Not sure how to go to work...mean co-worker (person)
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I actually like the suggestion about going to Co-dependents Anonymous. My mom is mentally ill and my ex tried to force me into the role of his co-dependent. I'm weary of trying to figure out why people are so freakin dysfunctional they have to drag me into their pit.
Early a.m. epiphany...not only is coworker struggling with the lack of professional respect from her boss...she is just plain old fashioned jealous that the boss and I get along well personally and professionally. Plain. Old. Jealous.
What a big baby!!!!
Jealousy is what drove my former psycho coworker to bully me. It was totally irrational on her part but the type of person who acts this way is not rational.
I'm always disappointed when a manager would rather let employees fight it out instead of taking action. Your boss should be taking control here.
You said she's not your boss...so the next time she doesn't like the way you do something, tell her to talk to your boss about it because that's the way you were told to do it. Avoid her, smile when you see her, and never apoligize. When I first graduated & got my first office job, this lady I had to work with (who was not my boss) actually made me cry. My actuall boss pulled me into his office & told me "She's not your boss, don't let her do that to you!" Ever since then, I don't take crap from people. I will go right to a manager & let them take care of it. I had a crappy manager once who tried to tell me to deal with the person directly-I threatened to go to HR. Management took care of it from there.
You state that colleagues "must show common courtesy at a bare minimum" and yet in your next sentence, you demean the suggestion of a member of your online community......common courtesy in the workplace but not right here in your community?
Let's respectfully agree to disagree. No need to put others down to make your point.
I thought it was the worst advice on the thread and said so. I honestly believe there would be psychobabble in the meetings. I was really talking to the OP. I did not disparage your overall character, just strongly disagreed with that idea.. Once in awhile I make a blunt comment, but usually not and believe me, this is not even in the same ballpark as what I have occasionally received on the threads and what I have seen others receive as well. I did not mean to offend you.
I think the standards for in person contact and communication are much higher than here online and especially with people you know and work with.
I really have seen far worse and apologize that I did not state the opinion in a less blunt manner. I could have merely said "This is not good advice IMO. Do this other idea instead". That would have been fine, right?
No personal insult was intended. I was just having a passionate moment arguing the point and see worse than this frequently. Should have counted to 10. LOL.
Bottom line is we are just making educated guesses based on a summary of information. None of us has been in that office a minute, so maybe toning it down is not a bad idea. I still do not agree with that one piece of advice. I am sure you are a good person. We'll agree to disagree then.
I actually like the suggestion about going to Co-dependents Anonymous. My mom is mentally ill and my ex tried to force me into the role of his co-dependent. I'm weary of trying to figure out why people are so freakin dysfunctional they have to drag me into their pit.
There you go whitelotus. She agreed with your idea. Stagemomma, good luck with those meetings and whatever other decisions you and perhaps your co-workers make regarding this situation. The final decisions are yours and yours alone. Thanks for sharing.
Record it. Just put your phone recorder on and leave it at your desk or in your pocket or hand when you talk. Review them and if she tries to do another "meeting" just whip it out, play it for her to hear and watch her mouth drop.
In 38 of 50 states (all but 12 states) only ONE party has to know that the conversation is being recorded. Here are the twelve states that generally require permission from both parties (even then the law varies and may allow some exceptions to this general rule):
Quote:
All-party consent states[edit]
Twelve states currently require that all parties consent to the recording: California,[20] Connecticut,[21] Florida,[22] Hawaii (in general a one-party state, but requires two-party consent if the recording device is installed in a private place),[21] Illinois (debated, see next section), Maryland,[23] Massachusetts,[21] Montana[24] (requires notification only), Nevada,[21] New Hampshire,[25] Pennsylvania,[26] and Washington.[27] However, three of the above states that permission is given if any of the parties announces that they will be recording the call in a reasonable manner if the recording contains that announcement.
