Enough With The Breast vs. Bottle-Feeding Wars! (legal, safety, friend)
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You want to tell me that everyone knows that breast milk and formula are not essentially equivalent. And yet, I feel like the only person on this thread who is making that statement. Or is it something that we all know, but we dare not say, particularly not to a mom who used formula? You can't say breast is best, but it really doesn't make any difference. So which is it?
I have said several times in my posts that I believe breast milk is better. If I didn't I wouldn't care about not doing it, now, would I?
I wouldn't have wasted all those times with my newborn trying to get her to latch on and spending a great deal of those precious first weeks fretting and agonizing over our inability to do it, now, would I?
I wouldn't have spent all of that money on organic, no HFCS having formula - I would have just gone ahead and got any old brand if I thought it didn't matter, now, wouldn't I?
The fact that you feel like the only one making that statement is pretty indicative of how you are not listening to what anybody else is saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive
Actually, milk sharing is an interesting topic, one that is probably more appropriate for its own thread. But I support milk sharing and would seek out a milk donor rather than use formula if those were my options. Keep in mind that the milk donors typically undergo blood tests for screening just as blood donors do, that milk donors are not paid so there is no financial incentive to donate, and that they are feeding that milk to their own babies as well. There is always some risk, but the population of folks who donates breast milk is pretty low risk IMO.
Here's a breastmilk for sale website. Now most of this milk is not screened and is being sold for money. How do you definitively know that the seller is what they claim to be and is not selling their breastmilk for more crack or HIV meds? Please go ahead and justify how this is better than formula - especially when you take into consideration that the immunity benefits only work on the breast producer's own child and not anybody else's.
...snip snip snip to this here:
(snip snip snip the whole end off too)
This one part of your post, right here, has got to be THE most condescending piece of pure, unadulterated horsepucky I've ever heard in my life.
It is JUST as much "none of your business" to approach breastfeeders to tell them they're doing a good job, as it is "none of their business" for criticizers to approach breastfeeders to tell them they're doing a bad job. If I was a breastfeeding mother and someone approached me to ensure that I know, that my behavior is being observed and noted enough that someone would tell me they think it's awesome, I would be SO creeped out that I'd probably call security on them.
And you understand the word "just" is the first half of JUSTIFY. If you have to justify what you're doing, then you probably shouldn't be doing it. The words "just," "only," and "simply" are used most often by people doing inappropriate things, and attempting to justify their behaviors by blaming other people.
Horsepucky. And malarchy. And unmitigated gall, as my mother would say.
That is an interesting point of view. I have read many times on breastfeeding message boards accounts of women who just wanted to post to share a story about how they were out in public nursing their baby and someone came up to them to tell them "good job" or what have you and that it made their day. That maybe they were feeling a little unsure about nursing in public before that, but now they feel empowered, and they just wanted to share that with all of us. And that is why I started doing it. One time I remember I was at a car dealership and there was a young mom there who looked like she was being held up a lot longer than she had expected. Her baby was hungry and she didn't really know what to do. She looked around very nervously and very hesitantly nursed him, looking around the whole time. Before I left, I went and gave her some encouragement, and she seemed to really appreciate it. I have never heard anyone complain about such encouragement, but I have heard a lot of appreciation. And I read a lot of breastfeeding boards.
I don't really agree with your point about the word "just". I was just trying to explain my position to you, since I seem to be alone in it today.
I guess you are essentially right about that. I do pretty much agree with that statement. I think that most of the people who don't care about breastfeeding, don't care because they have been led to believe that it doesn't matter. I think that the point of the article in the OP was that it doesn't matter. And since I believe that to be untrue, I feel that education is important. I don't want for people to be making decisions based on misconceptions. I feel that what we are debating about right here, is the issue of whether or not it matters.
So....you believe that those who choose other than breastfeeding are ignorant or bad moms (because how can you be a good mom if you willingly make unhealthy choices - good moms care about what they feed their child correct?). Great. And you wonder why people get insulted.
