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It is a rude awakening when the same kid, whose behavior you were so proud of, starts acting out or making what seem to be ill-informed decisions . . .
Usually that's the sign that something else is going on. Anything changed in his life? Drugs? Depression? Death of a friend?
You can hope that bad decisions are just life lessons without permanent effects. We all make mistakes growing up. At the time, they seem to be huge. Looking back, they often weren't. Also hope that they learn from their mistakes.
My dad, in the days just before he died, told me that the hardest thing he ever had to do was stand by and let me learn certain things the hard way. But that's the privlege of being a child, and the burden of being a parent.
At a very low point in my life, when the world seemed to be crashing in on me with no hope of escape, a pastor told me of something he learned in seminary. He said, "There's a mirror in your bathroom, and that's probably where you first face yourself in the morning in anticipation of what the day may bring. I want you to take the bar of soap, and write in big letters across it - A.F.G.E." I asked what it meant. He replied, "Another F**king Growth Experience."
I got through that time and learned from it. A wise man, he was!
It's probably just good old fashion rebellion - and that's a healthy thing!
You may have taught then to have certain values, but once they reach 18 they get to make their own choices - and no one leaves the nest with the exact same values as their parents. I was always a good kid, but I make very different decisions than my parents would - and we're still close and still love each other.
So I am assuming your core values must be similar? Can you give any examples?
You can hope that bad decisions are just life lessons without permanent effects. We all make mistakes growing up. At the time, they seem to be huge. Looking back, they often weren't. Also hope that they learn from their mistakes.
My dad, in the days just before he died, told me that the hardest thing he ever had to do was stand by and let me learn certain things the hard way. But that's the privlege of being a child, and the burden of being a parent.
At a very low point in my life, when the world seemed to be crashing in on me with no hope of escape, a pastor told me of something he learned in seminary. He said, "There's a mirror in your bathroom, and that's probably where you first face yourself in the morning in anticipation of what the day may bring. I want you to take the bar of soap, and write in big letters across it - A.F.G.E." I asked what it meant. He replied, "Another F**king Growth Experience."
I got through that time and learned from it. A wise man, he was!
Thanks for sharing that. It sounds like in your difficult time, you still had good support and it seemed to have made quite an impact. I can only pray that the person I am concerned about also has good guidance.
So wise your father was . . . and wise you are to know that is a parent's burden and the child's privilege.
Now you have to do the REALLY hard work and find out. They don't change for no reason. No one does. I hope you have the kind of relationship where you can talk because now is the time.
Now you have to do the REALLY hard work and find out. They don't change for no reason. No one does. I hope you have the kind of relationship where you can talk because now is the time.
Nope. Can't do it. Not my job. Hopefully someone will.
I guess no one else is disappointed with their teens!
I'm not very disappointed with my teens, my kids are actually on the boring side I think as far as doing much that is wild.
It all depends on what it is that's disappointing you, were your expectations too high?
For example, kids will not always listen when it comes to school and studying and might just shrug off bad grades or have few ambitions at age 16 or 17.
They might not help around the house like you think they should. Or they may lose interest in going to church with the parents. They may use language you don't like at least behind your back.
But you don't own your kids' lives. You can only guide them but at some point they have to grow up and start making decisions of their own, some decisions you might not like at all, like if they have $300 instead of saving it for college, they buy a game player. Or they get a job that pays them a little and they have to buy a cell phone you wouldn't buy.
But if it's serious problems like drugs - there is still not a lot you can do about their decisions to mess up.
I am honestly surprised that on a forum with so many readers, there are so few people who are honestly disappointed with their teens.
There are a lot of acting out teens, so their parents must not be the type to read forums. Maybe the parents are drinking to cope or something!
I am happy for people who do not have these problems but it sure is lonely being the only person on the planet disappointed over a teen's choices.
Thank you for responding.
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