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When my grandfather came to the US, he put his ancestral roots completely behind him. First of all, he was very grateful to this country for providing him with the opportunity to be something other than a landless peasant. He never spoke of his home in Galicia, Austria-Hungary, so I don't know if he was disgusted with his old home, or was just so enthusiastic about his new home. However, given the verve with which our family celebrated the 4th of July, I suspect he was more motivated by his adoration for his new country.
My grandmother was from Austria and didn't hide it, though she didn't promote it. Imagine her difficulty during WWII, and Austria's association with that mustache guy.
How to handle this work colleague, I don't know. Some of the responses above have been helpful. Choose among them.
What I hope for more, is that you can reconnect with your masseuse and rebuild that bridge. It might do her a lot of good to know that there are many people who originally hailed from Russia who understand the truth. Note that I didn't say Russians, because you are not Russian anymore, just as my grandfather was no longer Polish.
When my grandfather came to the US, he put his ancestral roots completely behind him. First of all, he was very grateful to this country for providing him with the opportunity to be something other than a landless peasant. He never spoke of his home in Galicia, Austria-Hungary, so I don't know if he was disgusted with his old home, or was just so enthusiastic about his new home. However, given the verve with which our family celebrated the 4th of July, I suspect he was more motivated by his adoration for his new country.
My grandmother was from Austria and didn't hide it, though she didn't promote it. Imagine her difficulty during WWII, and Austria's association with that mustache guy.
How to handle this work colleague, I don't know. Some of the responses above have been helpful. Choose among them.
What I hope for more, is that you can reconnect with your masseuse and rebuild that bridge. It might do her a lot of good to know that there are many people who originally hailed from Russia who understand the truth. Note that I didn't say Russians, because you are not Russian anymore, just as my grandfather was no longer Polish.
You have my best wishes.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You nailed it. I guess I am in the position of your grandmother, currently. No one is harassing me here. But, like your grandmother probably had, I have some complicated feelings inside.
To your first point: IT companies nowadays consist of people originating from all continents, and everyone understands that some topics could be a clumsy stepping on someone's red line (being culturally deaf), therefore people are smart enough to stay off these types of topics. I have no problems company-wise.
The second point: "anything personal". This is where we will start splitting hairs. Nope, I don't share my personal life (unless I develop a friendship, as I did with another person, not the Russian one).
But!!!!!! Say, if a Dutch person suddenly meets a Dutch person in a US company. Or a Senegalese meets another Senegalese in a company. What happens between them, then? The intimate knowledge of their common heritage will most likely result in some touchpoints on different occasions that are significant to the Dutch or to the Senegalese, to the oblivion of the rest of the company. One congratulates the other with an obscure something that only they know about. Could you say, in this case, that "they are discussing something personal at work?" I don't think that it strictly falls under that definition. They may still not know each other's families and hobbies, personal trials and tribulations.
The problem is that one of the Dutch or one of the Senegalese is acutely against the deeds that their country is doing, and the other is apparently either oblivious, or - worse - happy with their country doing these deeds.
it doesn't matter for me if someone agrees with me or not, is cordial or not, i still don't discuss politics, current events, sex, or religion with anyone in the work place. period. for me it is good boundaries and keeps things clear and simple and professional and without the complications discussed in this thread.
i also don't share any personal information about myself with anyone in the work place. it simply is not anyone's business, and it has only ever led to problems, based on my decades of experience in the work place.
for instance if there is a potluck where we are asked to bring a food item from our culture, then yes i will do that. But when people start asking personal questions, I draw the line and keep it generic. "It is a traditional dish served on this holiday" "yes here is the recipe" but NO I am not going to discuss theology, and no I am not going to discuss what led to my mother immigrating to this country, and no i will not discuss the state of world affairs in this or that country.
even questions "what are you doing this weekend" "what are you doing over the holiday" those are asked by co-workers as a nicety, but i give a generic answer "Lots of relaxation" "Enjoying my day off" "Taking it easy." I will not discuss my personal life at work. For me that is good boundaries: clean, clear, without messiness.
it doesn't matter if someone agrees with me or not, i still don't discuss politics, current events, sex, or religion with anyone in the work place. period. for me it is good boundaries and keeps things clear and simple and professional and without the complications discussed in this thread.
i also don't share any personal information about myself with anyone in the work place. it simply is not anyone's business, and it has only ever led to problems, based on my decades of experience in the work place.
I don't think you are getting it.
If I say to you: "Merry Christmas!" - are you saying your response will be "It is not your business" - ?
Canada celebrates multi-culturalism. No one takes exception to others celebrating "Happy Hanukkah, Happy Dwivali, Happy Easter, Happy Nowruz, Happy Muharram, Happy Ramadan, Hapy Seollal, ... ."
Evil men do grow old. That will not affect me on how I view and treat my fellow human beings, with mutual respect and tolerance.
If I say to you: "Merry Christmas!" - are you saying your response will be "It is not your business" - ?
That response is an answer to a direct question. The person wishing you a Merry Christmas wasn't asking you anything or wanting a discussion about anything. Though I'm not Tzaphkiel I suspect their reply would be something less definitive such as "Have a good holiday!". It expresses benevolence without being specific to the observance or taking a personal position.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-01-2023 at 03:28 PM..
If I say to you: "Merry Christmas!" - are you saying your response will be "It is not your business" - ?
my generic response is a smile and "Enjoy the Holidays!" From about mid November to mid February "Enjoy the winter Holidays" covers everything and is cordial and inclusive.
Without bringing mention of anyone's religion into the workplace.
Some responses clearly show that people don't get it. It's fine, I am not going to reformulate or allegorize again and again.
If so inclined, re-read my posts #1 and #30, this time c.a.r.e.f.u.l.l.y
Then re-read the post of kettlepot #31 who gets it. Their German/Austrian grandparent lived in USA during Hitler's atrocities... Meeting another German, in USA, ruddy from beer and sausages, happily exclaiming something like "Happy Oktoberfest!", dancing Bavarian dances.... wouldn't sit well neither with their grandmother, nor probably with the rest of Americans who were busy producing ammunition for the war. Would she say to him "Have a good holiday!" ?
--- just think, please, before thinking that you could help. You do have some gray matter.
The problem is that one of the Dutch or one of the Senegalese is acutely against the deeds that their country is doing, and the other is apparently either oblivious, or - worse - happy with their country doing these deeds.
The holidays don't really for the most part have anything to do with what the country is doing. I'm pretty sure Ukrainian Orthodox Christmas (celebrated by 2/3 of the people) is in January too. May 1st is not just a holiday in Russia, it's a holiday in Ukraine and many European countries as well.
I don't know what Happy Christmas - regardless of which day it is celebrated on - has to do with Russia's actions in Ukraine. Christmas was there before the communists, before Yeltsin, before Putin and it will be there long after Putin is dead.
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That response is an answer to a direct question. The person wishing you a Merry Christmas wasn't asking you anything or wanting a discussion about anything. Though I'm not Tzaphkiel I suspect their reply would be something less definitive such as "Have a good holiday!". It expresses benevolence without being specific to the observance or taking a personal position.