19 years old on pot and selling!!! What should we do? (teens, parents)
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Please don't listen to the wackos on this board who don't know you or your child. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment a good paying job fresh out of high school is $10 dollars an hour thats about 24k per year before taxes then you take another 16% for taxes and he is left just 20k per year to live on. Ill pretend for a moment that he will be able to find roommates and his monthly rent will only be $350/month not including utilities another 150/month then he has to feed himself 200/month car insurance is another 50/month does he have a phone cause theres another 50/month does he have to drive to work 400/month for fuel thats a total of 1200/month in base expenses or 14400/per year of his 20k take home.
This gives your naive child only 5600 dollars a year to make mistakes and this assumes he can land a $10/hour job and has roommate to split the cost of rent.
So your kid isn't mr. perfect but you brought him into this world and you are responsible for him regardless of his age.
30 percent of americans have used cannabis thats about 100 million of us. I am sure some of your good friends do as well be reasonable do not quit supporting your child over a green bush that encourages people to eat cheetos.
I don't know what state the OP is in but in most you can't simply throw someone's stuff on the street and change the locks if it's their residence. OP should go through the formal, legal eviction process for his state to have his son removed legally. After that happens the son can be cited for trespass if he returns uninvited.
Next, please stop enabling him. Just don't do it. No bailouts, no more help, no support, no nothing. Stop making his meals, taking him places, doing his laundry, covering any bills like a cell phone, etc. If he wants food he can buy it, if he wants to go somewhere, he can walk, take a bus, or ride a bike, and if he wants clean clothes he can wash them himself. Your son may have picked his path, but by not letting him feel the consequences of his bad decisions you've put guardrails along it. LET HIM FALL.
Someone else pointed out that if he's dealing drugs out of the house, you and your wife are at risk of arrest. Again, the amount of risk will vary by state and/or locality, especially if you know he's doing it and you take no action to stop it. It's not a risk I would be willing to take.
If your son is dealing from your hour house then you have a bigger problem as well - word will get out among the local druggies, criminals, etc that drugs and cash are readily available at your house, which increases your risk for a burglary or a home invasion robbery. Invest in decent locks on the windows, an alarm system, etc. and once your son is gone, change the locks and install GOOD deadbolts, not the cheap stuff that you find at a hardware store. If you have any valuables, jewelry, firearms, etc. and you don't have a safe, get one pronto.
I can't agree with AK-Rev. That's not really a perspective I'd look through, especially since the boy is engaging in a criminal activity-- which basically means he doesn't care. (I'm assuming you're not in WA/CO, but even then they have it set up a certain way in which I'm sure the boy isn't following.) If he's not going to care, then he can do it without the security and comforts of home. So yes... OP, I think you should kick him out before he brings that element into your home. You don't want his "friends" scoping out your home.
When my sister got out of HS, there was a phase where she did hang out with that element and do that sort of thing. She was living with my dad and all her "friends" basically got a free walk through. The house was broken into several times with lots of things taken. There's nothing good, no good feelings when your house is broken into at all. My sister didn't really care because she wasn't "convinced" that her friends ("people") did it and that it was just another way to blame them (poor ghetto people). My dad kicked her out and she got a taste of her own medicine and realized these people really were awful. My sister did eventually straightened out, but it was a very difficult time.
The fact that the OP is worried about a physical confrontation is very telling. Either have a cop show up and help you evict your son (which can be done when you set up an appointment with your local precinct)... or a bunch of friends who can help you in that regard.
Change the locks, don't spend another cent on him, and call the cops on him if he tries to get back in or refuses to leave. Tell him you are going to tell the cops WHY you want him out of the house. That should motivate him to get out.
He may think all this is fun. You need to teach him a bit of reality. And that is using drugs and doing illegal things tends to make people homeless and jobless (employer drug testing). If that is the life he wants, then he should get a taste of it right away!
If you are worried he might become violent, you can have a "show of force". That is have many friends come over to help motivate him to leave. The more people there, the better. They think twice when they see a bunch of people standing around. And tell the friends NOT to get into any physical confrontation with him (if he is dumb enough to try anything). Rather call the police. Your friend's presence there is all that is required. Works like magic!
Since he seems to have an interest in being in business for himself and/or sales, can't you just talk to him about redirecting those interests into something legal? Smoking here and there is nothing. SELLING pot, however, can get you some jail time, and you don't want that. Plus, if you help him look into the future, maybe he can see that selling weed isn't something he's going to want to find himself still doing in ten years. No benefits, no retirement plan, and a good chance of getting yourself a record.
Smoking pot is not a big deal, but selling pot is. He is putting you at risk for jail time. Can you set him up in an efficiency for a couple of months and stipulate that he is now on his own. Do not allow him to keep the illegal activity of dealing out of your home to continue. Good luck.
Please don't listen to the wackos on this board who don't know you or your child. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment a good paying job fresh out of high school is $10 dollars an hour thats about 24k per year before taxes then you take another 16% for taxes and he is left just 20k per year to live on. Ill pretend for a moment that he will be able to find roommates and his monthly rent will only be $350/month not including utilities another 150/month then he has to feed himself 200/month car insurance is another 50/month does he have a phone cause theres another 50/month does he have to drive to work 400/month for fuel thats a total of 1200/month in base expenses or 14400/per year of his 20k take home.
This gives your naive child only 5600 dollars a year to make mistakes and this assumes he can land a $10/hour job and has roommate to split the cost of rent.
So your kid isn't mr. perfect but you brought him into this world and you are responsible for him regardless of his age.
30 percent of americans have used cannabis thats about 100 million of us. I am sure some of your good friends do as well be reasonable do not quit supporting your child over a green bush that encourages people to eat cheetos.
What a bunch of hogwash. Selling drugs is not the road to a successful career. If the boy in question is only qualified for a minimum wage job, let him put his time and energy into learning a trade or going to college.
Parents are not responsible for their children over the age of 18, especially when those children put their parents at risk of being charged as accessories to criminal activity. If this boy doesn't want to follow the house rules, then that is his decision, and he needs to live with the consequences. Hopefully those consequences won't involve a jail cell, but if they do, that solves the problem of a roof over his head.
OP, like you, I would have great difficulty turning in one of my kids. I would not, however have any problem telling them to peddle their wares elsewhere.
As someone who used to hang around a lot of pot dealers a couple years ago, most of them don't make good money. Selling pot isn't even something you can pay rent with unless you are moving large amounts to smaller dealers.
Most of the dealers I was friends with were under the age of 25, male, and lived with family. Did they ever put that so called ambition into a legal business? No. They either work as cooks or at pizza restaurants.
Also there is at least a 50% chance he is selling more expensive/risky things. My guess would be pills such as xanax, oxys, mushrooms, or extacy.
Again, I used to hang out with a lot of kids who did the same thing even though most of us were from an upper-middle class/middle class background. The would probably make the same money waiting tables at an upscale restaurant.
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