12-18-2009, 11:08 AM
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Reputation: 4631
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shy
I know I'm just a new member so far, but a rather serious question I was hoping I could please ask the advice of the NOVA experts on: does anyone have any suggestions or tips on where the best local places for a straight male who is also love-shy might be, in terms of trying to meet nice, caring girls ages 25-30...who are looking for a non-casual relationship? (I've repeatedly tried pubs, churches, bible study groups, dance clubs, local online dating, even the expensive types of local brick-and-mortar dating agencies, with 0% success in finding the kind of girl I was looking for.)
I'm quite serious, and not joking in any way here. At 30, I'm college-educated and have been working in the D.C. federal sector for over 8 years, have dated local girls before, during, and after college, but due to being love-shy, more introverted than extroverted (but still a nice person), and having 0% relationships experience, I have never been in an actual relationship with a girl ever. I'm 100% straight (not gay). Female friends and family are unwilling to help me. I've been told before by many people that I'm a very nice person, and I'm not bad-looking -- have been rated an 8 out of 10 on a 10 point scale before, but even that hasn't helped me.
Other than bars, clubbing, and church (which have all been universally unsuccessful for me), where in NOVA can a guy go to try to meet the elusive "nice girl" type...basically the kind that you'd like to bring home Mom and Dad?
12-18-2009, 11:15 AM
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Reputation: 3808
What kind of interests do you have? Which ones might be considered "co-ed"? You may be able to find like-minded acquaintances in a related local social group; Meetup would be a good website to start looking from there.
12-18-2009, 11:22 AM
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,129 posts, read
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Reputation: 6921
What do you mean exactly by "love-shy"?
12-18-2009, 11:29 AM
413 posts, read
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Reputation: 127
How have you dated local girls but never been in a relationship before? I don't get it.
12-18-2009, 11:35 AM
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,129 posts, read
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Reputation: 6921
Most women don't really care for introverts. At least the ones I know.
12-18-2009, 11:48 AM
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Reputation: 4631
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CAVA1990
What do you mean exactly by "love-shy"?
According to the excerpts from the associated page on wikipedia:
Quote:
Love shyness is a phrase created by psychologist Brian G. Gilmartin chronic shyness Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatments (1987), love-shy people find it difficult if not impossible to be assertive romantic heterosexual conversations anxiety
Quote:
Gilmartin had seven criteria for each "love-shy man" he included in his study:He is a virgin.
He rarely goes out socially with women more than just friends.
He has no history of any emotionally close, meaningful relationships of a romantic...nature with any member of the opposite sex.
He has suffered and is continuing to suffer emotionally because of a lack of meaningful female companionship.
He becomes extremely anxiety-ridden over so much as the mere thought of asserting himself vis-a-vis a woman in a casual, friendly way.
He is strictly heterosexual in his romantic and erotic orientations.
Quote:
Most of the love-shy men, but none of the non-shy men, reported never having any friends; not even acquaintances. The vast majority of love-shy men reported being bullied friendless
12-18-2009, 11:49 AM
5,460 posts, read
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Reputation: 4631
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tone509
What kind of interests do you have? Which ones might be considered "co-ed"? You may be able to find like-minded acquaintances in a related local social group; Meetup would be a good website to start looking from there.
That's a great idea, thanks Tone509! I will be sure to check out the recommended site.
12-18-2009, 11:50 AM
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,129 posts, read
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Reputation: 6921
You might start by referring to them as "women" instead of "girls".
12-18-2009, 11:53 AM
Location: Virginia
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Reputation: 42988
Have you considered toastmasters? It's a group to help people develop public speaking skills and appeals to a lot of shy people. Between the speeches and table topics you tend to learn a lot about each other, so it would give you common ground when talking to the single girls during a break. I've been to a few, and it's fun. A lot of the speeches are funny, so it's like going to a comedy club at times. Just so you know, though, some of groups seem to have mostly married people, others have quite a few singles (so if you hit the wrong group, ask one of the other members which one would be a better choice).
12-18-2009, 11:54 AM
5,460 posts, read
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Reputation: 4631
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nemesis16
How have you dated local girls but never been in a relationship before? I don't get it.
100% rejection rate after the first or second date. All girls I dated except only 2 ended up being single dates, because the girls were either uninterested, didn't respond to attempts at further contact, or wanted to "just be friends". The 2 dates that did end up in a second date never resulted in a third. Ultimately, none of the girls I dated ended up willing to try to give me a serious chance at a relationship with them.
