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My parents help my brother a lot financially. Our father is getting up in his age. When he dies, my brother won't be getting all the luxuries he has now unless his narcissistic wife gets a job.
I'm surprised by some of the threads on here, that talk about parents who allow kids well into adulthood to drain their finances, their old-age nest egg. How can parents do that? I don't understand that; putting their financial future (what's left of it, if they're in their 80's or whatever) in jeopardy, to allow their kids, or one greedy kid, to mooch off them? What are they thinking?
Me either. My mom is 88 and spent ALL her considerable wealth paying for my brother and SIL so they didn't have to (horrors) work like the rest of us and could still live the life they perceived they deserved. Now she's down to SS only. Brother and SIL are also broke since their cash cow has dried up.
I tried for years to talk sense to my mom about why she needed to stop paying their way and her response was always "It's my money and I'll spend it however I want". I gave up since it always lead to drama and ugliness. When the money was gone, my mother came after me to try and get me to give her money so she could funnel it to my brother. Nope. Not ever happening. When I refused my brother and SIL started harassing me as well. I cut off contact with all of them. I hate it came to that, but I'm not willing to sign up for daily belittling and being called "greedy" for not letting them bleed me dry.
My SIL, has 4 kids.
respectful, but losers. they cant do a thing for themselves, mommy does everything, and forget thier father, king of the losers, completely useless, Ive never in my life ever seen any man like it.
her mother left them when she was little, so she has completely overcompensated for doing everything for them.
I once at a Bday party, I watched her making a bow of pasta for her 23 year old son, at 9pm (I dont say anything because it isnt my place), but I really wanted to say, if the boy is hungry, let him make it and clean it up himself.
then the oldest son moved to a urban area, and long story short racked up 4 thousand dollars in parking tickets.
I asked her, how did that happen, and she says he comes home late from work, and the neighborhood has alternate side of the street parking, 2 of the days. So what? so does mine and all the bououghs except staten island, I tried to explain to her so she could tell him how to avoid getting tickets.
When the alternate is in effect your allowed to double the car, and when its over pull it back.
but, you leave a note in your car dashboard with your phone number or address, or you stay awake in the house in case someone beeps, then you go out and move it.
This is standard procedure in NYC and the boroughs, you dont go back in the apartment and fall asleep.... then you forget it and then you get a ticket for double parking because the ASP is over.
Hello, 2 tickets, and one would think the boy would have of woken up.
Nope, they seized the car.....but my dumb SIL, says but he gets home so late and there isnt anywhere for him to park, so I explain the solution yet again, i said my sons do it, why cant yours, and againa, anotehr excuse, well your boys are used to the city, my sons only lives here 2 years... hello mommie dumbest...your teaching this loser no responsibilty in life.
please she makes me sick, she made every excuse in the book. but whos the loser now, the boys is 28, a wiater and no GF, no marriage plans in the future and no futiure for a job...
but I have the last laugh, all my sons are college graduates and have good jobs and good wifes / girlfriends, not like her loser daughter that got knocked up by some man of a different race that goes in and out of jail like i change my underware.
and her middle son has a gambling problem at 21...and to think, she has a husband to help her....
not to get into all my personal life, but i was a widower when my boys were 4, and i did this all myself....
so when i hear that parents pay for thier kids anythign when thier kids are over 18, and they should be working a part time job if they are in college, and a full time job if they arent. parent shouldnt be buying them anything
I raised my sons the same way my mother raised me, to be independent, and self responsible and never have to ask anyone for anything.
i see my nieces and nephews, and while I love them, i feel sorry for them, because both thier parent failed at being parents....and they have 4 losers to show for it. they are both failures, and iblam e the father more, shame on him.
so to answer the question, when your kids are older parents do them no favors by buying them presents all the thiem.
Kids need to know the value of a dollar, and then need to learn how to gout out and earn a dollar
and to all those people that say you cant take it with you, your right, you cant.
but its mine and your not getting it.
make you own money like a was taught to do.
i dont hate my mother, i thank her every day for making me the responsible adult that I am today, plus had the smarts to install that type ot mentality in my sons....
A Chinese woman I used to work with gives her adult son an allowance. I heard it was anywhere from $2400-$5k a month. She and her husband are very traditional, they work hard and everything they buy is with cash, not credit. They live very frugally. He's their only son and they figure that he's going to get all of their money and possessions eventually, so why not let him it enjoy some of it now?
These days, the cost of living is extremely high everywhere. And having a college degree is not an automatic path to a decent paying job. So I can see why parents might continue to help out their adult children with money. If parents have the extra funds, then why not? And they can see their kids having a better life while they are still around to see it.
My husband's dad, on the other hand, is all about spending his money on himself. He plans to coincide his death with the day his bank account is empty.
My parents help my brother a lot financially. Our father is getting up in his age. When he dies, my brother won't be getting all the luxuries he has now unless his narcissistic wife gets a job.
My Dad's wife spent every dime that he had, and then blamed him for being broke.
My Dad's wife spent every dime that he had, and then blamed him for being broke.
Why did your dad allow that? That's the part of these scenarios I don't understand. Didn't he (if not--they) have a savings strategy for retirement? Didn't they both realize that if the nest egg were spent down, they could end up without a home eventually, or without the health care they would need in old-old age? Why do parents or spouses allow a child or partner to spend their money down to nothing?
When it's not my money,it's not my business to advise adults where to invest. How they invest can be discussed...Or not.
My bio dad rarely paid child support...And any necessity us kids needed came with a lecture. His money went to his ego and the skirts he chased.
My senior year grad gift was a set of keys to a classic tbird. The card had a promissory note ...Of how much I was to pay him and the interest rate! He thought I should be elated that I was establishing a good credit line with him! Two days later I wrote him back,note paid in full,consider it back pay for all the years you didn't pay mom support but managed to buy yourself a house and a new Cadillac every two years. He said...He'd be over to get the car...In which I replied..Which officer will you want to meet when you arrive?
40 years later at the funeral for him...Turns out the tbird was won on a hustle scheme. He hadn't paid a dime for it,but wanted to milk it for cash from his flesh and blood. He was ruthless. He did teach me though...How to be responsible...Because he certainly wasn't!
Why did your dad allow that? That's the part of these scenarios I don't understand. Didn't he (if not--they) have a savings strategy for retirement? Didn't they both realize that if the nest egg were spent down, they could end up without a home eventually, or without the health care they would need in old-old age? Why do parents or spouses allow a child or partner to spend their money down to nothing?
I think he allowed it because he needed her to love him. He cashed in his company stock years ago and spent it all on his new wife and her adult children, to give them nice things and pay for their lavish weddings. So his retirement funds are all gone and neither one have a job. They get help from relatives but that may not last long.
They don't have a home anymore so they don't have to worry about losing their home. Because it's gone. And they can't afford rent at an apartment so that's gone too. Both moved in with other family members, my dad moved back in with his (very) elderly father.
I still live at home and am 32. If people want to judge that, it says more about them then me. I work as a nanny and am single. Am hoping to save up enough to buy a place of my own but until then I am not going to be made to feel like a loser for staying put. I do 90% of the cooking and never ask for cars or money from my parents.
Don't judge, it isn't always as black and white as it seems.
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