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No, I've seen people who want to insist on a written thank you, that an email or text isn't enough of an acknowledgement, or that a verbal thank you doesn't count . That's their right, but I think they should at least make it known to the recipient that is what they want and expect, 'or else'
I guess that could be a choice on the RSVP card:
How would you like to be thanked for your generous gift?
• Handwritten note delivered first class by USPS
• Handwritten note by hired calligrapher
• Handwritten calligraphed note delivered by courier in top hat and tails on silver plate
• Carrier pigeon would be cool
• Email is acceptable :::sniff:::
• Generated by computer on quality laser printer is "okay" but I will resent it
• Personal phone call at the time of my choosing [TWTh between 7 and 8 pm only]
• Personal visit to doorstep by bride and groom in full regalia
• Your choice. I reserve the right to post on C-D if I am displeased
• No problem, I'm good
How would you like to be thanked for your generous gift?
• Handwritten note delivered first class by USPS
• Handwritten note by hired calligrapher
• Handwritten calligraphed note delivered by courier in top hat and tails on silver plate
• Carrier pigeon would be cool
• Email is acceptable :::sniff:::
• Generated by computer on quality laser printer is "okay" but I will resent it
• Personal phone call at the time of my choosing [TWTh between 7 and 8 pm only]
• Personal visit to doorstep by bride and groom in full regalia
• Your choice. I reserve the right to post on C-D if I am displeased
• No problem, I'm good
Carrier pigeon is so last century! These days it's done by wrong. You left out "drone".
For some reason, you give the impression that a recipient is from Mars or just plain dense when it comes to common courtesy. Why does the recipient need to be schooled by the sender? If a person cannot say "thank you" after receiving a gift, then I would not send any in the future. Their lack of recognizing generosity would indicate to me that it is expected/required.
For some reason some people don't seem to see the distinction between a casual thank you and a more formal acknowledgement, or that there are differences of what is commonly considered acceptable any more.
Sorry, but I know there are still people around who refuse to accept anything less than a handwritten thank you note as being 'proper', they are more than willing to decide that anything less is rude, ungrateful, discourteous, and reason enough to stop sending further gifts. Which is not very generous if they can't even be bothered to ascertain whether the recipient is even aware of their more formal and somewhat outdated requirements as to what they consider a 'proper' thank you.
Its time for his wedding; I won’t attend because I don’t live near them. However, when he graduated from college last year I sent him $200 which he never acknowledged.
Sooo........I’m pondering if I will send a wedding gift. Would you?
No, I wouldn't. But I also wouldn't spend $200 on a graduation gift. My limit is $100, that's just me. I wouldn't give anything to a stepchild of a stepchild. There's no relation there to speak of, unless you had some personal relationship with him? Sounds like there is no connection there.
Is it possible he sent a thank you card but it didn't get to you? Or a thank you email that went into a spam folder?
But it's probably not going to matter to him. What would he say? Probably nothing. Just send a card saying "congratulations" and that's it.
For some reason some people don't seem to see the distinction between a casual thank you and a more formal acknowledgement, or that there are differences of what is commonly considered acceptable any more.
Sorry, but I know there are still people around who refuse to accept anything less than a handwritten thank you note as being 'proper', they are more than willing to decide that anything less is rude, ungrateful, discourteous, and reason enough to stop sending further gifts. Which is not very generous if they can't even be bothered to ascertain whether the recipient is even aware of their more formal and somewhat outdated requirements as to what they consider a 'proper' thank you.
Well the OP wasn't talking about a handwritten thank you note, and while you may know a few who are sticklers for that, most people(and I think most posting on here) just want a thank you. Could be a phone call, email, etc.
And honestly I can't imagine anyone saying "in case you don't know it is proper etiquette to send me a hand written thank you note".
The issue is no mention at all of thanking the person for the gift/check.
For some reason some people don't seem to see the distinction between a casual thank you and a more formal acknowledgement, or that there are differences of what is commonly considered acceptable any more.
Sorry, but I know there are still people around who refuse to accept anything less than a handwritten thank you note as being 'proper', they are more than willing to decide that anything less is rude, ungrateful, discourteous, and reason enough to stop sending further gifts. Which is not very generous if they can't even be bothered to ascertain whether the recipient is even aware of their more formal and somewhat outdated requirements as to what they consider a 'proper' thank you.
I would have been happy with a “thank you” written over the endorsement on the back of the check; or an email or text even. S.O.M.E.T.H.I.N.G.
Well the OP wasn't talking about a handwritten thank you note, and while you may know a few who are sticklers for that, most people(and I think most posting on here) just want a thank you. Could be a phone call, email, etc.
And honestly I can't imagine anyone saying "in case you don't know it is proper etiquette to send me a hand written thank you note".
The issue is no mention at all of thanking the person for the gift/check.
I was thinking more along the lines of "I know it's old fashioned of me, but I would really appreciate if you would send me a note letting me know you received my gifts. I worry they might get lost in the mail"
The issue to some might be not receiving a thank you at all, but for others it seems very much the manner of expressing the thank you. To me that is more of a communication problem than an etiquette problem and I think it's not worth getting in a tizzy over without at least making your expectations known first.
Me, I’d find their registry, purchase a token item from it, and call it a day. Even if it’s not recognized with an official thank you, at least you did the right thing.
I'd just see how the wedding festivities develop. Stay in touch. You aren't going, but you can chat with her by email to ask how fancy the wedding will be and how many guests. If she doesn't respond back in a sincere and friendly manner, then mailing her a card and token gift ($25 gift care to Williams Sonoma or Crate & Barrel) is all that is necessary. And you have a year after the wedding to send them a gift.
So many couples are having small casual weddings these days. Sometimes they are at parks with just a food truck providing the food. And if her wedding is that small, then the gift can be small also.
I once had a friend tell me that her formula for a wedding present (cash) is that it was the value of how much her seats (with her husband) at the wedding reception and dinner costs (in her estimation).
When is the wedding?
We had a friend tell us the same once, at his own wedding after we had given him what was an expensive gift for us at the time. But since we didn’t get to eat our dinner because some of his other friends showed up unannounced and took our seats (and our food!), we didn’t feel so bad!
OP, I wouldn't. I'm tired of the offspring of my generation ignoring social niceties. I've received lovely notes from parents for any number of small things, and I know for a fact that their kids grew up writing thank you notes. But somewhere along the line they got the message that it was ok to forgo them. I think it's time to take a stand. My grandson is only 5, but I no longer send gifts for anything except his birthday. Even that isn't acknowledged. His father, my son, wrote thank yous throughout his entire life, until his wedding to a southern debutante who must have skipped a few lessons.
Yes, gifts are supposed to be freely given. But thank yous are still expected. It's kindergarten 101.
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