Since y'all seem to be into this, I'll keep going. Today the mediator came back and met with us individually again. She shared the list of needs with each of us. Mine was short: Say please and thank you and use an appropriate tone and 2) Make sure your 'frustration' with other issues is not being misdirected at me. and 3) I would like improved communication between me and coworker and manager.
Her list was long and was all about how i do my work...my job tasks....which is STILL not this coworkers job. she claimed that my work suffered when the manager isn't around: I make personal calls (I've had one personal call during work time in the past 2 months) I'm on Google Chat (I used that for the first time 3 weeks ago), we have no policies about either of those. I'm LOUD (???) and I"m always late when we are supposed to change work stations (yes, occasionally, I get distracted doing other things) And I don't communicate about my projects with her. (???) I called BS on most of that. None of it had to do with interpersonal communication. And other coworkers do all the same things without getting reprimanded. The mediator said: Oh, I keep forgetting she is not your supervisor.
Then we got in the room together and the mediator froze like a bunny rabbit and seemed to have no idea what to say next. Co worker stared at the ceiling.
I agreed that now that some of these work function issues had been brought to my attention (For the first time, mind you) I could definitely work on them and shared a few specifics on how I would do that. I said there is no way I did these things on her watch to be disrespectful and I was not aware that my performance was lacking on her watch but I would certainly take care in the future. And I said that sometimes I am flaky and forget things, particularly the process for tasks I've only done once or twice, and apologized (very sincerely!) if that caused inconvenience to others.
I set up an hourly chime on my cell phone and showed several coworkers that I would no longer be late for work station changes!
Mediator and Manager talked for a long time afterwards, but no idea what the outcome of that was.
Later I started thinking...if co-worker is only a beeotch when my manager isn't around why not change my schedule? I have to go to 6 weeks of PT and my daughter needs me to take her to gymnastics on Wednesdays, so it was really easy to ask the manager to make the changes and she was happy to oblige. It will cut my exposure time to coworker by 4 whole hours per week! I can cut back further if I need to, because I also have the option to work shifts at other locations. That will leave my location more shorthanded than it already is, but If co-worker isn't satisfied with my contributions, she can do without.
I've gone from feeling really sad about the whole sordid mess to being really ticked off that she has made my previously pleasant workplace into a place I don't want to be. She is covering her bad behavior with falsehoods and exaggerations in an attempt to cast me in a bad light, so there will be no forgiveness from me any time soon. Good thing I can act! I'll fake goodwill towards her if it kills me.
Thank you so much for letting me vent about this AND not telling me I"m crazy.
Since y'all seem to be into this, I'll keep going. Today the mediator came back and met with us individually again. She shared the list of needs with each of us. Mine was short: Say please and thank you and use an appropriate tone and 2) Make sure your 'frustration' with other issues is not being misdirected at me. and 3) I would like improved communication between me and coworker and manager.
Her list was long and was all about how i do my work...my job tasks....which is STILL not this coworkers job. she claimed that my work suffered when the manager isn't around: I make personal calls (I've had one personal call during work time in the past 2 months) I'm on Google Chat (I used that for the first time 3 weeks ago), we have no policies about either of those. I'm LOUD (???) and I"m always late when we are supposed to change work stations (yes, occasionally, I get distracted doing other things) And I don't communicate about my projects with her. (???) I called BS on most of that. None of it had to do with interpersonal communication. And other coworkers do all the same things without getting reprimanded. The mediator said: Oh, I keep forgetting she is not your supervisor.
Then we got in the room together and the mediator froze like a bunny rabbit and seemed to have no idea what to say next. Co worker stared at the ceiling.
I agreed that now that some of these work function issues had been brought to my attention (For the first time, mind you) I could definitely work on them and shared a few specifics on how I would do that. I said there is no way I did these things on her watch to be disrespectful and I was not aware that my performance was lacking on her watch but I would certainly take care in the future. And I said that sometimes I am flaky and forget things, particularly the process for tasks I've only done once or twice, and apologized (very sincerely!) if that caused inconvenience to others.
