The nerve of some people... (step-dad, legal, punishment, teens)

[txtqueen]

Ok I have to vent about that one girls mother again.
The one who has the abuse going on that I reported.

I know, parents can do whatever they please and be as strict as they want as long as its legal. I know I know but why can't we draw the line more often at more reasonable levels?

I just really want to tell this girls mother how I feel.
And BTW I know all this new stuff because the girl text me all the time.


K so she texted me today and this is verbatim our convo...

Her: I can't brush my teeth
Me: Why not?
Her: Mom locked our bathroom door
Me: For how long?
Her: Until she unlocks it. She won't give a day
Me: So can you still shower and use the bathroom?
Her: Well the upstairs one.
Me: If I were you I'd buy a second toothbrush....why did she lock it?
Her: Idk. Yeah that's my plan.

Now, let me make this clear. The bathroom door is locked and they ARE NOT ALLOWED to go in and get anything. So she can't get her tooth brush out until her mom unlocks the bathroom door.

Really?
Who does that?
Does this woman really suck at parenting or is she just the nastiest person you have ever heard of?

The things she does.
I mean WHO grounds their child from their own bed?
WHO grounds their child from showering on a daily basis?
WHO grounds their child from their clothes and makes them wear the same underwear and clothes for however long they please?
WHO doesn't allow their child to brush their teeth because of a punishment?

I don't even think its legal.

She tells me of the most insane things that happen...

Like her mom was trying to find a bottle of hand sanitizer and couldn't find it and no one knew where it was, so ALL the kids, the 5, 9, 15, and 17(the girl) had to stand with their noses to the wall....5 and 9 I can understand doing that to...but 15 and 17?? Good grief find an age appropriate punishment or whatever...

I am not against punishment. It's not like I streak around with nothing but a tie dye flag and a megaphone screaming don't punish the children....

I am all for treating children and young teens/adults AGE APPROPRIATELY.

NONE of the kids are going to be ok in the head. They are ALL going to be so screwed up in the head because of that mom and the men she brings into those childrens lives.

My friend told me she was raped from age 9-11 by her step dad.
She has her dad.
Her 15 year old sister has another dad.
The 9 and 5 year old have the same dad.
The 1 year old's dad is this current pot smoking step father.

This girl should be living a normal life.
She should be able to bathe properly every damn day.
She shouldn't be grounded from things you need, clothes, proper sleeping places, hygiene products, toiletry items.
She should be spending time with friends.
She should have a curfew later than 8pm.

Most of all her parents should care.

I would understand if she was some delinquent and her parents were trying to make her feel grateful for the things she did have.

But this girl strives so hard at everything she does, she tries to please people and do exactly as they say, she goes above and beyond what she is asked.
She text me about the book she was writing or the book she is reading.
She texted me the other day about how she scrubbed down the command post(police RV) from top to bottom...
This girl is 17 now(just turned this month) and she reads and writes in her spare time, does her home work, doesn't plan on sex till marriage, does her chores everyday. You name it.

At 17, I got mono and senoritis(fake lazy illness for seniors in high school) in Junior year...
I stayed home from school and went to my apartments pool and tanned.
I stayed up half the night on my laptop and usually skipped my first 2 classes.
I stayed out late.
I texted about the hottest guy at school and teenage things.
I could have cared less about cleaning and chores and would usually re-run the dishes and leave the house.


I don't see why she is treated the way she is.

She has those kinds of parents who no matter how hard she tries they are always angry at her and tell her she isn't good enough...

Now back to why I posted this...
With all this going on...most of which I believe is neglect and abuse....should I call up CPS again and make another claim on them so that maybe they can grow up somewhere normal?

People with "THAT" mindset disgust me.
"It's MY things I only let you use them."
Their children are beneath them and if they aren't worthy enough then they can just take away what they want.

They are children, they are learning.
And if you raise children to feel powerless, hopeless, and unworthy of the most basic things in life, then their children are going to grow up to be screwed up in the head so bad its not funny.

I don't know how to explain it....just people who treat and view children the way that mother does her children make me angry.

