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I am interested in getting your thoughts on parental favoritism, particularly severe cases of parental favoritism (actual rather than perceived out of jealousy).
What are your thoughts on the subject? If you were the black sheep or the favored one, has the effects of parental favoritism remained with you into adulthood, causing strains or rifts between you and your parents and siblings? If you are a parent, how do you best avoid "favoring" one child, of that child is more academically gifted than his/her siblings, for example? If the favoritism was that bad and that blatant, were you able to forgive and forget?
I'll give you my take on it later or tomorrow (from personal experience), but I'd be more interested to read other people's experiences and thoughts as this is no only an interesting subject to me, but also something of a sore one. I also want to avoid making those same "mistakes" if / when I have children of my own. I will say this though: blatantly favoring one or two children over another (for whatever reason) is a recipe for disaster and can cause rifts that carry into adulthood and can often never be fixed.
Last edited by Glasvegas; 11-19-2011 at 02:33 PM..
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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From the bottom of my heart, I can imagine being able to favor one over the other but I'll tell you two experiences I've had and created with it.
First one, my mother had her favorite out of six of us but she did her best to hide it. She couldn't though. It must be hard to. It didn't bother me. It still doesn't.
My children are now grown but I used to try make each feel they were special--not favorited, but special in some way, because they both were/are. I'd have a day for each and would take them to do something on their special day, maybe buy them something special. Then I'd tell them not to tell the other. Later, as they got older, they started comparing notes and found I was saying the same to both and they laugh and joke about it today. They say I was trying to make each think they were favorited. I wasn't. I was trying to make them feel special for the day. I wanted them to always feel special but on a certain day I wanted them to feel extra special. It always happened two days in a row. One one day, the other the next.
My older brother was the fair haired child of the three of us. It was extremely blatant to friends and family. My grandmother even told my mother that she acted like she only had one child. I don't speak to my older brother and haven't for years. I talk to his wife and children, but never with him. Just because we are related doesn't mean I have to like him.
My brother is my mothers favorite...hands down...she funds him on a regular basis, she has never given me a dime, she says "You can take care of yourself". Everything she has is being left to him, because...he needs it and I don't. Yet, she expects me to do everything she wants, when she wants me to, I don't, but, that's the drill.
Personally, although parents will deny it...they all have a favorite.
My sister and I both knew when our little brother was born he was the "golden child". We were cast aside. My brother gets in trouble with the law, they bail him out. He makes bad business decessions they pay off the people he owes. They would not cross the street to buy me a cup of coffee if I was homeless.
When I bought my home they were not answering their phone or returning the call. After I moved in I called and told the answer phone they could start answering the phone as escrow cleared. For the first time in months they returned the call and said that was not it.
I was an only child but I got a taste of favoritism through my Grandma. It was obvious that she favored me over my cousins but she always denied it...My Aunts and Uncles started resenting me after awhile. And my Grandma's favoritism of me put up "walls" between me and my cousins. I was an only child and I wanted to have a bond and close relationship with my cousins...My Grandma always insisted that she treated all of her grandkids the "same" but this wasn't always true...My whole family split-up and went their separate ways after my Grandma passed away. No one stayed close. It was sad!...So it's not always "good" to be the favored one and it can lead to tons of resentment. I didn't want any of it!
Interesting that most posters felt the brother was the favored one. It happened in our family, too. The "son" was supposed to take over Dad's business. It was never offered to us mere females. The "son" got braces, the 2 older girls didn't, because my Mom thought crooked teeth looked worse on men! Cars, money, his own room. No chores. No responsibilities.
I don't blame my brother nor hold it against my parents. After 20 years of bailing him out of jail, watching go through rehab again and again, bad relationships etc...I think my parents have paid for their favoritism a hundredfold.
It's taken a very long time for me to be able to say this, but... my mother's personality is much more in sync with one of my siblings than it is with mine (or with the third sibling's). Does my mother love me as a mother would? Yes. Does she LIKE me as a person? Not so much. Is that favoritism or just... LIFE?
Parents generally end up paying for the favoritism, yet, so do the other children as when the chips are down for the parents, the "favorite" is seldom there, as, they are entitled not be there.
As for the boy, don't you know that he supposed to carry on the name...like he is the only person left in the world with his last name, it's all nonsense, the name will continue regardless of what it is and no one cares whether that particular boy in the family is carrying it on or not.
Personally, although parents will deny it...they all have a favorite.
I hear this a lot, and would be curious to see what others say. For me, in all honesty, I don't have a favorite.
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