I set up an hourly chime on my cell phone and showed several coworkers that I would no longer be late for work station changes!
Mediator and Manager talked for a long time afterwards, but no idea what the outcome of that was.
Later I started thinking...if co-worker is only a beeotch when my manager isn't around why not change my schedule? I have to go to 6 weeks of PT and my daughter needs me to take her to gymnastics on Wednesdays, so it was really easy to ask the manager to make the changes and she was happy to oblige. It will cut my exposure time to coworker by 4 whole hours per week! I can cut back further if I need to, because I also have the option to work shifts at other locations. That will leave my location more shorthanded than it already is, but If co-worker isn't satisfied with my contributions, she can do without.
I've gone from feeling really sad about the whole sordid mess to being really ticked off that she has made my previously pleasant workplace into a place I don't want to be. She is covering her bad behavior with falsehoods and exaggerations in an attempt to cast me in a bad light, so there will be no forgiveness from me any time soon. Good thing I can act! I'll fake goodwill towards her if it kills me.
Thank you so much for letting me vent about this AND not telling me I"m crazy.
Wow..... I'd say ********* to all of this. This is work, not kumbaya time.
Since y'all seem to be into this, I'll keep going. Today the mediator came back and met with us individually again. She shared the list of needs with each of us. Mine was short: Say please and thank you and use an appropriate tone and 2) Make sure your 'frustration' with other issues is not being misdirected at me. and 3) I would like improved communication between me and coworker and manager.
Her list was long and was all about how i do my work...my job tasks....which is STILL not this coworkers job. she claimed that my work suffered when the manager isn't around: I make personal calls (I've had one personal call during work time in the past 2 months) I'm on Google Chat (I used that for the first time 3 weeks ago), we have no policies about either of those. I'm LOUD (???) and I"m always late when we are supposed to change work stations (yes, occasionally, I get distracted doing other things) And I don't communicate about my projects with her. (???) I called BS on most of that. None of it had to do with interpersonal communication. And other coworkers do all the same things without getting reprimanded. The mediator said: Oh, I keep forgetting she is not your supervisor.
Then we got in the room together and the mediator froze like a bunny rabbit and seemed to have no idea what to say next. Co worker stared at the ceiling.
I agreed that now that some of these work function issues had been brought to my attention (For the first time, mind you) I could definitely work on them and shared a few specifics on how I would do that. I said there is no way I did these things on her watch to be disrespectful and I was not aware that my performance was lacking on her watch but I would certainly take care in the future. And I said that sometimes I am flaky and forget things, particularly the process for tasks I've only done once or twice, and apologized (very sincerely!) if that caused inconvenience to others.
I set up an hourly chime on my cell phone and showed several coworkers that I would no longer be late for work station changes!
Mediator and Manager talked for a long time afterwards, but no idea what the outcome of that was.
Later I started thinking...if co-worker is only a beeotch when my manager isn't around why not change my schedule? I have to go to 6 weeks of PT and my daughter needs me to take her to gymnastics on Wednesdays, so it was really easy to ask the manager to make the changes and she was happy to oblige. It will cut my exposure time to coworker by 4 whole hours per week! I can cut back further if I need to, because I also have the option to work shifts at other locations. That will leave my location more shorthanded than it already is, but If co-worker isn't satisfied with my contributions, she can do without.
I've gone from feeling really sad about the whole sordid mess to being really ticked off that she has made my previously pleasant workplace into a place I don't want to be. She is covering her bad behavior with falsehoods and exaggerations in an attempt to cast me in a bad light, so there will be no forgiveness from me any time soon. Good thing I can act! I'll fake goodwill towards her if it kills me.
Thank you so much for letting me vent about this AND not telling me I"m crazy.
I actually am starting to think you're one of these people who enjoy drama.
Also when you have only been at a job for less than 6 months and now need time off for PT, time off to take your child places, the lateness issue, not exactly a model employee.
This woman may be difficult, but it doesn't sound like you have the best attitude either.
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