Not sure how to go to work...mean co-worker (conversation, workplace, appropriate)
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OP what I think this person has done is a classic control job - she's made herself (with her "mad skills") invaluable to your manager, so the insecure and easily manipulated manager cowtows to her. This manager may also be hiding behind her - either because her skills make the department he/she manages look good or because the woman has something on the manager - at the least a lack of skills, or maybe even something more damning.
The manager is not ever going to stand up to her. The thing is - this house of cards always falls eventually. The woman may go after the manager's job. Or - she probably doesn't really want all that responsibility -she may just continue her "reign of terror" from her current position, because she likes the pathetic little seat of power she's poised on. These little power surges MAKE HER DAY and unless management stands up to her, the rest of you are basically screwed until she makes someone above your current manager mad.
But she will either eventually move into management - where she will fail. Or she will tick someone off above your manager (by being so high maintenance that the situation is eventually unavoidable). The thing is, until she leaves, your department will have morale issues, and turnover. Someone will eventually notice this, but when? Unfortunately this can take a long time to get someone's attention, and meanwhile one good person after another will come and go while she continues to rule the roost.
Your manager is a big part of the problem. I predict turnover in that position before HER position.
Personally, I would be looking for another position - either in another department or with another company. It is very hard for me to work under weak, dysfunctional management and like I said - the woman in question is not the ONLY problem you have. You also have a very poor manager as well. This is a toxic situation.
I wouldn't just quit, but I'd make it my mission in life to find a better job or better position within the same company.
Yeah, she isn't going anywhere. Our organization is notoriously slow in getting rid of ineffective employees, and she is extremely effective. I don't think this is a firing offense. Manager is not so much insecure as she is passive aggressive. She wants it her way, YET she wants everyone around her to be happy. I can see her struggling with that at times.
I don't think coworker wants a management job, but she does seem ready for more responsibility. Just the other day I overheard her discussing the merits of moving to a similar job at a different site...one that would give her more responsibility and possibly more freedom. Our manager is very set in her ways and I have seen her shut this coworker down when she was just trying to implement positive change (change that was handed down from mgmt that our manager has chosen to interpret differently!) I could apply for that position as well but she would beat me out in a heartbeat because she has good experience and good performance reviews. But she is terribly insecure and really feels safe at our location and I think part of her angst involves convincing herself that she should go. And I am a convenient scapegoat (for example: I had to leave there because Stagemomma was so difficult to work with!). Instead of just admitting that it might be the best step in her career right now. Our customers generally know and love her and it would be very hard for her to leave them.
Ultimately, I have puzzled over why it is SO important that I, a lowly part time assistant, respect her, to the point where she feels a need to get my attention in a negative way. Why would she care so much? and I think the answer is that it is our MANAGER she wants more respect from, not me. And rightfully so, because I think manager is pretty controlling and that makes coworker feel very disrespected.
You're overthinking this! She's either acting unprofessionally toward you or she's not. You can't second guess all her insecurities and various schemes and motivations - all you can really do is do your job well and treat all your coworkers professionally - including her. Establish your boundaries and if she or anyone else oversteps them, respond professionally but firmly. And just know that every workplace has some challenging "personalities" and if it's not her you've got to put up with , it would be someone else.
And there are no perfect managers either.
Top producers (and apparently she is one) usually are very driven people and the very idiosyncracies that make them more successful than average can also make them more difficult than average to deal with on a daily basis. Managers know this and have to find a balance between production and personality quirks. Till you're at least as valuable to the company as she is, don't expect much backing from management. Just draw your own line in the sand with her and stick to it. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot while you're squaring up with the target!
Not sure how to deal with her at work today. I'm sure she is still expecting an apology, (for the one specific comment) and I don't really have one for her. I don't even care if she apologizes to me, that is not important to me. I just want her to be nice instead of nasty from here on out.
Don't deal with her at all.
It's NOT your job to boost her ego, she's obviously got issues that have nothing to do with you or anyone at your job, and she is taking it out on people that she thinks she can get away with it.
