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A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
"If it is true that stress brings on weight loss, why the hell am I not invisible?"
...
"Looks are not important. It’s what’s inside you that’s really valuable."
Howard, 37, black market organ dealer
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
Instead of finding a new form of social media,
we should all go back to bonfires, tailgate parties, night fishing,
porch sitting,
and cruising with the radio playing.
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
Subject: Perspective
Often what we see as certain and irrevocable fact is just a product of
our perspective, which is the sum of our life experience. Consider
the case of Steve:
Steve lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed
and knows the end is very near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and
two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a
camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is
ready, he begins to speak:
"My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100
and Tavernier."
"My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon
Government Center."
"Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
bay side on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, "Your
husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all
this property."
The wife replies, "Yeah, right. The bum had a paper route."
Remember, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who reads 2-3
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends
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