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I used to work with a woman like this. I loved the work that I did at that job but that coworker just made the environment absolutely miserable. My best piece of advice it to document every interaction hat you have with her. Dates, times, and witnesses. It's good that your boss is aware that she is problem but you never know when this psycho decides to go over her head and complain to higher ups who don't know what she is like. You need to be prepared for that.
Definitely don't apologize, just do your job as best as you can. You don't have to be friendly with her, just professional. Hopefully she will **** off the wrong person and get herself fired.
Do the George Costanza - act like nothing happened. Occasionally a frank chat will clear things up and improve a relationship, but I think more often it makes it worse. You've already tried communicating and it didn't work. Just be as civil and polite as possible, but don't go out of your way to talk to her. Pretend none of it happened at all and don't acknowledge that you're even thinking about it. Probably better for everyone if you can just gloss over the whole thing and have the kind of "truce" she has with the boss.
Unfortunately, I have to agree that a frank talk sometimes makes it worse. That is too bad. Back in the 80's/maybe early 90's it usually made things better, but the numbers of juvenile and immature adults is far greater today. We even see the clear evidence here on city data on occasion.
It is too bad the boss can't grow some if you know what I mean. The boss would rather you and the co-workers go through that than discipline or even terminate the out of line co-worker.
Be as civil and polite as you can going forward. Give it three or four months. If nothing changes, see if you can grab a co-operative co-worker or even two that has experienced similar conduct to go to the boss with you about her behavior. There is power in numbers in these situations. You would be more likely to get action then.
I would not apologize, nor would I spend any time worrying over it. Your boss knows she's a problem to work with. They know it's not you.
I would not go out of my way to talk to her. I would not try to be her friend. I would go to work, do my job, and maintain cordial civility. There is no need for chit-chat on work hours. If she tries to come over to you and start picking on what you're doing, correct it if it's wrong, and ignore her if it's not. Don't respond.
We had a similar worker here in our group. Nasty, mean, jealous, needed to be the center of attention, tried to get others in trouble, etc . The bosses knew it, we all knew it. He just loved to stir the pot and cause drama. Problem was he did his job well enough to keep his position. But he was a thorn in everyone's side.
Eventually all of us decided it was enough, since the bosses wouldn't do anything about. So at one of our quarterly meetings we, his coworkers, just outright called him out on it in the open, and as a group said we are tired of his manipulative games, we all were onto him, and none of us would take it anymore and would back each other up and isolate him. The boss just kept quiet. He feigned ignorance, but all of us individually told him to basically grow up, right there in front of everyone.
Well, it worked. We did as we said, he wouldn't play nice, and he eventually knew his games weren't going to work. A couple months went by and he quit. Good riddance. Unfortunately that psycho is now someone else's problem to deal with.
Fantastic to hear that! Amazing what can happen when a group of workers has some courage. I have worked with too many "chickens" (remembering one situation about 20 years ago) for that to happen. I suggested a group of us go to the manager when the offending person was out sick one day and the others said "Oh no, better not". Well, I guess they would rather complain and be miserable. I had a new and better position about six months later.
I still give that advice to the OP to do that on the chance that there will be a courageous person to assist. Furthermore, the fact the OP received a very impressive review from the manager is a plus in his favor.
You've done what you can and she is who she is. Stop trying to change her. Just be pleasant, continue to do your job and enjoy your other coworkers.
Your last sentence is telling. You just want her to be nice. You have no control over her attitudes or actions, only your own.
That is all true. However, if there is a chance they can convince the manager to terminate her with no risk to themselves, why not take it? The most unpleasant person in the office has no more rights than the other workers there. There are standards of acceptable behavior in the workplace and the manager needs to know probably one more time that this person has violated them.
Then this person can display her unprofessional attitudes and behavior OUTSIDE that workplace. That would make it better for everyone else.
The only "catch" if it worked may be the "we are not replacing her, but spreading her duties around" routine. It would probably still be worth it given her hostile behavior.
Finally, I apologize to the OP for referring to her as a "he" and "him" by accident in my posts. Just realized it. As for you, I agree: Do not apologize. LOL!
