiction they have.
Not only the above, but there is no treatment for MJ use (never mind selling). Insurance won't cover in-patient, and most treatment places expect the person to be seeking treatment. Again, there is no tx for MJ.
I can only agree with the many people who have said to call police, get him out safely (safely for the parents) and go to Al-Anon. Best wishes.
Tell the local cops you want to set up a undercover sting operation because you believe your kid is selling weed. Tell your son you have a friend that wants to buy some weed for their granny with cancer/glaucoma. ask the prices, make the phone call have the undercover sting cop come over and buy the pot. He will think its all good till the cops come arrest him search your house for his stash spot and lock him up for dealing. When your son asks whats up tell him he should have more respect for you when you asked him not to smoke/sell weed so now suffer the consequences. hell you could tell the local police you suspect you son of selling it and they will come search the house with a dog and if they find it they will arrest your kid. This is what happened to a buddy of mine in high school (20 plus years ago)and he still smokes weed and does alright for himself and his family in life but doesn't have the best relationship with mom and dad.
Yeah call the police and perhaps screw him up forever, then kick him out, no better way to turn a normal kid who likes a puff no and then into a hard drug using criminal. Why not just take him out back and shoot him it does not sound like you really care about him.
Talk to him!!! What does he say?
Is he really dealing or just buying big and selling a bit off among his friends to offset his costs like well most of my high school did way back when.
Yeah call the police and perhaps screw him up forever, then kick him out, no better way to turn a normal kid who likes a puff no and then into a hard drug using criminal. Why not just take him out back and shoot him it does not sound like you really care about him.
Talk to him!!! What does he say?
Is he really dealing or just buying big and selling a bit off among his friends to offset his costs like well most of my high school did way back when.
Exactly! How sad that everyone wants to have him charged so he'll have a criminal record for the rest of his life, plus saying just "throw the kid out". Talk to him and lay some rules.
Don't you remember when you were a kid? Didn't you smoke cigarettes behind the backstop? Didn't you sneak some booze and get drunk underage? Some of you are living in the dark ages. (shakes head) I suppose you think your teen angels aren't having premarital sex either?
Is he paying any rent? Is he doing his share of household chores? Is he buying groceries? Is he paying for his cell phone? Is he paying for his internet? Has he ever paid you back any money that he owes you? Has he offered?
I think the answer to those questions is going to be NO.
Also, he is not living by your house rules. So out he goes. Period. With no money. He can go to the Salvation Army if he hasn't got anyone to crash with.
Tell him you want him out by a specific date. He won't get out, I can almost bet money on it. He will argue with you, get mad and confrontational, etc. If he threatens you, or if you fear him physically, call the police. I mean call them RIGHT AWAY. What you're basically saying is that you're afraid that if you confront him, he will physically attack you. What do you base that fear on? Has he threatened you or actually physically assaulted you in the past? Are you telling me that the only reason he's still in your house is truly because you are genuinely afraid that he will physically assault you? If that's the case, then confront him with someone else there as a witness - perhaps a pastor or a trusted friend - or several friends. But anyway - tell him he must leave within a short time period.
When he doesn't comply, wait for the next time he goes somewhere, and call a locksmith and get the locks changed. Immediately. Meanwhile, get some plastic bags and pack up his stuff and set them outside on the porch.
And do NOT ever bail him out again. My son was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. I did not bail him out. He spent four days in jail. He said it was the turning point in his life. He has stayed completely out of trouble since then and has led a respectable life, making his own money and his own way ever since ( he was 18 at the time).
You MUST allow an out of control person like this to experience the ramifications of their actions.
Excellent post! OP read through that one again. You either take care of the problem head on or you face a lifetime with the behavior of your son. Chances are good if he doesn't stop that he'll end up in much worse circumstances. I always told my son if he became involved in drugs that I would call the police on him. He never did and really made something of himself and found a career where discipline is what it is about. If you enable, you are a part of the problem. Also, my son did shove me once when he was only 14 and I told him that if he did it again I would have him removed from the home. He did not do it again.
We have a 19 year old barely graduated High School. Got himself involved with the wrong kids and now he is not only smoking pot he is selling it. We have given him more than enough time to get his life started, but the outlook he has on life is absolutely ridiculous. We are filled with so much disappointment, sadness and shame that we don't know what to do anymore.
We took his car away recently because he got in an accident and we are paying for the car. Now we have that mess to deal with on top of everything else. We have given him more than we should have and also gave him many of time restraints, but none of it matters. When we tell him to go out and find an honest paying job he says "What is an honest paying job" We don't blame ourselves for the way he gone in life. Or at least we are not trying to. We keep telling ourselves he picked this path to walk down, we did not choose it for him.
Now our dilemma is getting him out. We just can't see it or do anything for him anymore. We just want him out of the house as long as he is involved in this behavior, but I cannot get into a physical confrontation with him. I have had two back surgery's and cannot afford to be out of work because of a conflict with him.
My wife and I were never into this kind of stuff when we were his age, so we are just lost. I don't want to call the cops on him I don't know if I can live with that, but we already bailed him out once while he was still in high school on a charge that is still pending.
I know most of you will say throw him out, but I just thought I'd ask.
He's legally an adult, you can't do much except put your foot down about the rules of your house. He needs to move out and you need to stop supporting him and his poor decisions.
Exactly! How sad that everyone wants to have him charged so he'll have a criminal record for the rest of his life, plus saying just "throw the kid out". Talk to him and lay some rules.
Don't you remember when you were a kid? Didn't you smoke cigarettes behind the backstop? Didn't you sneak some booze and get drunk underage? Some of you are living in the dark ages. (shakes head) I suppose you think your teen angels aren't having premarital sex either?
Except 19 is an adult. The son can make his own life and own decisions when he's paying his own mortgage or rent. As it is, he's mooching off the OP and not respecting their home. They need to toss him out -- the sooner the better. Since he's a drug dealer, he's got plenty of income after all.
Exactly! How sad that everyone wants to have him charged so he'll have a criminal record for the rest of his life, plus saying just "throw the kid out". Talk to him and lay some rules.
Don't you remember when you were a kid? Didn't you smoke cigarettes behind the backstop? Didn't you sneak some booze and get drunk underage? Some of you are living in the dark ages. (shakes head) I suppose you think your teen angels aren't having premarital sex either?
He's 19. Certainly he is old enough to act like an adult. I have a 19 year old son. He is welcome to live in our house but not if he is engaging in illegal activity. Sexual activity for a 19 year old is very different than engaging in dealing drugs. Parents may not approve of sexual activity but a consensual and legal act is very different than being a drug dealer.
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