Boys in girls bathrooms/dressing rooms...ok or not? (teenager, autism, baby)

[AnnaNomus]

Just curious to know...at what age do you think it is inappropriate for a little boy to use the girls bathroom or dressing room, or do you think it is never appropriate?

I ask because at dd's swim class, there is a grandmother who brings her granddaughter to class, and freaks out if there are little boys changing in the girls' room. There's only a few boys I've seen, with their mothers, all under the age of 6. On the first day of class, the grandmother stopped me and dd on the way in and told me, "There is a boy in there!" I stopped, thinking she meant a teenager or something, saw a little naked toddler running through, said, "Oh, ok, thanks," and went on in. She made a big show of hiding her granddaughter's body while she got into her swimsuit like someone was trying to look.

The grandmother must have complained about it, because a few days later the mother of a classmate of dd's mentioned that the pool manager had told her that her son was not allowed in the girls' room anymore. Her son is 6. This mom also has two older girls about 8 and 7, so of course she takes all the kids in the girls room. I told her that it was against the rules for young children to be unsupervised, which is posted as soon as you set foot on the property, so what they were asking her to do was also against the rules, and if I had a son I would bring him in the girls room anyway. The mom was uncomfortable with it, obviously not wanting to cause problems, but she went ahead and brought her little boy in the girls room. To avoid trouble, made him change in a bathroom stall, which had to be pretty gross and uncomfortable for the kid.

I asked a friend of mine about it, and she said that she agreed that 6yr old boys are too old to change with girls. I do know at 5, my dd is very modest and doesn't want any boys looking at her undressed. She even puts our male cat out the room while she changes. So I know by 6, kids do have a sense of modesty and decorum, enough not to want to change in front of the opposite sex. But what are mothers of boys supposed to do?

[Kalbo]

I think 6 is to old for a boy to be in the girls bathroom or locker room.

If Mom thinks the boy is responsible enough and explains to him what to do, The boy could go into the men's bathroom and change on his own while mom waits outside. The 8 and 7 year old girl should be able to go into the their bathroom and change together without mom while she is waiting outside for the boy.

[Inkpoe]

In that case, if it's against the rules for such child to be alone... then that facility needs to come up with a "family" locker room then.

[Zimbochick]

More and more public pools have family bathrooms for this reason.

[Kibbiekat]

fortunately our pools have family changing rooms. The posted age for using them is over 4, so I suppose that means kids 4 and older shouldn't be in opposite sex locker rooms. My boys are 6 and 8 and I have sent them into the mens room at the pool together. They stay in there for way to long, and I am helpless to do anything but listen and wait.

The pool in question needs to either allow the boy in with his mom, provide a family changing room, or change the age at which kids need supervision.

Depending on the demographics at the pool at the time, I might not be comfortable sending my kid in to change alone. (I mean I'd probably be ok with it if it was mostly moms and kids at the pool. If this is like a regular gym locker room with lots of people coming and going, maybe not)

[germaine2626]

Our local YMCA didn't have an age policy in their locker rooms until there were a number of complaints (including from me).

One mom started to bring her son into the women's locker room with her. I first noticed him because he very interested in the bodies of the women and girls changing. He just stared and stared. He even walked around the locker room to get a better view! Mom didn't even notice that. It was hard to guess his age so I wasn't sure if I should complain or not. But one day he brought along his reading book. I recognized it as a book used in second grade! So he was either seven or eight years old or gifted. I complained that day. I also found out that other women had complained, too..

The next time I came to the YMCA they had a sign saying saying children age six and up need to use their same sex changing room. The Mom was complaining and complaining about how "how unfair it was that 'her baby' had to change in the male changing room". I felt like saying "how unfair it was that 'her baby' was staring at all of our private parts & she didn't care".

The YMCA does now have a "family bathroom/changing room".

[BirdieBelle]

My son started telling me he did not want to use the ladies room in public at age 5.

I agree that 6 is too old, but that's why the family restroom/locker room came about.

Everybody has different views on this. It sounds like that grandma was more sensitive than some, and oversensitivity can cause as many problems as not enough.

[passwithoutatrace]

This is why family changing rooms are a good thing. Most places I've seen put the age limit between 4 and 6 for going into the opposite gender changing room at a gym.

[AnnaNomus]

I think family changing rooms are the answer as well. Pretty much every other pool I've been at has had that option. This particular one has been around forever. I used to go there as a child, and when taking my dd for swim classes there, was surprised to see that little had changed. The boys room to the left, girls room to the right, and the only way to get to the pool is to walk through one or the other of them. The showers are along the way. DD always has me stand in front of her in the shower, since there are no doors, and I stand in front of her while she dries off and dresses to give her a little bit of privacy.

There are three changing stalls with curtains, but the rest of it is just an open area. I think at least they could reserve the stalls for the mom and little boys to use. The showers are stalls, but no doors. And I guess a six year old could go by themselves in boys room, since at that time there really are nothing but little kids and moms there. Having just one "baby" girl, I guess I never thought of 6 as being "too old." If I had a boy, I'm afraid I probably would be thinking of him as a "baby" too, and not thinking twice about something like this. Makes me glad I had a girl!

[Magritte25]

I've had my fair share of dirty looks when taking YDS in the women's changing rooms or locker rooms. But he is on the autism spectrum and is a runner. He has run away from me more than once. This is not a failing on my part, but is part of the diagnosis. We are working on this with his TSS worker but he still doesn't get it. Therefore, I would not feel comfortable allowing him in a locker room by himself where he could get away. ODS changes in the men's locker room and since he is mature and understands rules, I allow him to do so.

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