Teenagers and Alcohol (ideas, baby, accident, son)
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It depends on how much drinking went on too...being overly permissive can do the same damage.
I agree completely. Kids need us to set limits and let them know we are concerned. You also have to assess your own kid and foresee any problems. One of my friends always let her kids and their friends have parties at her house. She had rules--no one could drive home, etc. This worked out OK for her two boys who are now in their 20's, but her 18 year old daughter is already showing all the signs of having a serious alcohol problem.
If he respects you, he won't do it. If he does it anyway, then he has no respect for you
I started typing out a lengthy response to this then lost it....but I disagree with this statement. Too simplistic.
Quote:
I agree that kids should be made to be responsible for the consequences of their actions, but if the consequences of their actions might cause them to DIE or kill someone else parents need to make other arrangements (like going to get them if of they are drunk off their a$$). It's not the kind of thing where you can just let your kid go off and kill himself (or someone else) to prove your point.
I respected my parents plenty, but I still did things they did not want me to do. Teens are at the age where they are learning to be adults. Sometimes they make mistakes. Making a mistake doesn't mean they don't respect their parents.
This pretty much sums up what I had all typed out before it went into some black hole in cyberspace.
I don't know where any of you are living, but in Connecticut, it's illegal to host a party and serve alcohol to minors. The parents can be arrested and DCYS gets involved as well. In fact, if the parents aren't home when the party occurs, the parents are still held responsible for the illegal drinking of underage minors in their home.
I don't believe that a minor child drinking in his/her own home at the supper table with the parents present is illegal. However, when you bring guests into the house, that changes the whole situation.
What you want to do with your own children in the privacy of your own home, regarding drinking alcohol, is - and should be - your own business. What you do with someone else's child in your home - is the law's business. ESPECIALLY if one of the kids gets sick and has to be hospitalized - or the neighbors start complaining of drunken children making noise in the yard, or god forbid one of them gets their hands on a set of car keys.
It isn't a matter of forbidding it. It's against the law. Do you allow your minor child to go to someone's house and steal their jewelry? Do you allow your minor child to go to school and smash the computer? Do you allow your child to beat up kids they don't like? Do you allow your child to do any of the other things that YOU can go to jail for, if they get caught? No? Then why would you allow your minor child to drink in someone else's house?
The law's the same in NJ. Some parents got in serious trouble a few years ago when they allowed minors to have a drinking party and there was a death. It was thought at first that the girl died from alcohol poisoning, but it turned out she had an undiagnosed heart problem and although she only drank a couple of jello shots, it was enough that it killed her. I don't remember the outcome, but they had criminal charges pressed against them and I believe there was a lawsuit as well.
I see that many allow their kids to have the occasional glass of wine or can of beer. I don't see the point of that. Why does a teen need to have alcohol (even if it's a very rare occurence)?
I tell my daughter (this thread doesn't really apply to my younger ones, who are under 13) that she has her entire life to drink, why start now? She has been in situations where underage drinking is present, and she's smart in the sense that she knows that you do not need to drink to have fun.
Drinking wine on the Sabbath (not beer) with our dinner, and during certain festivals and holy days, was part of our religion. Also, in most countries -other- than the USA, drinking wine with dinner is typical for most of the family and children are allowed to partake in a glass with their meal.
I see that many allow their kids to have the occasional glass of wine or can of beer. I don't see the point of that. Why does a teen need to have alcohol (even if it's a very rare occurence)?
I tell my daughter (this thread doesn't really apply to my younger ones, who are under 13) that she has her entire life to drink, why start now? She has been in situations where underage drinking is present, and she's smart in the sense that she knows that you do not need to drink to have fun.
In my case, and I think someone else's, we were referring to Europeans who allow their children to have an occasional wine or beer at the table. In Europe wine or beer is used as a part of the meal, for children also, not to drink to get drunk. My daughter's boyfriend is the pastor of a bible-type church. They are from Germany and this is their customary thing to do, to have wine or beer with a special dinner on special occasions, such as Christmas or New Year's Day. They do not in any way approve of misuse of alcohol, but they do believe that if alcohol is used as part of the meal they way it is meant to be, the children will not view it as something forbidden or something to be used for intoxication.
