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OP, I am Ukrainian-Canadian (2nd gen Canadian). In the old country, my cousins are living in basements with no power, heat or water, but I don't hate the common Russians for it. It's all on Putin, the terrorist.
Russian people are beautiful in their own way and incredibly resourceful. Along with Ukraine, they need to be liberated from Putin too and live the good lives they have long been denied.
Kindly don't divide your kids from their heritage. It's sad that you are so upset because you are Russian. My mother used to hide the fact she was Ukrainian and that's in Canada in the mid 20th century.They were thought of as less than the Indians in the very early settler days in the Canadian Prairies.
Try putting a Ukrainian flag patch on the shoulders of your coat. Maybe it will help you avoid conflict.
What I am hearing from you is that besides both of you originating from the same country. You are at opposite sides of your political views and he still wants to embrace his roots and you don't.
In 2020 when the campaigning for a new President was going on I quickly found out one of my favorite colleagues was on the opposite side of my political views A few times I let it go when he would joke about my candidate. One day he went too far--I told him bluntly we are not going to discuss politics ever again. And that was the end of it. It made me feel uncomfortable telling him, but it had to be done. We are good now.
Sometimes you just have to be blunt.
Good luck.
(P.S. I think it is difficult to be from Russia in these times. I hope you are surrounded by more people who accept you as a Canadian and as a wonderful person. Stand tall and show people the good person you are.)
Yes you should be more direct with this poor guy (your responses to him seemed vague).
But that's a bandaid. Curious how a masseuse and a remote colleague know that you're Russian? Your husband is Canadian so I assume you took his last name? You have not connected to local expat communities in the 25 years you've been in Canada. Is your first name clearly identifiable as Russian? Maybe you should consider legally changing it as this will continue to be a trigger.
at work, if people i work with want to talk about anything related to politics or current events, i just look busy or say "gotta get this report done, bye" and leave the conversation.
if it is a client or customer or patient who wants to talk politics or current events, i smile and nod and say, "As an employee, we are not permitted to discuss politics" (which is the truth where i work) and "Let me follow up on printing your list of appointments" changing the topic back to serving their needs.
at work if anyone wants to discuss anything remotely non-work related, and especially if it is about my own personal choices, family, or history, it is none of their business. there is wisdom in the old saying "never discuss politics, sex, religion, or current events" at work they are too volatile.
people constantly wish me happy _______ this or that holiday which i do not celebrate. At work my generic statement is "Enjoy the winter holidays" or "it is great to get the time off from work!" keeping it generic.
i have to work with these people and i have to rely on courtesy in the work place so that work projects do not suffer and so that my own performance rating does not suffer. but i absolutely will not discuss anything personal with people at work, it is none of their business.
OP, not to be picky, but...since when is Russian (Orthodox) Christmas celebrated on Jan 13? Why the 13th? Here in the US, it's always been on January 7. You can go to the churches and see. I assume it's the same Canada....?
Pre-Fall of the Berlin Wall, Soviet Christmas was on New Year's Eve. My Russian Friends' still celebrate Christmas on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day is their New Year's Celebration - both holidays are condensed into two days.
Instead of Santa - "the Snowmaiden is, in modern Russian tradition, the granddaughter of Grandfather Frost. She helps Grandfather Frost bring gifts to the children at Russian Christmas." A friend teaches school and one year, she dressed up like the Snowmaiden.
When I lived in NYC, I had a German neighbor. She was so upset with Nazi politics, she immigrated to the US a year before WWII began. She came alone, barely an adult, and without a cent to her name. She was a wonderful grandmother-type figure to my kids. Well, my Polish father was upset that my German neighbor and I were friends. Like at this point, WWII had been over for exactly 50 years.
I think some people will always judge immigrants by their country of origin. For many people, you'll aways be that Russian immigrant. Other people will judge immigrants on their own merits. It's just part of you - whether or not you want it to be.
In Brooklyn, I know the Russian, Ukrainian and Serbian immigrants live in the same neighborhood without issues. Makes sense because they share so much culture in common. Genealogy is a popular hobby especially in US & Canada where most people are from somewhere else.
Appreciate those people who answered the problem stated in my OP, and did not start teaching me about my native traditions, Grandfather Frost for example (don't you think I know these traditions better than you? getting the gifts from Grandfather Frost as a child in USSR?).
I came here to discuss just the problem with a colleague with whom we are not just on the opposite sides of a political divide, but on the opposite sides of a divide that has a mortal side to it.
