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Lisa - was she getting stuff off her mind that had been bothering her? Things alsways seem to come across different in an email because you can't hear the tone of someones voice or expressions on their face. Maybe she didn't mean it so harshly? If it's a good friend that you want to remain friends with, then tell her how it made you feel and both of you need to clear the air.
I'm the person that started this thread a long time ago and since have dropped two friends that brought negativity to my life. I probably could have handles things a little better because I don't think either one of them really understood why I stopped talking to them. I didn't make the effort because I really feel they would have just argued and "not got it".
After my grandfather passed away last year and there were some family fueds going on (money related) it just made me look at things different and I'm not wasting anymore time on people that bring me down or I'm the one making all th effort in the relationship. I'm always feeling bad for everyone and making excuses for their behavior, meanwhile I go out of my way to make sure everyone is happy. I'm done.
I know what you mean but I have to say it was the baseless accusations and name calling that kind of sent me over the edge...In fact I have no reply for such an email...what is there to be said?
Oh no, name calling is inexcusable. That shows no respect and is uncalled for. I don't blame you if you drop her. I would never date someone or be friends with someone if they called me names.
I'm sorry to hear about this because even though I dropped my two friends, it hurt. I'm sure what she said to you was painful.
It's funny to have stumbled across this thread today. I have some "friends" who I only seem to hear from when they want something. Buy tickets to this charity event, help with this church activity, show them how to use a certain software. When I mention something like going out to lunch, stop by for coffee, the answer I get is that it sounds great..."let's do that sometime." It rarely, RARELY happens.
I've decided that I will bow out from the church activity that I've helped with for the past 6 years because, frankly, it is taking too much of my time with my family who are growing up way too fast. There are weeks and weeks of prep that goes into it, and more of it is falling on me. Strangely, it isn't even my church. It's my "friend's" church, I help her with this event - then the rest of the year I barely see her. "No" is a word I'll be using more and more with certain people.
I had a friend years ago who did nothing but cry and moan about her (married) boyfriend. Every time she called, every time I'd be invited over for lunch, every time we went to dinner - it was all about her crying and complaining. One time I suggested that we go antique shopping, or to the mall or something. The answer, "Oh yeah, we'll do that!" Never happened because it probably would have interferred with the complaining. My shoulders just aren't that big.
She finally broke it off with the boyfriend. Awhile later meets a new (single!) guy - I hardly hear from her. I did get an invitation to her wedding, which I couldn't attend. I haven't heard from her since.
I used to have a 'best friend' for many years who I knew treated people badly. I always assumed (never assume!) she knew the boundary of who not to treat badly. Namely...me. She was horrible to food servers, cashiers, store employees - so I went overboard being ridiculously nice to them to make up for that. (Often threw a few extra bucks in the tip for them putting up with her rudeness).
Anyway, I had a particular idea that I came up with a while ago, and for a number of years it would enter our conversation. She knew darn well it was something I originated from our many, many discussions.
One day, she announced to me that she had a great idea of what SHE could do with my idea. After I put my eyeballs back in my head I said "You wouldn't do that without me, would you?" Silence. She continues to talk about HER great idea that she thought of from what I had told her. I repeat my question - same response. I asked her this same question 3 times, each time...Silence.
I had a couple more conversations with her about this, and told her that whether or not she followed through with her 'idea,' why did she not realize that I would have some feelings about her only thinking of herself, and not the person who she got the idea from? She had nothing to say - it's like it didn't register.
The silence was unusual for her because we would talk on the phone for hours, usually about her issues. She had plenty to say then.
That is when it sunk into my brain that she viewed EVERYONE as someone to be used for her purposes. She didn't view me as someone to respect any more than the poor cashiers or food servers she looked down upon.
I cut if off with her promptly. I told her if she wished to contact me she could email. She called me about 2 years later to ask what happened. I repeated the whole thing and her response was that she was sorry I felt that way. That is the world's lamest apology. Not 'I'm sorry I said that" or "I apologize for not considering your feelings." Nope - "I'm sorry that YOU have issues."
Turns out she and her husband had a baby during that time. It was one of the topics of the ENDLESS "let's talk about ME" conversations, her trying to concieve. She gets pregnant and has the baby - I never got a phone call or a birth announcement.
Anyway, during that conversation, I just explained to her that I came to realize that we have very different philosophies on what friendship is really about. I wished her well. Strange thing is, for as close as I thought we were - I never missed her for one minute. I didn't realize what an energy and emotional drain she was.
I have to say that I do have some friends in my life who are sincere, loyal, funny, intelligent, supportive and consistent. We do not want anything from each other but to enjoy being in each other's lives. I cherish them.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent this. It's been on my mind and expressing it felt good.
Oh no, name calling is inexcusable. That shows no respect and is uncalled for. I don't blame you if you drop her. I would never date someone or be friends with someone if they called me names.
I'm sorry to hear about this because even though I dropped my two friends, it hurt. I'm sure what she said to you was painful.
Well I found out today just how far this person is willing to take things...she called DCF and made up a horrible story to tell them...I was SO taken aback, I can't tell you. I had no idea this person was SO vindictive...definetly time to move on where I am concerned.
