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I was my parents' only child. My Mom used to tell everyone (jokingly) that she really wanted a boy not a girl. She had a whole "vaudeville act" about it. She said she told the doctor to send me back and give her the boy she really wanted and requested...I had to listen to her go on and on about this all my life. But of course she said it was only a joke!...My Mom grew up in a Depression-era family where boys and sons were prized and girls had less value...I knew my Mom loved me. But I guess she just felt obligated to say that she would have chosen a boy over a girl...My parents raised me as "half-girl" and "half-boy." I was given a lot of leeway. My Dad taught me how to work on cars and do plumbing etc. My Mom didn't want me to learn to cook or do housework etc. She said she wanted me to be a scholar and career woman and not a housewife!...I didn't know how to do much around the house when I got married but I always took pride in being a fast-learner. Later in life my Mom used to come over to "raid" my leftovers. I know she was pleased that I turned out to be a good cook despite the way she tried to "hold me back" as a kid....Sometimes it takes time and effort to understand our parents. And only children can grow up feeling that they aren't wanted at times too. I know my Mom felt like a "second-class citizen" in her family because she was a female. She "lucked-out" more than her sisters did because she was the oldest. She received status for serving as "another parent" to her younger sisters and brother.
Yep, my brother was, and still is the favorite of my mom. Even though I am the one who is "there" for her and manages her care . . .my brother visits on holidays and makes demands as soon as he walks in the door . . . he asked her at her birthday party to make him coffee . . . the second he walked in . . .
I have pointed out to her that he would not be able to do what I have done for her (because she doesn't appreciate what I do - just wanted to point that out) and her response was "boys never take care of their parents." Oh yeah, they can do nothing and still get special treatment.
The way it has affected me - it hasn't really. I do get angry about it when I think of it, but I hardly ever think of it.
My dad favored me, just because I was the "good" kid, probably. If my brother had been the "good" kid, he might have favored him. I was just lucky someone liked me in my family.
I think everyone has a favorite, however there are many categories that favorites come from.
I have 4 kids.....
My oldest is my favorite to go shopping with and cook with.
My second oldest is my favorite to solve puzzles with and drive places with.
My third oldest is my favorite to cuddle with and joke with.
My fourth is my favorite to play games with and to sing songs with.
My oldest cannot sing for anything and cannot find her way anywhere without help.
My second is a sorry loser and doesn't care to be joked about
My third is a horrible shopper and has no patience to solve puzzles.
My fourth hates to be in the car and does not want to wait on food to be cooked much less cook it himself.
The older two are grown and on their own and some things are different now than when they were younger as I expect some things to change as the younger two reach those ages. But I will still have favorites for certain things.
I think everyone has a favorite, however there are many categories that favorites come from.
I have 4 kids.....
My oldest is my favorite to go shopping with and cook with.
My second oldest is my favorite to solve puzzles with and drive places with.
My third oldest is my favorite to cuddle with and joke with.
My fourth is my favorite to play games with and to sing songs with.
My oldest cannot sing for anything and cannot find her way anywhere without help.
My second is a sorry loser and doesn't care to be joked about
My third is a horrible shopper and has no patience to solve puzzles.
My fourth hates to be in the car and does not want to wait on food to be cooked much less cook it himself.
The older two are grown and on their own and some things are different now than when they were younger as I expect some things to change as the younger two reach those ages. But I will still have favorites for certain things.
Good way of putting it....Going shopping with my DD = fun! Going shopping with DS = endless asking of "can we be done now?" (not so fun); watching football with DS = fun!; watching football with DD = "will this be over soon so we can go shopping?" (not so fun)....
I do not have favorites, I spoil them both equally I only have two though, maybe if I had more kids...? My parents did not have favorites either, but I have to say sometimes parents have to get tougher on certain of their kids - they might need to be "motivated" more, like in the grade dept, etc. So I think parents can be forced into being more strict with certain children than other of their children. Some kids are pretty self-directed and driven when they get to a certain age (working, saving, etc) and not need so many "reminders". Maybe certain kids mis-perceive this and can get resentful?
I do think Mothers fight more with their daughters than their sons though. Not sure why.
I have an interesting take because I was the only on my mom's side and oldest on my dad's (he had 5 other kids after me). Interestingly, my father who may not have been a great dad in many ways never played favorites. He treated my brother (the only boy) differently in some ways but did not favor him particularly at all. Considering how "favored" my father was by his parents I wonder how that happened. Sadly, my stepmom (who has not actually cared for any of her children since my father died) obviously, favors one of my sisters (the eldest of her children). It is causing huge problems not only between her and her other kids but also between that sister and the others.
Yet, another reason only having one might not be such a bad idea.
One afternoon when I was in college I was killing some time in the library reading some dusty old book by some dusty old theologian. He wrote that while it may be natural to have a favorite child it was a sin to show that child favoritisim.
I've never forgotten that.
I agree with the others who have said different children are favorites in different ways.. My own parents bent over backwards not to show any favoritism. Including spending, down to the nickel, the same amount of money on Christmas presents for each child. Something we've done as well.
Interesting and timely subject. Just last night I was with old high school friends. We are all 65 years old. Several told stories about their siblings being the favorite and it still hurt. and wouldn't you know it, the favorite kid took no active part in the caregiving of the elderly parents while the least favorite were delaying retirement to help out and care for elderly parents. You never get over it.
The same thing happened in my own family. I was father's favorite and brother was mom's favorite. Father died very young so I was SOL while brother just took and took while I had to care for demented old Mother. He lived 45 minutes away but didn't bother to see her for 3 years and then only showed up to try to con her out of some more money.
We have four kids, two are my step children, older and out of the house, and two are my bio kids. I have often felt like my husband has favorites in each set(the youngest ones a male and female). I do not have a favorite in either set. Like someone else said, I enjoy different aspects about each child. I will say though that the neediest kids seem to get more attention and stuff, even in our family. I do not bend over backwards to make things even, because the reality is that kids are different and have different needs. I know they see the favoritism by their Dad, at least the older two do. This is going to sound hokey, but I believe at least with the younger ones, that we have a good solid family dynamic, and that they clearly see and feel our love and devotion.
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I only have two though, maybe if I had more kids...? My parents did not have favorites either, but I have to say sometimes parents have to get tougher on certain of their kids - they might need to be "motivated" more, like in the grade dept, etc. So I think parents can be forced into being more strict with certain children than other of their children. Some kids are pretty self-directed and driven when they get to a certain age (working, saving, etc) and not need so many "reminders". Maybe certain kids mis-perceive this and can get resentful?
