The nerve of some people... (babysitting, teenage, teaching, parents)

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by zitsky

The kid is 17, so a lot of folks would just say, she'll be 18 soon, why say anything?

Yep, a lot of people may say that but she may be 11 months from being 18 but her sister is 3 years away, her 2nd younger sister is 9 years away, her first little brother is 13 years away and her baby brother is 17 years away....

17 more years of these people being parents....
I don't think so.

[dmw53184]

txt queen i will use my teenage years as an example when i was 15 i ran away from home from my moms because she took away my art supplies and forbade me to go next door because she found the nighbor to be a pediphile but i wanted to go next door because of my friend. well i called children and youth and made up everything you can think of they took me and put me in a friends home who i had gained sympothy with my lies she my friend lavished gifts on me while i continued to make up more lies to see what else i could get. My mother was a good mother but i tarnished her because i was immature and ungratefull for all she had done for me. txtqueen really if you feel she is telling you the truth why not come over to visit her and see the true state of things for all you know she made up all of it and is playing you.Better yet why not take her to the planned parent hood for a rape kit if they find her to have been penetrated then there is due cause to call children and youth if they find she has not then you know shes lying too you let me ask you this txtqueen how much have you gotten her already?I know abuse happens but i also know children are not fully mature and can make poor choices in words. also how do you know the girl is not allowed to take showers when you have never been in the home? she could just be refusing too take showers for all you know. dont leap before you know if you know what im saying you could call children and youth with no cause and severly damage the other children and the girl as she may regret if she had lied about saying those things. I also think a parent is the one to make decisions in there childs life as they are the ones providing for the child now some of the things you write sound horrendouse especially the rape but also take in mind things are done differantly everywhere in africa mothers allow there children to be scarred its called scarrification as a right of passage would you call those parents insane?I just think before you cast stones investigate everything for yourself firsthand please you could be ruining a good loving family over a disgruntled teenager but you may be saving an unhappy family if she is telling the truth.

[littleelvis]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

Yep, a lot of people may say that but she may be 11 months from being 18 but her sister is 3 years away, her 2nd younger sister is 9 years away, her first little brother is 13 years away and her baby brother is 17 years away....

17 more years of these people being parents....
I don't think so.

What is it you think your going to accomplish? From everything I have read in this post I don't see any real abuse going on. I may not agree with what is going on but I also don't have all the facts and nor do you. You have one side of the story from a 17 year old who I am sure is embelishing the story. If your so concerned go talk to the parents.

I think texting a 17 year old on a regular basis about here persoal life is strange for a 20 year old to be doing without her parents knowledge.

I would bet if you told the 17 year old your going to go talk to her Mom and show her all the text messages that her story would change real quick. She would probably remember why the bathroom door was locked.

As someone else stated before. Your sense of NORMAL is relative to the way your were raised. MYOB or go talk to the parents. Quit calling CPS on people because you don't thing their normal.

[KylieEve]

As usual the OP has all the answers

[jasper12]

I have seen some wierd stuff...but usually children do not tell what is really happening at home, not only because it is shameful, but because in their minds, children want to have a good mother, so very few will tell any stories about the abuse. Even grown children, who have experienced horrific abuse generally do not discuss it. So, when a teen ager does disclose abuse, it should be investigated, but at the same time....what is the motivation for discussing this? Because in my experience, most children will not offer up this information without alot of prompting, and questioning, they are usually protective of their parents, even abusive ones. Why? Because they don't want their lives to change, they prefer the predictability of a bad home, to the uncertianity of no home. Until things get so bad that they will leave, usually at around 14 or 15. Even then, they don't turn in the parents, they just run away, and don't seek help.

[cheerbaby112]

Originally Posted by littleelvis

What is it you think your going to accomplish? From everything I have read in this post I don't see any real abuse going on. I may not agree with what is going on but I also don't have all the facts and nor do you. You have one side of the story from a 17 year old who I am sure is embelishing the story. If your so concerned go talk to the parents.