So, if it matters SO much. When you walk down the street, can you automatically pick out the people who where breast fed vs formula. After all it effects their life so much as you are saying...
Of course not. Statistics work on populations, not individuals.
Here's a breastmilk for sale website. Now most of this milk is not screened and is being sold for money. How do you definitively know that the seller is what they claim to be and is not selling their breastmilk for more crack or HIV meds? Please go ahead and justify how this is better than formula - especially when you take into consideration that the immunity benefits only work on the breast producer's own child and not anybody else's.
I would not use such a site, nor do I know anyone who has or would use such a pay site. But I have known and heard of many women who have used Milk Share or Eats on Feets or locally arranged donors, and I would do the same. The stories on the news recently are mostly about Eats on Feets, which works as I described, and donors are not paid.
So....you believe that those who choose other than breastfeeding are ignorant or bad moms (because how can you be a good mom if you willingly make unhealthy choices - good moms care about what they feed their child correct?). Great. And you wonder why people get insulted.
I do believe that there are many folks who did not wish to use formula, but ended up there anyway. Which is another situation. There are those who choose formula from the start for specific reasons, perhaps abuse, perhaps family situations, etc But it is very hard for me to understand why someone with no other issues would just choose to use formula instead of breast milk just because they want to, if they know the facts. I wouldn't go so far as to say it makes someone a bad mom or a bad person, but I do think it is a poor choice, particularly a poor health decision. My FIL smokes, and I think that is a poor health decision, but it doesn't make him a bad person.
I do believe that there are many folks who did not wish to use formula, but ended up there anyway. Which is another situation. There are those who choose formula from the start for specific reasons, perhaps abuse, perhaps family situations, etc But it is very hard for me to understand why someone with no other issues would just choose to use formula instead of breast milk just because they want to, if they know the facts. I wouldn't go so far as to say it makes someone a bad mom or a bad person, but I do think it is a poor choice, particularly a poor health decision. My FIL smokes, and I think that is a poor health decision, but it doesn't make him a bad person.
But on the other hand you don't understand why people think it is a poor choice to still have a 4 year old hanging off your breast?
I have said several times in my posts that I believe breast milk is better. If I didn't I wouldn't care about not doing it, now, would I?
I wouldn't have wasted all those times with my newborn trying to get her to latch on and spending a great deal of those precious first weeks fretting and agonizing over our inability to do it, now, would I?
I wouldn't have spent all of that money on organic, no HFCS having formula - I would have just gone ahead and got any old brand if I thought it didn't matter, now, wouldn't I?
The fact that you feel like the only one making that statement is pretty indicative of how you are not listening to what anybody else is saying.
But you also seem to be saying that we shouldn't talk about breast milk being better, because it makes mothers feel guilty who couldn't do it.
I would not use such a site, nor do I know anyone who has or would use such a pay site. But I have known and heard of many women who have used Milk Share or Eats on Feets or locally arranged donors, and I would do the same. The stories on the news recently are mostly about Eats on Feets, which works as I described, and donors are not paid.
Question: How often are those women tested for transmittable viruses? It only takes one night in the sack for HIV. People who live with someone who has Hep C can't even donate blood. Are they allowed to donate breast milk?
I would not use such a site, nor do I know anyone who has or would use such a pay site. But I have known and heard of many women who have used Milk Share or Eats on Feets or locally arranged donors, and I would do the same. The stories on the news recently are mostly about Eats on Feets, which works as I described, and donors are not paid.
Such sites exist because women are driven to take risks rather than not breastfeed. Somebody's using them, even if it's not you, or somebody you know.
And we're not just debating whether or not it matters. Of course it matters.
The gist of the OP is - that as well as educate, which I truly believe is happening, or women would not feel guilty or inadequate - the shaming of mothers by other mothers (not necessarily you, ADVentive) for their decisions either made by themselves or as circumstances dictate has got to stop.
There's a time when being over zealous and self righteous actually does more harm than good, and does nothing to further the cause.
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