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I received a “save the date” card in the mail, sent from bride to be.
I'd just see how the wedding festivities develop. Stay in touch. You aren't going, but you can chat with her by email to ask how fancy the wedding will be and how many guests. If she doesn't respond back in a sincere and friendly manner, then mailing her a card and token gift ($25 gift care to Williams Sonoma or Crate & Barrel) is all that is necessary. And you have a year after the wedding to send them a gift.
So many couples are having small casual weddings these days. Sometimes they are at parks with just a food truck providing the food. And if her wedding is that small, then the gift can be small also.
I once had a friend tell me that her formula for a wedding present (cash) is that it was the value of how much her seats (with her husband) at the wedding reception and dinner costs (in her estimation).
Donor is an interesting choice of words. I don't consider myself a "donor" when I'm giving a gift.
It's not hard to fire off an email. Doesn't change that it's gone by the wayside and I've stopped expecting. By doing so, I save myself disappointment. YMMV
The meaning of "donor" is "one who gives". It is not exclusive to donating to charities or causes. I used it, because it was more efficient than saying "gift givers", which seemed kind of clumsy. Webster's dictionary, on "donor":
Definition of donor
1 : one that gives, donates, or presents something
Thanking people by email, phone, text, or in person has not gone by the wayside. There are definitely people who do that. Hand-written notes, granted, are rarities almost befitting a museum exhibit, , but a quickie email has become a relatively popular substitute for people still concerned about courtesy and gratitude. But who knows; maybe those people will end up in museum exhibits, themselves, someday in the not-too-distand future.
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How much of a 'gift' is it if there are strings attached though? Even if the string is just an 'expectation', read 'demand' for an acknowledgement or thank you. If you have the attitude of 'no acknowledgement, no more gifts' are you really giving from the heart? I guess I'm more the kind of person that would come out with a comment along the lines of "I hope you like the gift I sent you, I picked it out because I thought you would find it useful", or "the color matched your eyes" or whatever, rather than just stewing about it and getting bent out of shape.
I'd just see how the wedding festivities develop. Stay in touch. You aren't going, but you can chat with her by email to ask how fancy the wedding will be and how many guests. If she doesn't respond back in a sincere and friendly manner, then mailing her a card and token gift ($25 gift care to Williams Sonoma or Crate & Barrel) is all that is necessary. And you have a year after the wedding to send them a gift.
So many couples are having small casual weddings these days. Sometimes they are at parks with just a food truck providing the food. And if her wedding is that small, then the gift can be small also.
I once had a friend tell me that her formula for a wedding present (cash) is that it was the value of how much her seats (with her husband) at the wedding reception and dinner costs (in her estimation).
When is the wedding?
I was just going to say pretty similar when I read that it was the bride that sent you the save the date. See if you can have any even rudimentary conversation. However, for me it would have to develop nicely for me to spend much money.
How much of a 'gift' is it if there are strings attached though? Even if the string is just an 'expectation', read 'demand' for an acknowledgement or thank you. If you have the attitude of 'no acknowledgement, no more gifts' are you really giving from the heart? I guess I'm more the kind of person that would come out with a comment along the lines of "I hope you like the gift I sent you, I picked it out because I thought you would find it useful", or "the color matched your eyes" or whatever, rather than just stewing about it and getting bent out of shape.
This question about whether people should get miffed when they don't receive an acknowledgement for a gift given, has come up before on this forum. One the one hand, the point that one should give without expectations, and out of warm and fuzzy feelings for the gift, has merit. But I think the people who get offended at the lack of a thank-you aren't just being sticklers for courtesy. For many such people, it boils down to feeling taken for granted after years of sending b-day and other special-occasion gifts. I think that's a not unreasonable reaction, too. I think this can be debated endlessly. Maybe the more realistic way to deal with it is to simply shrug, go with the flow, and say "Oh well". Times change. IDK.
How about this. Instead of even directing much thought to the son and his wedding, how about focusing on continuing your relationship with your step daughter.... and the boy is just like a friend's son. How about a gift certificate to the busy and sometimes overlooked mother of the groom to someplace in your step daughter's area for a treat for HER as mother of the groom. Something to relax, feel special, use for the wedding.A beauty salon mani/pedi, for example.
I received a “save the date” card in the mail, sent from bride to be.
Then you’ll receive a wedding invitation. If it was me I’d send a gift even if I couldn’t attend. It’s usually pretty easy to find something off their registry that’s $25 or less. Small price to pay for family harmony.
I also think that if you don't end up sending a gift, it's really no big deal. You aren't going to be their guest at the wedding, you aren't close emotionally or geographically.
And I don't think that they expect you to give then anything significant. Your lack of a gift may not even be missed since you aren't that close to her as a family member.
So do whatever you feel like doing and don't feel guilty about your decision. And that $200 college graduation present was overly generous, so no wedding present makes it a wash.
Then you’ll receive a wedding invitation. If it was me I’d send a gift even if I couldn’t attend. It’s usually pretty easy to find something off their registry that’s $25 or less. Small price to pay for family harmony.
this sounds like a good solution. If I send a card they may wonder if I’d forgotten to include the check. If I send nothing they may be concerned their invitation was not received. I will be sending his younger sister a significant monetary gift on either her college graduation or wedding “in memory of her grandfather” because she was just born when my late husband passed away and it was a very joyful occasion for him in an otherwise dreadfully bleak year of chemo and hospice.
I once had a friend tell me that her formula for a wedding present (cash) is that it was the value of how much her seats (with her husband) at the wedding reception and dinner costs (in her estimation).
I've never understood this way of thinking. The gift isn't a cover charge to attend the wedding, it is to congratulate the couple on their new life together. Why should it matter that I chose not to blow my entire life savings on a party? Your gift should be based on the relationship you have with the bride/groom, not how much money they have to spend on their wedding.
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