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House heating fuel used in apartments - No fuel used (%)
Armed forces status - In Armed Forces (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Veteran (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Nonveteran (%)
Fatal accidents locations in years 2005-2021
Fatal accidents locations in 2005
Fatal accidents locations in 2006
Fatal accidents locations in 2007
Fatal accidents locations in 2008
Fatal accidents locations in 2009
Fatal accidents locations in 2010
Fatal accidents locations in 2011
Fatal accidents locations in 2012
Fatal accidents locations in 2013
Fatal accidents locations in 2014
Fatal accidents locations in 2015
Fatal accidents locations in 2016
Fatal accidents locations in 2017
Fatal accidents locations in 2018
Fatal accidents locations in 2019
Fatal accidents locations in 2020
Fatal accidents locations in 2021
Alcohol use - People drinking some alcohol every month (%)
Alcohol use - People not drinking at all (%)
Alcohol use - Average days/month drinking alcohol
Alcohol use - Average drinks/week
Alcohol use - Average days/year people drink much
Audiometry - Average condition of hearing (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear a whisper from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear normal voice from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - Ears ringing, roaring, buzzing (%)
Audiometry - Had a job exposure to loud noise (%)
Audiometry - Had off-work exposure to loud noise (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high blood pressure (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Checking blood pressure at home (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Frequently checking blood cholesterol (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high cholesterol level (%)
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at supermarket/grocery store
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at other stores
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on eating out
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on carryout/delivered foods
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at supermarket/grocery store (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at other stores (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on eating out (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on carryout/delivered foods (%)
Current Health Status - General health condition (%)
Current Health Status - Blood donors (%)
Current Health Status - Has blood ever tested for HIV virus (%)
Current Health Status - Left-handed people (%)
Dermatology - People using sunscreen (%)
Diabetes - Diabetics (%)
Diabetes - Had a blood test for high blood sugar (%)
Diabetes - People taking insulin (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Diet health (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Milk product consumption (# of products/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals not home prepared (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals from fast food or pizza place (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Ready-to-eat foods (#/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Frozen meals/pizza (#/month)
Drug Use - People that ever used marijuana or hashish (%)
Drug Use - Ever used hard drugs (%)
Drug Use - Ever used any form of cocaine (%)
Drug Use - Ever used heroin (%)
Drug Use - Ever used methamphetamine (%)
Health Insurance - People covered by health insurance (%)
Kidney Conditions-Urology - Avg. # of times urinating at night
Medical Conditions - People with asthma (%)
Medical Conditions - People with anemia (%)
Medical Conditions - People with psoriasis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with overweight (%)
Medical Conditions - Elderly people having difficulties in thinking or remembering (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever received blood transfusion (%)
Medical Conditions - People having trouble seeing even with glass/contacts (%)
Medical Conditions - People with arthritis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with gout (%)
Medical Conditions - People with congestive heart failure (%)
Medical Conditions - People with coronary heart disease (%)
Medical Conditions - People with angina pectoris (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had heart attack (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had stroke (%)
Medical Conditions - People with emphysema (%)
Medical Conditions - People with thyroid problem (%)
Medical Conditions - People with chronic bronchitis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with any liver condition (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had cancer or malignancy (%)
Mental Health - People who have little interest in doing things (%)
Mental Health - People feeling down, depressed, or hopeless (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (%)
Mental Health - People feeling tired or having little energy (%)
Mental Health - People with poor appetite or overeating (%)
Mental Health - People feeling bad about themself (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble concentrating on things (%)
Mental Health - People moving or speaking slowly or too fast (%)
Mental Health - People having thoughts they would be better off dead (%)
Oral Health - Average years since last visit a dentist
Oral Health - People embarrassed because of mouth (%)
Oral Health - People with gum disease (%)
Oral Health - General health of teeth and gums (%)
Oral Health - Average days a week using dental floss/device
Oral Health - Average days a week using mouthwash for dental problem
Oral Health - Average number of teeth
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to control insects (%)
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to kill weeds (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People walking or bicycling (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - Average hours a day doing sedentary activities
Physical Activity - Average hours a day watching TV or videos
Physical Activity - Average hours a day using computer
Physical Functioning - People having limitations keeping them from working (%)
Physical Functioning - People limited in amount of work they can do (%)
Physical Functioning - People that need special equipment to walk (%)
Physical Functioning - People experiencing confusion/memory problems (%)
Physical Functioning - People requiring special healthcare equipment (%)
Prescription Medications - Average number of prescription medicines taking
Preventive Aspirin Use - Adults 40+ taking low-dose aspirin (%)
Reproductive Health - Vaginal deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Cesarean deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Deliveries resulted in a live birth (%)
Reproductive Health - Pregnancies resulted in a delivery (%)
Reproductive Health - Women breastfeeding newborns (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had a hysterectomy (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had both ovaries removed (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever taken birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women taking birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used Depo-Provera or injectables (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used female hormones (%)
Sexual Behavior - People 18+ that ever had sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had anal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had any sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had anal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had any kind of sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first had sex
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female vaginal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a woman (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of woman performed oral sex on in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male anal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a man (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male oral sex partners in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - People using protection when performing oral sex (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of times people have vaginal or anal sex a year
Sexual Behavior - People having sex without condom (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male vaginal sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Circumcised males 18+ (%)
Sleep Disorders - Average hours sleeping at night
Sleep Disorders - People that has trouble sleeping (%)
Smoking-Cigarette Use - People smoking cigarettes (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with smell (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with taste (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had wisdom teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had tonsils teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a loss of consciousness because of a head injury (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a broken nose or other serious injury to face or skull (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had two or more sinus infections (%)
Weight - Average height (inches)
Weight - Average weight (pounds)
Weight - Average BMI
Weight - People that are obese (%)
Weight - People that ever were obese (%)
Weight - People trying to lose weight (%)
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