[Occam's Bikini Wax]

When you have your own kids, raise them however you want. Until then, myob. My bet is that you're getting played.

[lyzzard]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

They are children, they are learning.
And if you raise children to feel powerless, hopeless, and unworthy of the most basic things in life, then their children are going to grow up to be screwed up in the head so bad its not funny.

Some people learn from their parents mistakes and go on to make better for their own lives. We all have our own choices. Your friend will be considered an adult and can leave then if she chooses to. If she were in a home where she had to pee in a bucket, then it might more of an extreme, but if she has money to buy a new toothbrush and has a phone and can text message, life must not be too bad.

[crisan]

Originally Posted by lyzzard

Some people learn from their parents mistakes and go on to make better for their own lives. We all have our own choices. Your friend will be considered an adult and can leave then if she chooses to. If she were in a home where she had to pee in a bucket, then it might more of an extreme, but if she has money to buy a new toothbrush and has a phone and can text message, life must not be too bad.

I can see this being the case for some families. I remember going to somebody for advice whose judgment I trusted and I listened to it without learning the hard way. Some kids are lucky enough to have people like this for parents. Others are not so they do feel a need to learn things the hard way, question their parents and any other authority once they are in a habit of doing things their way no matter what. Then there are those kids who have insightful parents but they want to learn things the hard way anyway.

So I agree. Let people parent how they want as long as it is not abuse but then it seems that some people have a hard time drawing a line.

[malamute]

At first I thought the OP might be getting played but the fact that the children are all from different men passing through makes you suspect that this is an abusive home. This isn't a family. The mother sounds incredibly irresponsible, and women who bring a lot of strange men into the home do expose their children to rape and abuse.

Call the police this time and report the suspected abuse - especially the rape of the child. CPS is known for dropping the ball.

[Faworki1947]

TxtQueen.. first let me tell you your a very nice and caring person .. and trying to do right but heres whats also in my mind about this ..
your getting played .. why do I think that? the girl has a cell phone still.. IF I were to be mean to my kids like is happening here the cell would be the FIRST thing I would take ..abusers want compleat control of the victim the ability to tell and get help is usually the first thing removed ..
I would still agree with Malamute and say call and do the right thing in your mind which is to help these kids .. The mom doesnt sound very kosher and the many fathers point is a warning sign of possible abuse..
You make some valid points on dispiline of age approate .. and I think your right in those things .. Your doing good by being this girls friend .. just dont get burned

[Hopes]

Let's revisit these accusations as they apply to a 17 year old.

Originally Posted by txtqueen

K so she texted me today and this is verbatim our convo...

Her: I can't brush my teeth
Me: Why not?
Her: Mom locked our bathroom door
Me: For how long?
Her: Until she unlocks it. She won't give a day
Me: So can you still shower and use the bathroom?
Her: Well the upstairs one.
Me: If I were you I'd buy a second toothbrush....why did she lock it?
Her: Idk. Yeah that's my plan.

Now, let me make this clear. The bathroom door is locked and they ARE NOT ALLOWED to go in and get anything. So she can't get her tooth brush out until her mom unlocks the bathroom door.

First, you're asking the wrong questions. The big question is WHY was the bathroom door locked. Was it locked because it was the 17 year old's personal bathroom and she didn't clean it? Was it locked because the toilet is broken and the mother is afraid that the younger children will overflow it? There could be a million reasons the mother locked the bathroom door.

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I mean WHO grounds their child from their own bed?
WHO grounds their child from showering on a daily basis?
WHO grounds their child from their clothes and makes them wear the same underwear and clothes for however long they please?
WHO doesn't allow their child to brush their teeth because of a punishment?

I'll admit that these points bring to mind the book titled "The Child Called It." That mother forced her child to sleep in the basement, wear dirty clothes, etc. Then again, he was in 1st grade.

Originally Posted by txtqueen

This girl should be living a normal life.
She should be able to bathe properly every damn day.
She shouldn't be grounded from things you need, clothes, proper sleeping places, hygiene products, toiletry items.
She should be spending time with friends.
She should have a curfew later than 8pm.

