Being bullied for being single and childless (relatives, retired, jealous)
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Killing with kindness? No, nasty people don't understand that language. This bully is not worth giving flattering remarks to. That's just way off base.
You must be a real pleasure to work with. We haven't seen anything like "bullying" here. At best, it's slightly rude. Do you attack everyone who says something to you that you don't especially care for? It is very difficult and unpleasant to work with people who always assume the worst and read hostile intention into every comment, no matter how innocuous it seems to the commenter.
Killing with kindness? No, nasty people don't understand that language. This bully is not worth giving flattering remarks to. That's just way off base.
Generally in these situations, the "flattering remarks" are not for the benefit of the "nasty people." They are best delivered in the presence of an audience who has heard the nasty person's provocative remarks. The goal is to gain credibility among one's peers as the better person.
Responding with "compassion" for the nasty person makes the nasty person look small and powerless, which annoys the nasty person, and it is to be assumed that that annoyance will lead to the end of the provocative remarks. It can backfire, though, if the nasty person is particularly volatile and has anger management issues. Nasty people do not like being made to look small and powerless.
It might be much better simply to brush off the remarks as though they are completely insignificant and refuse to be drawn into an argument, especially in this case where it seems the cultural norm is to engage in some sort of confrontation, even a physical altercation, which is simply mind-boggling given the venue.
Regardless of what other posters have said OP, I think you are within your rights to:
1) First tell her to leave you alone, put this in writing if you can (in the form of an email) that way you have proof that you have asked her to stop harassing you.
2) If she doesn't stop, talk to the Dean. If a male student were to say the same things she has "you just need a husband", he'd be accused of sexual harassment and/or gender discrimination and possibly even be kicked out of school.
When I was 25 I worked in a secretarial pool with a group of women who were all single moms. All of them had gotten pregnant as teenagers, some got married but all of them wound up single. They were struggling to survive on a low income. They knew I wasn't encumbered the same way they were, as I wasn't a poor, struggling single mom like they were. To say they hated me is an understatement. They were jealous because they knew they had screwed up their lives. They were always chasing a baby daddy for money, if they even knew who the daddy was. They'd also gripe about how their husbands walked out on them, but it was obvious why the men had left.
Sorry but implying that I look old and that I need to hurry up and get married before its too late is not what I call 'harmless teasing'. It's really disrespectful and unprofessional and I don't think that I am being immature for wanting to report it. It's not acceptable at all
You are 25 years old, and you want to report to the dean of your nursing school (i.e., "tell the teacher") that someone is making annoying remarks to you. That's immature. Woman-up and tell her to **** (insert profane abbreviation here), and move on.
I think all the suggestions like this - to fire back and hurt her back - are incredibly foolish and immature. That will only escalate the hurt feelings and bad vibes. Possibly the other person didn't intend to be hurtful at all. Honest communication would be a much more effective and mature tactic, and is not likely to result in some dramatic cat-fight as all of you so gleefully seem to want the OP to get into.
I've always worked in male-dominated engineering/product development companies. If somebody pulls this stuff, you give them the straight, logical response and don't pull your punches. Nobody cares about anyone's delicate feelings. They care about getting the job done. On time. With high quality. This touchy-feely stuff is what creates totally dysfunctional organizations.
What can possibly be more honest that communicating that the proper sequence for life is education, then career, then meet someone with education + career, then think about kids. This is a room full of people who ignored this at their peril.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Whatever you do, don't get into a physical fight with another individual in a work/school setting.
I don't know what community you grew up in, but respectable adults don't do that. Ever. Ever. Some slap fest/hair pulling contest between nurses about who-called-who-old will land you both without a nursing certificate and a job. Really, as well it should. I can't even imagine two nurses getting into a physical altercation with each other over perceived disrespect.
If this is considered bullying or even "unacceptable" ... it does not bode well for the potential emotional state that could be induced when transitioning from school into the workplace.
I graduated from nursing school with my RN in 1992, in the middle of a divorce with small children. During my years in the workplace, I have worked with single women in their 20's & single (never-married) women their 60's. I have worked with married moms, single moms, widowed moms & divorced moms.
I have worked with nurses who were cheating on their husbands with doctors & nurses who were cheating on their husbands with the guy that delivered meal trays from Dietary. I have worked with gay nurses, bi-nurses & nurses who were nuns.
I have worked with nurses whose husbands were deployed in Afghanistan & nurses whose husbands were incarcerated in prison. There were nurses who desperately wanted to be married, nurses who desperately wanted a divorce & a nurse who had been single until she was 55 years old, met a guy on an online dating site & was soon sending us postcards from her honeymoon.
I have had doctors trying to set me up with their sons, a patients mother trying to set me up with his brother & a patient who was a WWII veteran who wanted to set himself up with me!
One patient's wealthy father, who was a Jeweler from Egypt, once returned to my floor with jewelry to try to entice me to become engaged to his son ... & he brought necklaces for every nurse who worked on that unit!
When I was single, everybody wanted to know "Why haven't you found somebody to get married to?". When I was dating, everyone said: "Why would you date him instead of Dr. so&so?" When I got married everyone said, "Are you sure that's what you really want to do?" & when I got pregnant; everyone said "Again? You're an RN; don't you know what causes that?"
I have been lectured by stern women in their 90's on why I should be married in one patient's room & been lectured by another stern elderly lady in the next room as to why I should never get married. Once, while still in nursing school, my clinical instructor who was a retired Army nurse, yelled at me by saying "How do you expect to ever work as a nurse with all those kids?!"
And once, a few years after I graduated, I was lectured by a nun who said "You know; it wasn't that long ago that only single, young women were allowed to enroll in nursing school!"
So ... if anyone going into nursing is going to pick a fight over a small, inconsequential comment like "When are you going to get married?" You need to invest in a mouth guard & a pair of gloves OR learn how to nod, smile & then do it your way, anyway.
Cochristi, you should write a book! This is gold! lol
If asking her nicely to stop doesn’t work, tell her that you appreciate her interest in your life, but that getting married and having children would interfere with your plans to become a crazy cat lady. You can then solicit her opinion as to the optimum number and kinds of cats you should have. I would rinse and repeat with something outlandish every time she pulls this stuff.
I think all the suggestions like this - to fire back and hurt her back - are incredibly foolish and immature. That will only escalate the hurt feelings and bad vibes. Possibly the other person didn't intend to be hurtful at all. Honest communication would be a much more effective and mature tactic, and is not likely to result in some dramatic cat-fight as all of you so gleefully seem to want the OP to get into.
The point is to shut the other person up. They're not expecting someone to snap back at them. They're used to walking all over the OP. It's not about "hurting someone back". It's about drawing boundaries. With some people, a snappy comeback is the only language they'll understand. What it communicates, is a no-nonsense "Back off!"
I haven't read the entire thread but probably the best thing to do is to learn to stand up for yourself. Think of a good answer and stick to it. You do not go and tell on her--that is childish.
I knew someone who finally came up with a pretty good comeback after years of people asking her when she was going to get married. Finally she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm getting married the first." (huh?) "The first chance I get!"
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