Perhaps I over-shared the information in the OP. Perhaps I could just have said "I have a problem with a colleague who is blind/deaf to my sensitivity to celebrating Russian holidays or getting excited about Russian-related anything in which I have no interest", could have gotten a nudge towards "speaking to him more directly" (which I know I have to do anyway), and that would be it.
But since my rambling OP generated some questions, I will answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
Curious how a masseuse and a remote colleague know that you're Russian? Your husband is Canadian so I assume you took his last name? You have not connected to local expat communities in the 25 years you've been in Canada. Is your first name clearly identifiable as Russian? Maybe you should consider legally changing it as this will continue to be a trigger.
I have a Russian name and a Russian second name:
The patronymic (otchestvo) part of a Russian person's name is derived from the father's first name and usually serves as a middle name for Russians.
Besides, when you book a massage with a masseuse with a name Olena (for example) and you give your name (Svetlana for example) on the booking, we immediately know that we would be jumping from language to language when speaking. She is from Kharkiv originally (the majority speaks Russian in there). In the first months of the war when her city was bombed (her family and her neighbours), she immediately developed disgust for anything Russian and I understand her.
As for changing the name.... I am OK with it, too much bother bureaucracy-wise, and my kids have Russian names either as the first or the second name.
OP, I am Ukrainian-Canadian (2nd gen Canadian). In the old country, my cousins are living in basements with no power, heat or water, but I don't hate the common Russians for it. It's all on Putin, the terrorist.
Russian people are beautiful in their own way and incredibly resourceful. Along with Ukraine, they need to be liberated from Putin too and live the good lives they have long been denied.
Kindly don't divide your kids from their heritage. It's sad that you are so upset because you are Russian. My mother used to hide the fact she was Ukrainian and that's in Canada in the mid 20th century.They were thought of as less than the Indians in the very early settler days in the Canadian Prairies.
Try putting a Ukrainian flag patch on the shoulders of your coat. Maybe it will help you avoid conflict.
The bolded. I don't know if you can still understand Ukrainian or Russian. If you did... you would seek the direct channels, not softened by the hopeful "but the Russian people are beautiful". Those who get in direct contact with Russians, understand that only about 1/4 of the population is still capable of some critical thinking. Decades of propaganda - and poverty as a tool of control - has done its deed. The picture is not as pretty as you think it to be. The soul of the country is dark, rotten and downtrodden. The West waits for the Russians to revolt against the dictatorship. This could only happen when the downtrodden reach the end of their rope, and it is still а long time to wait.... and then it will be in a drunken bloody chaos as usual.
Don't worry about my children. I do tell them about my life, and more than that, - I cannot escape my own Russian traits/mannerisms/reactions so they in turn couldn't escape that growing up with me...
Appreciate those people who answered the problem stated in my OP, and did not start teaching me about my native traditions, Grandfather Frost for example (don't you think I know these traditions better than you? getting the gifts from Grandfather Frost as a child in USSR?).
I think it's fine to tell the colleague you don't want to discuss Russia, the war or Russian or Ukrainian politics. One should avoid political conversations with colleagues in general regardless anyway.
But it seems poor form to take offense to him congratulating you to your ancestral holidays. Even if you don't celebrate them, it's obviously coming from a benevolent place and should be taken in good grace.
at work, if people i work with want to talk about anything related to politics or current events, i just look busy or say "gotta get this report done, bye" and leave the conversation.
....
but i absolutely will not discuss anything personal with people at work, it is none of their business.
To your first point: IT companies nowadays consist of people originating from all continents, and everyone understands that some topics could be a clumsy stepping on someone's red line (being culturally deaf), therefore people are smart enough to stay off these types of topics. I have no problems company-wise.
The second point: "anything personal". This is where we will start splitting hairs. Nope, I don't share my personal life (unless I develop a friendship, as I did with another person, not the Russian one).
But!!!!!! Say, if a Dutch person suddenly meets a Dutch person in a US company. Or a Senegalese meets another Senegalese in a company. What happens between them, then? The intimate knowledge of their common heritage will most likely result in some touchpoints on different occasions that are significant to the Dutch or to the Senegalese, to the oblivion of the rest of the company. One congratulates the other with an obscure something that only they know about. Could you say, in this case, that "they are discussing something personal at work?" I don't think that it strictly falls under that definition. They may still not know each other's families and hobbies, personal trials and tribulations.
The problem is that one of the Dutch or one of the Senegalese is acutely against the deeds that their country is doing, and the other is apparently either oblivious, or - worse - happy with their country doing these deeds.
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A few times I let it go when he would joke about my candidate. One day he went too far--I told him bluntly we are not going to discuss politics ever again. And that was the end of it. It made me feel uncomfortable telling him, but it had to be done. We are good now. 