Drinking wine on the Sabbath (not beer) with our dinner, and during certain festivals and holy days, was part of our religion. Also, in most countries -other- than the USA, drinking wine with dinner is typical for most of the family and children are allowed to partake in a glass with their meal.
This is the USA. I don't like the "other countries" argument- just because other countries do something, that doesn't make it right. And that still doesn't answer my question about why they need to have alcohol.
ETA- I'm fine with that drinking if it's part of your religion.
I'm in a state where it's illegal for any adult to serve alcohol to a minor--even parents. My oldest son is 15--we're just starting to deal with this issue. Our policy is that drinking is against the law, and therefore unacceptable. We've also told him that no matter what, if he's ever in trouble of any kind, he can call us and we'll come and get him. We haven't promised there won't be consequences if he's done something wrong, but he knows we care and our primary concern is his safety.
We're fortunate that we live in a small town, and we know most of the other families well. The culture of the community isn't supportive of kids drinking, and the parents tend to stick together on things like this. My husband and I can't pick our kid's friends, but we don't encourage spending time outside of school with kids who've been known to get into trouble. Our son isn't driving alone yet--when he's wanted to ride somewhere with an older kid who I'm concerned about, we've calmly explained why we don't think it's a good idea. He also knows that we expect to know where he is, and who he's with, at all times. He's only 15--up until this point he and his friends have never really spent much time without an adult supervising. As he shows increasingly good judgement and maturity, we give him more freedom.
I know peer pressure is tough, but we're lucky. So far there have been no problems. It helps that he's an athlete and a more of a leader in his class--also that there are lots of kids whose families take the same approach we do. He's been invited to parties where he knows kids will be drinking and smoking pot--he didn't go, and told us all about it. He thought the whole thing was stupid--I was glad and relieved.
I think not making alcohol a big thing, and setting a good example, is important. My husband and I rarely drink, but we'll occasionally have a beer or a glass of wine with friends. We don't make a big deal out of it. We don't make it sound evil and taboo, just as we don't go out and get drunk with our friends. I think the bottom line is that you have to be a parent--not a friend--to your children. We're there to guide them and help them grow and learn. They earn more freedom and independence as they show they can handle it. The goal is to help him avoid situations where he's in over his head, until he's able to responsibly deal with the situation.
This is the USA. I don't like the "other countries" argument- just because other countries do something, that doesn't make it right. And that still doesn't answer my question about why they need to have alcohol.
ETA- I'm fine with that drinking if it's part of your religion.
This isn't the USA. This is an International forum, with members residing in countries all over the globe. It is an American phenomenon that children being included in the partaking of wine during dinner, in families that do drink wine, is somehow forbidden. In families that don't drink wine, obviously children would also not drink during dinner.
You ask why would children need to be included..the same question could be asked about dessert, or high fat content foods, or sitting -with- the adults instead of at their own table for children...
They don't "need" to be included. They also don't "need" to be excluded. It is a very American choice to exclude them and most people elsewhere in the globe find it a very odd custom to purposefully exclude children from drinking wine with the rest of the family at the dinner table.
This is the USA. I don't like the "other countries" argument- just because other countries do something, that doesn't make it right. And that still doesn't answer my question about why they need to have alcohol.
ETA- I'm fine with that drinking if it's part of your religion.
There's not necessarily anything wrong with it, either, and there's no reason people who move here from another country should have to give up their food choice practices because they are now in the US.
The teenagers in this situation don't "need" alcohol, so your question is a little confusing. It won't hurt them to have a glass of wine with their meal, the exception being if there is a tendency toward alcoholism in the family.
There's not necessarily anything wrong with it, either, and there's no reason people who move here from another country should have to give up their food choice practices because they are now in the US.
The teenagers in this situation don't "need" alcohol, so your question is a little confusing. It won't hurt them to have a glass of wine with their meal, the exception being if there is a tendency toward alcoholism in the family.
Sorry for the confusion. My question was more along the lines of "why does it have to be alcohol" (as opposed to other beverages), not "why does a teem need alcohol", because obviously teens don't need alcohol.
And I do think you're correct. As long as the "glass of wine with dinner", doesn't turn into more, I'm fine with that. It's just not something we will do in OUR home.
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