Am I horrible to think like this? (teenagers, divorced, girl)

[Tell-the-Truth]

"OP You admitted you're self-involved. That's evident. But life is not all about you. You have a daughter. She needs to be your number one concern right now. Have you considered how she might feel about being sent off to college when she's 18 while you go off and try to re-gain your youth? Do her feelings and needs matter? Or only your's? What about the relatives that are still here? If something happens to her while you're gone are they going to be expected to be there for her? Have you asked them how they feel about that?"

Right here!

It's what I meant by advising she consult her own conscience. If she's asking, something inside must be telling her the same thing

[NYMD67]

I think when a child is in college, they still need a parent to come home to once in awhile. They need a parental support sometimes.
I realize that can be done, somewhat, lomg distance with texting, skyping, facetime, whatever, but being able to "go home" when I was in college, was a great thing.

I don't know what the "reverse youth" means? You mean living your youth once your daughter goes to college because you had her at a very young age?

I may think differently I suppose if I was a younger mom, I didn't becme a mom until I was 36, so I did the whole going out scene, had mynown apartment, college, working,etc....

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by duttygal86

OK, so this is a little premature (she's 11 now) But I am not sure what I am going to do once my daughter grows up. Let me explain:

I gave birth to her at 15. I finished High School and went to college off and on, moved about the Country....yada yada. I was never your typical teen mom. I'm now 26, doing good career wise. I will be 33 when she graduates from High School (and I'm going to make sure she goes away to college-like, lives in a dorm, away) I've settled in Las Vegas, for hopefully the remainder of her School-Age Years. It pains me to stay in one place for long, but for her sake I am going to stay here and gain more experience in my field.
I don't see myself ever getting married, and am pretty self-involved, so I don't think I am the marrying type. I definitely don't want anymore kids. I got lucky with my daughter because shes bright and well-behaved. I would hate to roll the dice and give birth to satans spawn. My dream has always been to travel the globe while working. I have seen some jobs that would fit me perfectly after I finish my degree (coupled with my current experience) So here are my questions:

1. Am I wrong for planning for my "reverse-youth" of sorts? I have never made my daughter feel as if I don't want to raise her, I've been extremely responsible-considering the situation. I love her to pieces.

2. I have panic attatcks that one of my older relatives will become imobile- and my plans will be thwarted. Am I horrible for thinking this way?

3. Would I be wrong to send her way to college and then leave the country (she has loads of family, here in the states, she wouldn't be alone) I know people say "Kids dont stop needing you when they turn 18"

Once she is in school at a dorm there is no reason why you should not feel free to travel as you wish. She will be of legal age by then as well, just make sure you keep in touch often, see her when you can, bring her to the country you are living in and continue to be her Mother and always be available when she does need you in case of illness, emergency etc. Look into Skype and facetime on iPad or iPhone so you can "see" each other while you are chatting, it isn't better than being in the same room but it works well for my Mother and I and we live 5 hours driving distance away from each other.

[Book Lover 21]

I would base my decision on how your daughter is at that age. If she is dependent (I don't want to use the word "clingy") and needs to have that home base and nobody else can provide that, maybe not a good idea.

If she is as independent and adventurous as you, it may not be a problem. My son has lived 2000 miles away from me since he was 18, but he has a lot of family members nearby.

I would make sure you don't make a point of looking forward to "getting rid of her" so you can "flee" lol!

[brokencrayola]

So what happens to your daughter during Christmas break, spring break, and summer? College kids usually go home during those times.

I cannot imagine being that far away from my children.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by NYMD67

I think when a child is in college, they still need a parent to come home to once in awhile. They need a parental support sometimes.
I realize that can be done, somewhat, lomg distance with texting, skyping, facetime, whatever, but being able to "go home" when I was in college, was a great thing.

I don't know what the "reverse youth" means? You mean living your youth once your daughter goes to college because you had her at a very young age?

I may think differently I suppose if I was a younger mom, I didn't becme a mom until I was 36, so I did the whole going out scene, had mynown apartment, college, working,etc....

ITA! Where is her daughter supposed to go for holidays and summer break? I'm an older mom and I'd love to look into a senior aparment once the girls are in school but I'm staying in the house until they don't need to come home for the summer anymore. This is their home and will be until they establish one of their own, which I expect to be sometime after they graduate from college.

[in_newengland]

As long as your daughter is okay with it, then go ahead -- and don't let anyone on here make you feel guilty. You've done a great job and your daughter, if she is like most daughters, will be happy to see you finally getting to do what you want to do.

College kids are old enough to be semi independent and many live four years away and seldom come home. Hanging around just because she's in college won't necessary do her any good; it may do her more harm at a time when she could be establishing her own identity and becoming a mature person.

You say she has family to go to on college vacations. That's good. It will teach her how to get along with others and not be dependent on you. Love also means letting go.

[purehuman]

I agree with in_newengland...at 18 she isn't a baby any more, and there's nothing wrong with you seeking your own dreams and desires.

[Charlotteborn]

You have a few more years before your daughter goes off to college and a lot of things can change in a few years. Dream your dreams but realize that you may have different desires by that time. If not, go for it!

[malamute]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

I would base my decision on how your daughter is at that age. If she is dependent (I don't want to use the word "clingy") and needs to have that home base and nobody else can provide that, maybe not a good idea.

If she is as independent and adventurous as you, it may not be a problem. My son has lived 2000 miles away from me since he was 18, but he has a lot of family members nearby.

I would make sure you don't make a point of looking forward to "getting rid of her" so you can "flee" lol!

True. There isn't an exact cut-off date when someone's childhood ends and their adulthood begins.

It varies - some kids don't even do well going away to college at age 18 but other kids pack up and never look back at age 18 and can support themselves. It depends a lot on the individual.

I would hope that any parent - younger or older - knows their kids well enough and wouldn't think about traveling and working internationally if they knew their child would flounder.

It could go either way - if mom gives up her dreams, she could also find herself sitting home alone if her daughter is very independent. One couple I know would look forward to their daughter coming home for summer but she wanted to stay at the campus and work and take summer classes or go on extended field trips with the school. Other kids are very homesick and coming home is important.