I think texting a 17 year old on a regular basis about here persoal life is strange for a 20 year old to be doing without her parents knowledge.

I would bet if you told the 17 year old your going to go talk to her Mom and show her all the text messages that her story would change real quick. She would probably remember why the bathroom door was locked.

As someone else stated before. Your sense of NORMAL is relative to the way your were raised. MYOB or go talk to the parents. Quit calling CPS on people because you don't thing their normal.

Where I'm from that is not strange...Many people hang out with the older crowd.

[Informed Info]

Originally Posted by zitsky

Sorry, but this is one of the most ignorant things I've read in a long time. I happen to come from those "lower classes". I grew up in a series of smaller and smaller towns as our parents moved us around. I lived in a housing project, then trailers until I was adult. I didn't even live in a "house" until I was 35. That's a luxury.

My parents had their own set of issues. I've had the punishments of being forced to stay at a table for hours after not cleaning my plate. I was beaten with a wooden spoon, or had my mouth washed out with soap for saying things that most other parents wouldn't even notice. For about a year or more we had to shower by heating water up on the stove, then pouring it into the bucket. All because our water heater broke. A few of us worked summer jobs, and my dad got disability and food stamps. We had enough money to replace it so we could have all lived decently. But my dad wanted to be stubborn and controlling so we didn't get to have hot water from a faucet.

I still don't think this kind of behavior is acceptable. Maybe this stuff is true, maybe not. The kid is 17, so a lot of folks would just say, she'll be 18 soon, why say anything? I'll just get a lot of frustration. But maybe someone will ignore the advice to look the other way, and say something, or do something about it. There were people in my church, including the minister that knew some of what went on in our house. They all turned away because it "wasn't their business". I wish someone had done something to help make our life a little bit better. Please consider calling Child Protective Services. They may do nothing. The parents may take revenge on the daughter. Maybe the parents would stop what their doing.

Good luck and thank you to the OP for "interfering".

You didn't read 20yrs second post.

"Low class" is a mindset. Just like "trash" is a mindset. Has nothing to do with income.

[Informed Info]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

Why don't we compare her rules now at 17 to mine when I was 17.

Her:
-Can only shower every other day.
-Has to ask permission to shower.

But why? What's the reason? Why don't you have her over to your house to shower? Buy her an extra tooth brush.

-Can't do anything after 8pm.
-Isn't allowed but 30 minutes of computer a day but never gets it and gets on about once a month.

I guess her parents hate her. Or just use her for a babysitter.

-Has to do everyone's (7 people) laundry EVERYDAY.

And if she didn't? What would happen? More nose to the wall? Let me tell you something, washing the laundry of 5 people is a lot of work. It must take her all day long, every day. Unless, of course, mom and step dad only change their underwear and clothing 1x a week. I'd tell her to bleach a nice big old load of mom and dads darks. Ooops!

-Has to scrub the bathrooms.

What would happen if she didn't? More non-shower time? Tell her to scrub mom's shower with baby oil.

Has to schedule plans with friends 2 days in advance.

So they let her go out? Tell her to tell them on Thursday she has plans for a Saturday - and on a Friday, she can tell them she has plans for Sunday.

Still has to stand with her nose to the wall.

Would it be better for her if she got her cell phone taken from her? And why hasn't her punishment savvy mother figured that one out yet?

Gets grounded from showering. (once was grounded a whole week from showering).
-Gets grounded from her clothes and has to wear the same thing.

That's just pathetic. Can she shower at school? At a friends house? IF this is the "norm" for her, why doesn't she have a bag of clothes packed? Wash her hair in the kitchen sink before crazy mom and crazy dad wake up? Or the night before? Does her mother lock her closet door? Does her mother take all of her clothing out of her drawers and closet and hide them on her? She should be more prepared if this is the norm for her. Get a bunch of clothes together and ask a friend to keep them at her house. Or in her locker at school.

Gets grounded from using her own bed.

So did Dr. Phil's kids.

Her parents still use a program online to read her text messages.

Not a big deal.