You have no reason to believe that she isn't allowed to bath. She said there is another bathroom in the house they are permitted to use. I agree with others who say that she probably doesn't have it as bad as you believe. She has a cell phone. She is allowed out until 8pm. I know a 17 year old whose cell phone was taken away and he isn't allowed out of the house.....AT ALL.....and he's not allowed to see or talk to friends. He's a good kid but his parents have completely isolating him from society.

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I would understand if she was some delinquent and her parents were trying to make her feel grateful for the things she did have.

But this girl strives so hard at everything she does, she tries to please people and do exactly as they say, she goes above and beyond what she is asked.
She text me about the book she was writing or the book she is reading.
She texted me the other day about how she scrubbed down the command post(police RV) from top to bottom...
This girl is 17 now(just turned this month) and she reads and writes in her spare time, does her home work, doesn't plan on sex till marriage, does her chores everyday. You name it.

Did it not ever occur to you that the way she was raised has helped her to become the person she is now?

[LadyR1990]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Let's revisit these accusations as they apply to a 17 year old.


First, you're asking the wrong questions. The big question is WHY was the bathroom door locked. Was it locked because it was the 17 year old's personal bathroom and she didn't clean it? Was it locked because the toilet is broken and the mother is afraid that the younger children will overflow it? There could be a million reasons the mother locked the bathroom door.

Maybe she is doing Drain-O in the sinks and doesn't want someone to run the tap and ruin it. That's the first thought that crossed my mind.

[okpondlady]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

And BTW I know all this new stuff because the girl text me all the time.

If she were really abused she wouldn't be texting ALL THE TIME. She wouldn't be communicating with anyone. Abuse most times is about control and cutting people off from others.


The things she does.
I mean WHO grounds their child from their own bed? I have, they refused to make it. They got to sleep on the carpet with a blanket until they complied with my request. All I ask is they change the sheets once a week and bring them to the laundry room. Then take the new sheets and put on the bed. It only took 1 time. She was happy to comply.

WHO grounds their child from showering on a daily basis?
WHO grounds their child from their clothes and makes them wear the same underwear and clothes for however long they please?
WHO doesn't allow their child to brush their teeth because of a punishment?

I don't even think its legal. It might be borderline neglect but I don't think so. I think you are being played.

She tells me of the most insane things that happen...

Like her mom was trying to find a bottle of hand sanitizer and couldn't find it and no one knew where it was, so ALL the kids, the 5, 9, 15, and 17(the girl) had to stand with their noses to the wall....5 and 9 I can understand doing that to...but 15 and 17?? Good grief find an age appropriate punishment or whatever...
Maybe this was an ongoing problem? Who knows. You don't live there so you don't have any REAL idea what is happening in this house. Sometimes treating older kids to childish type punishment is what it takes to get their attention.


I am not against punishment. It's not like I streak around with nothing but a tie dye flag and a megaphone screaming don't punish the children....

I am all for treating children and young teens/adults AGE APPROPRIATELY. According to you. I think what YOU think is age appropriate punishment and the adults on this board think are age appropriate are two different things.

NONE of the kids are going to be ok in the head. They are ALL going to be so screwed up in the head because of that mom and the men she brings into those children's lives.

My friend told me she was raped from age 9-11 by her step dad.
She has her dad.
Her 15 year old sister has another dad.
The 9 and 5 year old have the same dad.
The 1 year old's dad is this current pot smoking step father.

This girl should be living a normal life. Again normal according to you...
She should be able to bathe properly every damn day.
She shouldn't be grounded from things you need, clothes, proper sleeping places, hygiene products, toiletry items.
She should be spending time with friends. Maybe her parents don't like her friends...or think they are a bad influence.
She should have a curfew later than 8pm. On weeknights? Work nights? School nights? Weekends? Maybe they don't believe in "Hanging out with your buddies till all hours of the night.

Most of all her parents should care.

I would understand if she was some delinquent and her parents were trying to make her feel grateful for the things she did have.