Well I found out today just how far this person is willing to take things...she called DCF and made up a horrible story to tell them...I was SO taken aback, I can't tell you. I had no idea this person was SO vindictive...definetly time to move on where I am concerned.
Do you think she misunderstood something that happened? That's just crazy! Is she jealous of you perhaps and trying to mess with your life? Or maybe thinks you did something you didn't do? I hope things get better.
Do you think she misunderstood something that happened? That's just crazy! Is she jealous of you perhaps and trying to mess with your life? Or maybe thinks you did something you didn't do? I hope things get better.
Since I wrote my last message, I found out that she has been emailing my sister as well. She thinks because I suffer from anxiety attacks, she needs to take custody of my daughter...
She didn't misunderstand something but lets say she did...would you not ask a few questions before you wrote a nasty email or called DCF?
I don't do drugs, I don't abuse drugs perscribed to me, I haven't had a drink of alcohol in about 6 months and when I did last, it was a glass of Arbor Mist in the evening here at home, I don't abuse or neglect my daughter, I make sure she is fed, I try to make sure she is having fun and I make sure she learns responsibilities, like she does the dishes sometimes, she folds her own laundry...
It has been my feeling for some time that this person might be bipolar, all three of her brothers were diagnosed bipolar and her Father was bipolar with psychotic features and was actually hospitalized against his will. She spends alot of her time talking about how crazy other people are and how she is the only sane one in the world...ask a psychiatric professional, they will tell you its those people who think they are the only sane ones that need the real help. Honestly, I think she is in a manic phase at the moment...
The lady from DCF was very nice...I answered all her questions, showed her around the house AND she spoke with my daughter seperately. I feel badly for them because I know alot of people in my place would have treated her badly or complained or whatever. Here in Florida they work these people 7 days a week AND they don't get paid very well.
My best friend for twenty years dropped me overnight two years ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I lost my head cheerleader, my sounding board, my
fellow adventurer and one of the few that really mattered to me. We went from talking on the phone every week to nada. She wasn't without cause, our friendship had been under strain as our personal and professional lives were both in a funk and that can fray the best of intentions. Things went from bad to worse when I invited her to my house for a weekend and we were a state of disconnect from the get go. Then my car broke down midway and in the stress of the situation, so did our friendship. It ended badly with her literally running away to catch a train the next morning. I knew it had been bad--all of it- and apologized profusely the next day for my part in it. She didn't though and that's when I knew it was really bad. Then she dropped me. At first I was grateful as I felt so bad about the weekend, how could friends be so mean to each other? We needed to be apart! 6 months later I thought maybe it had blown over and we could figure out something, but she was done. I'd spoken to her mother occasionally and got few updates, but now that just seems pathetic. Maybe people "need" to be dumped, but it is hard to be on the receiving end whatever the circumstances.
Lately I have had a lot of problems with "friends". I am always the initiator, get called only when things are being sold or having a cheesy home sales party, I try real hard to make/keep friends and it is not reciprocated, (we helped a couple move, then never heard from them again). So, I have learned to be congenial but not get close to anyone. Last summer I was "dropped" by a person I had thought was a good friend only to have her call me that a tornado was coming and if I am getting ready,huh? I should have known from that, she was unstable or on drugs or something. Boy, she let me have it over the phone about what a bad mother I was, how I don't do this, don't do that, do it all wrong because it is not like her...I basically let her vent on me and told her I was done with her. Five minutes later, she calls me back to ask how I have been potty training my kids, what? I have not talked to her since...the thing that is hard is we see each other at our kids' schools, at outings, mutual friends, and I do not even bother to say hi to her because I am not going to let her bring me down again. I cut her out of my life because I thought, who needs that kind of friend? The other thing is we have mutual friends, and it looks like they have chosen her. I also never get chosen when it comes to situations like that, don't know why.
Recently I was reading an article that was titled "Things you should do by the time your thirty". One of the things on the list was drop friends that hold you back & bring you down. Well, I'm a lot older and I still had one friend in my life that has brought me down many times and I feel I've always been a better friend to her than she has been to me. We had a disagreement a couple weeks ago and I haven't wanted to speak to her, so the other day she called me and we had a big blow out. I said things I've been holding in for a long time and she was clueless. Since the argument I can't stop thinking about it and I feel anxiety and really mad still, to the point I don't want to ever talk to her again. On the other hand we've been friends for twenty years and I wonder if it's right to just drop a friend after all this time?
I dropped a friend after knowing him for 25 years after finding out he was out there using my name in bars and clubs. I caught him in the act and he became angry even though he was "busted'. Who needs friends like that? He has since become divorced and walks around the streets in a city which shall remain un named, along with his HS yearbook talking to anyone who will listen to him. Was I wrong? I think not as he did nothing more than bring negativity and gloom into my life and I spent one night too many getting him home safely from the bars just so he could badger and argue with his wife.
yes i have.............solitude is preferable to bad company.
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SORRY - this is long!
I said "You wouldn't do that without me, would you?" Silence. She continues to talk about HER great idea that she thought of from what I had told her. I repeat my question - same response. I asked her this same question 3 times, each time...Silence. 