She sits at home and does nothing but is writing a book or reads and does nothing but cleans.

She doesn't go to school?

Her parents don't let her do anything with school like sports or extra curricular activities.

That's a shame.

Me:
-At 17 I was allowed out till around 1am if I was doing something like a late movie or a party on the weekends and was usually home by 10 or 11 on school nights unless it was a football game night.

Very late - the 1am.

I would have NEVER been grounded from showering, clean clothes or using my bed. Those were just things that are something you just don't take away.

I don't get the not being allowed to shower thing either. Unless her mother's intention is to embarrass her, which is pathetic.

You said her parents leave her to babysit. Why doesn't she shower when they are out? Most inside door locks have to have a way to get in from the outside. A little screwdriver will unlock any of them. Otherwise how does mom unlock the bathroom door?

[sskkc]

Friday I told my kids that if they didn't start brushing their teeth when they are told, then I will throw out their toothbrushes and not ALLOW them to brush their teeth for one month.

Better call CPS on me (oh- and if you wouldn't mind, please send me a check to reimburse me for their past dental bills and a second to cover their future dental bills)\

Oh - and I've threatened my kids with not washing their clothes for a week and making them wear the same thing again and again. I am so tired of clothes on the floor, under the bed - everywhere BUT the hamper.

It does strike me that your friend is the one doing all the laundry - you'd think she'd wash her own clothes.

Having kids do chores is NOT abuse. Not allowing a child to play on a computer is NOT abuse. Having a child put their nose on the wall is not abuse.

Some 21 year olds (especially those who still hang out with 17 year olds) simply cannot see 'the big picture' and don't realize that 1) kids lie, especially to their friends, for sympathy/pity and 2) a parent's purpose is to teach their child to become a responsible adult, not cater to their every whim.

OP, I understand that your mother was horrible and failed completely in her purpose with you. But quit inserting yourself in everyone else's life and go get your own.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by sskkc

Friday I told my kids that if they didn't start brushing their teeth when they are told, then I will throw out their toothbrushes and not ALLOW them to brush their teeth for one month.


Having kids do chores is NOT abuse. Not allowing a child to play on a computer is NOT abuse. Having a child put their nose on the wall is not abuse.

Yeah but would you really not let them brush their teeth for one month?
Honestly, I don't think you would keep your kids from brushing their teeth for a full month. There is a difference between it being an empty threat and actually following through with it.

You took it out of context.
Having ONE child do so many chores that they don't have time for anything else and school isn't the top priority is pretty effed up. School should come first for my friend, not washing mommy and daddies clothes EVERYDAY. Its like ****** please havent you ever heard of a laundry day? Come the eff on.

Mom and dad's clothes should be washed on sunday so they have clean clothes for the week.
The two younger kids clothes should be washed on friday and the two older girls can do their loads of clothes saturday morning.

There is no need to do laundry every single day. If the woman wants to change outfits as often as she does the ****** needs to get in the laundry room and do it herself.

Pawning your selfishly lived life off on your kids is abuse.

I do my laundry once every two weeks or as I need to.
I have enough I can go two full weeks and wash my clothes just two sunday's a month.

Having a 17 put their nose to the wall is not an age appropriate punishment. I am a firm believer if you treat people of a certain age younger then you are going to mentally screw them up.

This girl lives a child life, not a 17 almost 18 year olds life, how is she suppose to mentally grow and be happy and healthy if she lives the way she does.

She is really screwed up in the head, she is in all sorts of counseling, her step fathers have raped her. She's afraid to do more than kiss her boyfriend. She obsessively cleans and unhealthily strives for an unobtainable level of perfection because she is always made to feel like she isn't good enough.

I cannot wait till she is 18 and is out of the house and can start living a normal life and start healing from all the damage her mother has put her through.

This girl gets great grades, wants to wait for marriage to have sex, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, is going into the military, genuinely cares for others, works hard....her slutastic mother should be grateful her daughter is such a good person and should feel like a total failure for allowing ANY of those things to have happened to her.