Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We had to go to a birthday party yesterday and I put my 2 1/2 year old in a pretty dress. She's not toilet trained so I put a diaper on her. My mom was there and she told me about 4 times that the next time I put a dress on her I should put underwear on over the diaper because when she sat down a certain way everyone could see her diaper and how embarrassing is that etc. etc.
The dress didn't come with matching underwear. Do you feel the need to put underwear over your girl's diaper when they are wearing a dress. Is this something I am not aware of? My mom made me feel like I comitted the worst fashion faux pas and I felt embarassed. When I am around her she sometimes makes me feel like a little kid myself.
Then all the kids were sitting in a circle and my mom kept telling me to sit my 9 month old girl down on the grass. My 9 month old was crying in my arms because she was tired. I told my mom no the baby is cranky. SHe responds by saying oh come on cranky???? Put her down. I say no again. She tells me to put her down again. At this point I am annoyed and I say no again. I'm not putting my cranky baby down so that she can start crying even harder again. Then my mom gives me the look.
So I stayed at this party with my 3 kids for about 2 hours and waited for them to do the cake. Then I was tired and so was the baby so I told my mom I was leaving. She then calls me to say that next time there is a party she is going to make sure she takes her car there so that she can take my 2 1/2 year old home because I didn't stay at the party long enough and that my 2 year old should have stayed longer so she could have had more fun. As the parent don't I get to decide when I want to leave????
Oh isn't it nice when our parents STILL have the power to make us feel bad. They are your kids, end of story. Sounds like it would be less stressful to leave gramma at home.
As moms we are in training mode....train our children for life-education,manners, self sufficiency, etc.
When our kids have children....that sense of duty does not go away- it kind of gets worse.
Your mom must step back and let you be the parent. And you should talk with her and see.
And why shouldn't she leave if she wants to? She should! But if she rode with you she's 'stuck'.
I'd talk with her and then suggest she's 'welcome' to come with you; however, you won't know how long you'll be so she might want to stay behind or bring her own car.
No love lost....just how things are.
And yes, I think bloomers are appropriate as well when a girl wears a dress, the even make them to go on top of diapers. But I'm from the south and old school....but so is your mother, old school that is.
Underwear over a diaper isn't a necessity, but I would do it if I were dressing my child up special in a pretty dress for a party. They don't need to come with the dress. You can buy multi purpose ones. But it's not the end of the world that your daughter was wearing a diaper with a pretty dress. Buy a pretty pair of white ones that you can use with any dress. Problem solved.
I'm more concerned about your feeling so easily embarrassed over it. You really need to work on finding confidence within and stop letting others influence how you feel about yourself. So what if you make a mistake? I make mistakes and do things wrong all the time, and I rarely feel embarrassed when I do. If someone intentionally tries to make me feel bad about something, like your mother did, I certainly wouldn't feel embarrassed. I'd think they were ignorant idiots and get on with my day without a second thought. If someone has a valid point, I'll take note and learn from it. But I wouldn't let myself feel embarrassed.
Geez...I would tell mommy to go jump in a lake. 2 year olds wear diapers... I think that is common knowledge and nobody (who has kids) judges. I mean really, who really cares if a diaper is visable under a dress? on a 2 year old?? That is laughable...
I think you need to find a tactful way of telling your mom to let you parent the way you think is best for your kids...
You've made me grateful for my mom, who has never done anything like this to me with my children. My mother-in-law, on the other hand...
You have to find a way to respond in the moment that causes minimal drama but sets the boundary. This is not easy to do. My husband and I got the point where we could anticipate what problems my MIL would cause, and we prepared for them in advance.
As for covering the diapers, I always did too. When my girls were little, Lands End used to sell two packs of diaper covers, one white and one solid. We ordered a couple of these (white/pink, white/purple) and we were set. I also mixed and matched the diaper covers from other dresses (red and white checked under a blue jumper). However, your mom shouldn't have made a production out of the diaper at the party. She could have said something to you privately later.
You are the parent now, and it is her job to support your decisions.
Last edited by lucygirl951; 08-02-2010 at 10:19 AM..
On the diaper cover/underwear thing...We usually put one on the two year old if she is wearing a dress. Most of the outfits come with one to match. Sometimes we don't do it, but we usually do if we are going out to a party or something. I agree that it isn't a necessity and I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
On the mother thing...Well, that's why parents are so wonderful. Somehow they still manage to pretend they have all the answers no matter how old you are. I guess it is one of those things that we may grow to understand at some point, or try our darndest not to fall into. You essentially have two choices; you can sit down and try and talk the issues out or you can ignore it and go about your day.
My parents are older (late 60's and early 70's). They are good people and they love us, but they do a lot of things that annoy us. They are critical of choices we make, they play favorites with the kids and seem to enjoy taking the occasional shot at my wife. Nothing too crazy, but annoying none-the-less. My wife and I have considered having it out with them various times. Each time we mention something my mother responds with asking my wife to go shopping. She assumes money can fix all problems. At the end of the day, we tolerate what we have to. They are very good to our kids and love them a lot. They are also one of the few people we can really depend on if we needed help. So, we ignore the BS even if it drives us up a wall. We do take some breaks where we won't see them for a while just so we can get a break. It really comes down to it that if you want them in your life, you need to accept them for all they are, as you will never change them.
On the mother thing...Well, that's why parents are so wonderful. Somehow they still manage to pretend they have all the answers no matter how old you are. I guess it is one of those things that we may grow to understand at some point, or try our darndest not to fall into.
On this note, we should remind the OP that she very possibly could become the same annoyance for her children when they are adults if she's not careful.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