I had a former co-worker like that, someone REALLY must have done a number on her for her to be SO jaded at her age. Anyway, after about 3 days worth of her attitude (I was a new employee at that point), I finally turned the tables, and went OUT of my way to be super nice and sweet and helpful, so NO ONE could find any fault with my behavior. Well that drove her BONKERS, and she ended up quitting and moving to a competitor within 3 weeks, lol.
Now, that might not work with everyone, but it does work for some!
We had a similar worker here in our group. Nasty, mean, jealous, needed to be the center of attention, tried to get others in trouble, etc . The bosses knew it, we all knew it. He just loved to stir the pot and cause drama. Problem was he did his job well enough to keep his position. But he was a thorn in everyone's side.
Eventually all of us decided it was enough, since the bosses wouldn't do anything about. So at one of our quarterly meetings we, his coworkers, just outright called him out on it in the open, and as a group said we are tired of his manipulative games, we all were onto him, and none of us would take it anymore and would back each other up and isolate him. The boss just kept quiet. He feigned ignorance, but all of us individually told him to basically grow up, right there in front of everyone.
Well, it worked. We did as we said, he wouldn't play nice, and he eventually knew his games weren't going to work. A couple months went by and he quit. Good riddance. Unfortunately that psycho is now someone else's problem to deal with.
I still think the approach described by 11thHour above is best. Then you are done with her and her immature, hostile behavior. She will be someone else's problem. Now wouldn't that be easier than worrying about her every day?
Hostility in the workplace is unacceptable. Not everyone will like us, but they must show common courtesy at a bare minimum.
Do not apologize and do not follow the worst advice on this thread which was to join some codependent group or other such nonsense. You are not the problem. That will just introduce senseless psychobabble into your life, be a waste of time and do nothing about the problem person. The problematic employee is the problem. Get a little closer to some co-workers in the next couple months;if she does not change her ways, go into your manager's office with a couple co-workers and tell her to get rid of her. The manager will see the light at that point I predict. Or be miserable. Those are the choices.
Hostility in the workplace is unacceptable. Not everyone will like us, but they must show common courtesy at a bare minimum.
Do not apologize and do not follow the worst advice on this thread which was to join some codependent group or other such nonsense. You are not the problem. That will just introduce senseless psychobabble into your life, be a waste of time and do nothing about the problem person. The problematic employee is the problem..
You state that colleagues "must show common courtesy at a bare minimum" and yet in your next sentence, you demean the suggestion of a member of your online community......common courtesy in the workplace but not right here in your community?
Let's respectfully agree to disagree. No need to put others down to make your point.
You're overthinking this! She's either acting unprofessionally toward you or she's not. You can't second guess all her insecurities and various schemes and motivations - all you can really do is do your job well and treat all your coworkers professionally - including her. Establish your boundaries and if she or anyone else oversteps them, respond professionally but firmly. And just know that every workplace has some challenging "personalities" and if it's not her you've got to put up with , it would be someone else.
And there are no perfect managers either.
Top producers (and apparently she is one) usually are very driven people and the very idiosyncracies that make them more successful than average can also make them more difficult than average to deal with on a daily basis. Managers know this and have to find a balance between production and personality quirks. Till you're at least as valuable to the company as she is, don't expect much backing from management. Just draw your own line in the sand with her and stick to it. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot while you're squaring up with the target!
Girlfriend, that is exactly what the mediator said!!!!
Ultimately, I have puzzled over why it is SO important that I, a lowly part time assistant, respect her, to the point where she feels a need to get my attention in a negative way. Why would she care so much? and I think the answer is that it is our MANAGER she wants more respect from, not me. And rightfully so, because I think manager is pretty controlling and that makes coworker feel very disrespected.
Early a.m. epiphany...not only is coworker struggling with the lack of professional respect from her boss...she is just plain old fashioned jealous that the boss and I get along well personally and professionally. Plain. Old. Jealous.
What a big baby!!!!
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