Well, for once I have an interesting update! Got in this AM and found that co-worker would not speak to me, look at me or walk into my vicinity. so I didn't have to worry about how I was going to approach her!
My boss called HR yesterday afternoon. They sent a mediator! she met with coworker first and heard her side. While she was doing that I made a list because I wanted to focus on facts rather than ramble on about my emotions. Then I met with the mediator. I was a nervous wreck but she was really sweet and listened. She validated my frustrations and said I was very intuitive. And whatever else happens, she says I am perfectly reasonable to ask that anything coworker says to me be phrased appropriately and with a reasonable tone of voice.
She made lists of what both of us said we NEEDED to get out of this process. Coworker's list was long (I haven't heard details yet, we ran out of time). Mine had 3 items: 1) Tone of voice and appropriate phrasing of comments 2) Acknowledgement that sometimes we have conflicting ways of doing things within our organization and that I MIGHT be doing something exactly as I was told and 3) Clear chain of command/procedure for addressing issues as they arise (because she IS NOT my supervisor even tho she has seniority. Mediator was surprised, but honestly, that was all I ever asked for.
So we will meet with mediator again tomorrow to review our lists of needs. yippee.
Someone asked and I want to make it clear: this woman is REALLY good at her job. She has mad skills and I was hoping to learn a lot from her. This is not HER first time in mediation at this workplace.
I worked with a woman at an IT shop in NC who was known to be the Queen B around the office (and 'B' did not stand for Bee). She was bossy, obnoxious, and rude to everyone. Her way "asking" you to come over was you yell your name. When you tried to explain anything to her, she would interrupt before you finished and assume what you were going to say - often being wrong. When you went to see her, people in the other cubes would give you a soroful look of sympathy and solidarity as you passed by.
The manager of the department thought he needed her knowledge and that without her his fifedom would crash and burn so he wussed out and would not control or confront her.
I went to the company as a contractor on a six month gig. After 4 months, one Wednesday I got up from my desk at 2PM, went to the parking lot, got in my car and drove the 411 miles from Wilmington where the job was to Cherokee where there was a lot of Booze and Gambling, and friendly faces. The next morning at 8AM I called to tell the department manager I would not be back.
A few hours later he called to apologise and then the Queen also called to let me know she was sorry for treating me so badly. Of course I know that they didn't really care personally if I came back or not, but they needed what I was doing finished and it would be really bad to have to explain to upper management why I left so abruptly. I told them I would be back into the office on Monday.
The point of the story is that sometimes there will be someone at your office who is so sour that it tears at your soul and management many times will not do anything about it because of the perceived value of the player. In those instances your only real option is to "Vote with your feet." I did, and from that day I kept a countdown calendar of the number of days till the job was over.
Being miserable because of miserable people is not worth it to me. And those people do take joy in making you miserable if they can. Don't let them.
Edit: I just read your update. I hope that works out well for you.
Last edited by blktoptrvl; 02-18-2014 at 04:25 PM..
You have a terrible boss. She knows this employee is hard to deal with historically, yet she allowed this individual to act like she is the one that you answer too. Wrong, and failed management imo. And, you did what you needed to, told her and in the presence of the boss the things you needed to...
Too bad your boss didn't take the opportunity to lay some ground rules for future communications. If this is a peer..suggest that the boss initiate supervision of you herself. If this person is your supervisor, than any complaints need to be put into writing and submitted to your boss, with a CC to you. You might also suggest...immediately...that you would like a list of the issues mentioned....only those that relate to the performance of your job...and, that you would like a weekly report of these issues....including positive comments to be submitted to your boss, and placed into your personal file.
In other words....this person must document, date, time, what occurred, how she handled it, and the resulting improvements, or detriments....I think your boss has failed you, she is not a good manager...But, using this type documentation will serve to make this employee have to substantiate her claims..believe me...having to formally write out something every time she gets into a tizzy will either make her stop, or at least give you documents to prove a hostile environment.
You might even research your State Dept. of Labor for additional ideas and suggestion on proving hostility issues if this continues and you need to complain to the DOL. Good luck...
EDIT: I just read your update....Sounds like you are being very professional...IMO...not coming off looking like the "bad guy"...Clearly the one with the issues is your co-worker. Good luck...looking forward to your next update
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