But this girl strives so hard at everything she does, she tries to please people and do exactly as they say, she goes above and beyond what she is asked.
She text me about the book she was writing or the book she is reading.
She texted me the other day about how she scrubbed down the command post(police RV) from top to bottom...
This girl is 17 now(just turned this month) and she reads and writes in her spare time, does her home work, doesn't plan on sex till marriage, does her chores everyday. You name it.

At 17, I got mono and senoritis(fake lazy illness for seniors in high school) in Junior year...
I stayed home from school and went to my apartments pool and tanned.
I stayed up half the night on my laptop and usually skipped my first 2 classes.
I stayed out late.
I texted about the hottest guy at school and teenage things.
I could have cared less about cleaning and chores and would usually re-run the dishes and leave the house.


I don't see why she is treated the way she is. Because she is not your child.. Mind your own business.

She has those kinds of parents who no matter how hard she tries they are always angry at her and tell her she isn't good enough...

Now back to why I posted this...
With all this going on...most of which I believe is neglect and abuse....should I call up CPS again and make another claim on them so that maybe they can grow up somewhere normal? If you think Foster Care is NORMAL you have another thought coming. But if it will make you feel better, call and make more trouble for these people.

People with "THAT" mindset disgust me.
"It's MY things I only let you use them." You betcha.
Their children are beneath them and if they aren't worthy enough then they can just take away what they want. Sure can.

They are children, they are learning.
And if you raise children to feel powerless, hopeless, and unworthy of the most basic things in life, then their children are going to grow up to be screwed up in the head so bad its not funny. Maybe they will do what is normal. Grow up and LEAVE HOME. Go where it makes you happy. Where you can do anything you want.

I don't know how to explain it....just people who treat and view children the way that mother does her children make me angry.

You should realize the way you are raised and treated is NOT NORMAL. You are allowed to be way over the line if respect and decency. Your little paragraph about what YOU did as a Junior is a fine example. I am so glad you have the parents you have. You should be too.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Let's revisit these accusations as they apply to a 17 year old.


First, you're asking the wrong questions. The big question is WHY was the bathroom door locked. Was it locked because it was the 17 year old's personal bathroom and she didn't clean it? Was it locked because the toilet is broken and the mother is afraid that the younger children will overflow it? There could be a million reasons the mother locked the bathroom door.

She shares it with a few other siblings. So ALL their toothbrushes are in there. Nothing is wrong with the bathroom the mother just gets angry and will lock it and not allow them to get things out of it. She has done it before.

Originally Posted by Hopes

I'll admit that these points bring to mind the book titled "The Child Called It." That mother forced her child to sleep in the basement, wear dirty clothes, etc. Then again, he was in 1st grade.

Originally Posted by Hopes

You have no reason to believe that she isn't allowed to bath. She said there is another bathroom in the house they are permitted to use. I agree with others who say that she probably doesn't have it as bad as you believe. She has a cell phone. She is allowed out until 8pm. I know a 17 year old whose cell phone was taken away and he isn't allowed out of the house.....AT ALL.....and he's not allowed to see or talk to friends. He's a good kid but his parents have completely isolating him from society.

That's NOT right. Those kinds of people should be stopped.
She has before told me she is only allowed to shower every other day.
And even then she has to ask permission to shower and usually her step-dad or mom will just say no and she'll go a few days with no shower. Trust me, I have been around her and she has smelled gross and her hair was greasy.
And her cell phone gets taken away a lot. It was recently gone for nearly 4 months and she just got it back when school let out.
And by 8pm curfew. She isn't allowed to go do anything after then because that's when everyone is expected to go to bed, she DOESN'T go anywhere or do anything because her mom never wants to A) let her and B) drive her. I told her to come swimming with me and to tell her mom she was going to walk and go swim with some friends and her mom wouldn't give her an answer as to if she could walk or not.

Originally Posted by Hopes

Did it not ever occur to you that the way she was raised has helped her to become the person she is now?

That's crappy. I don't care if the horrible way her mother raised her made her the way she is today because although she may have good values, she is really screwed up in the head. Socially awkward, the works.

I rather see a slightly rebellious NORMAL 17 year old than what I see today. She's not mentally healthy right now and I would rather her be normal than like she is today.