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For those that are parent's of an 18 year old still living at home, what do you think their curfew should be during the week when going to college and Friday and Sat nights?
Also, my husband and myself have not been away alone together for years and would love a break. It's our 20th next week and would love to get away for a weekend, but our son is not very responsible and we have animals to care for. Anyone had to deal with this situation? Just afraid he would forget to take out the dogs regularly and feed them as well as having people over doing who knows what and I would never know except if they damaged something or he left a mess. We really need to get away.
For those that are parent's of an 18 year old still living at home, what do you think their curfew should be during the week when going to college and Friday and Sat nights?
Also, my husband and myself have not been away alone together for years and would love a break. It's our 20th next week and would love to get away for a weekend, but our son is not very responsible and we have animals to care for. Anyone had to deal with this situation? Just afraid he would forget to take out the dogs regularly and feed them as well as having people over doing who knows what and I would never know except if they damaged something or he left a mess. We really need to get away.
I had a 12am curfew during the week days and a 2am curfew on weekends. But I have mixed feelings about giving college kids curfews. I'm sure my thoughts on this will become more firm as my own kids get older.
A typical 18 year old college student is plenty old enough to take care of the animals and himself while you are away. Let him know that you are going away for the weekend and tell him that you fully expect him to take care of things while you're away.
If you have serious doubts about your son's ability to handle this, have a friend or relative drop by to check on him (let your son know that someone might drop by, it shouldn't be a complete surprise to him).
If necessary, let him know that if any problems arise you'll be hiring a house sitter to stay in the house with your son next time.
Last edited by springfieldva; 10-04-2011 at 09:44 AM..
The rule in my parents house was "You come back home the same day you left." Which meant that no one ever had a curfew past midnight. The curfew got pushed back to midnight when you became a legal adult (18) and were graduated from High School. Before that point, the school night curfew was 3:00pm unless you had a school activity or were scheduled to work. Weekend curfews were 10pm. The midnight curfew even applied to my older sister who moved back in for a couple of months when she was going through a divorce at 25 years old.
I am not saying that the above is a good rule to have. It is just what I was raised with.
I am more of a go with the flow kind of person, so I will adjust the curfew according to how responsible the child in question is. I think that if you can't trust your 18 year old to take the dogs out for one weekend, how can you trust him to be out on his own late at night? I would have an earlier curfew and let him know that once he becomes more responsible, you will loosen the reigns some.
I am in a similar situation. My immature 18 year old son lives at home and goes to college. He doesn't have a strict curfew as there really isn't much we can do to enforce it and he typically comes in by midnight anyway. The only hard and fast rule is that if he is going to not come home at all (stay at a friends...) that he let us know so that we can lock up and not be surprised if he isn't home. So far, this works.
Would you be willing to pay your son to dog and house sit? I understand (believe me, I understand!) that he should be willing to take care of the pets and house for FREE given all that you have done for him, but perhaps if he thought there was some incentive for a job well done, he might step up. I know that some parents don't believe in paying kids for doing things that they should do as part of the family, but this might be more of an adult transaction. Obviously, you would not pay him until you got home.
After I turned 18, I did not have a curfew and I definitely did not have one when I was home from college. My dad turned 18 in the 1960's in Lousiana. When he turned 18, he could drink legally and had the very real possiblity of getting drafted (he was able to it put off until he was 24). I think this influenced his decisions on what 18 year olds should be allowed to do.
Before I turned 18, I did not have a curfew either, though. They basically said that there was no way they were going to tell me a time to be home with no details as to what I was doing before that time. I would tell them where I was going, who would be there, how I was getting there and back and what time I thought I would be done and they would decide if that was appropriate. I pretty much told them the same things after I turned 18 and while I was home on vacations from college, both out of habit and as a courtesy.
Edited to answer the OP's question:As a result of the way I was raised, I don't think an 18 year old college student should have a curfew. But, he should be expected to give you the courtesy of a call or text message if he will be abnormally late or is not coming home at all. That is a reasonable expectation when you live with people who care about you.
Last edited by Scientist Mom; 10-04-2011 at 10:10 AM..
No curfew for my 18yo college student. She does let me know where she is and an approximate time she will be home. That is just courtesy on her part because she knows I will wait up to make sure she came home and isn't lying in a ditch somewhere.
As far as going away, I did leave her home a few times this summer and she wanted me to leave the dog home with her so I made sure to put a note on the fridge with big letters saying to feed him and let him out. It all worked out ok.
I am a parent of an 18 yr old as well. I have yet to leave them for a weekend unattended, but do know other parents who do the following: Let 18yr old know the rules of the house while you are way and who can and cannot be in the house while you are away. Let the nieghbors know you will be gone and keep an extra eye out for commings and goings. In addition you can contact your local police dept. and let them know the situation and you can give them prior clearance to enter your house if there are complaints by neighbors while you are away. Let the 18 yr old know this.
I'm not 18, im older and I don't have a curfew and havent had one for quite some time now.
The quiet hours for our house are 10pm to 6pm and if I'm going to be coming home during that time I better be very quiet. I work past 10 al the time so its not like I have a choice in coming home before 10 so all my mom said is that I better be very quiet coming in..
I also don't have to come home every night. Last night was the first night in two days that I've slept at my own house.
I guess I am just a hard assed meanie. But if I could not trust my eighteen year old not to trash my house when I went away or to feed the pets, he would be asked to find alternate living arrangements. But then, I cannot imagine how you get to be 18 and still not manage to feed the pets when Mom and Dad go away.
I am leaving my 16 YO home for 3 nights- my cousin lives across street and will keep an eye on him- he knows no friends over and no parties- it is during the week though- I am housesitting my couisin's kids for 3 nights-he will be feeding the dogs and knows how to do this
I also have an 19 YO that is in college but lives at college- she has a somewhat curfew but not really-she knows that if she isn't coming home or will be out REALLY late to call- I usually know her plans and she knows no parties while i am out-and there is big trouble if this happens -i have many neighbor's that know teenagers live here-
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