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She said the boy was 8 years younger and the father of the boy was her step dad not her dad.
I can see the situation and agree with all of it. I have a brother that is 10 years younger than myself and also my dad had a child with his 3rd wife who is 30 years younger than myself. I would not recognize this kid if I walked past him in the store. Never had a relationship with him and never will. That is HIS kid and not my stepbrother if that makes any sense. She is his WIFE not my stepmother. He and I had a strained relationship our whole life and I mourned his loss years ago, even though he's still alive.
I'm in the midst of a horrible situation with my younger brother and I'm about ready to snap on that. Just because people are 'blood relatives' that don't make them "family."
I find your post really sad.
But news flash, your dad's son IS your brother.
NOT your step-brother, but your HALF brother - a fully legal sibling (unlike steps).
I am sorry you are "in the midst of a horrible situation" with your brother - though I am curious how that is happening since you "would not recognize the kid if you walked past him..."
It's a free country and we are all free to pick and choose who we will or won't have a relationship with, but it seems as though your anger and dislike of your father has caused you to reject your brother, which hardly seems right. Has your brother actually done anything to you to deserve being completely written off?
I do agree that blood does not always make "family", but our OP's brother is only 19 and has crappy parents who aren't helping him move forward in his life. An older compassionate sibling could make all the difference in his life.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 12-22-2013 at 02:48 PM..
NOT your step-brother, but your HALF brother - a fully legal sibling (unlike steps).
I am sorry you are "in the midst of a horrible situation" with your brother - though I am curious how that is happening since you "would not recognize the kid if you walked past him..."
It's a free country and we are all free to pick and choose who we will or won't have a relationship with, but it seems as though your anger and dislike of your father has caused you to reject your brother, which hardly seems right. Has your brother actually done anything to you to deserve being completely written off?
First off, I hadn't seen or talked to him for over twenty years when he had the kid and newsflash he's actually the product of someone else as the father and her as the mother. His wife was nothing but a beosh to me and everyone else and she was who he screwed around with while married to my mother. I don't have an inclination to know any of them. He was verbally and physically abusive. I saw him on more than one occasion toss my mother down the stone tile staircase when I was 13 and 14. Don't jump to too many conclusions in your posts. He would dump me off at the movies when I was only 7 or 8 years old by myself so he could go screw some woman on the side. He did that until the day I met the child molester - I'm thankful the people who worked there were alert. They chewed his rear end out. All he said was, "don't tell your mother." I sat in the pew in front of him in church when we had my nephew's funeral and no one said a word to each other. When I found out what he put my brother through just days after his kid died made me sick.
Here's a case in point. My brother asked my father for financial assistance to bury his 20 year old son two days after he died. My father and his wife demanded that papers be drawn up by an attorney with a repayment plan for any money he needed for the funeral. My brother just walked out on him and I don't blame him. My brother is very fiscally responsible and my dad owed HIM over $30,000 at the time. We other children and my mom all helped him out....and you want me to embroil myself in such a callous relationship and support him in his later years? The content and quality of a person is not because of lineage. He also got me fired from one of my jobs because he wanted it for himself which cost me over $12,000 in legal fees. You still want to have dinner with him now?
He did want and do the small ground level headstone and do you want to know why - it's because it's the only thing other people can see and he let's everyone know he helped with that funeral. Sorry Loves he makes me sick.
Additionally, we are talking about 2 different people (which makes me wonder how well you translate what is being typed). I have a full blood younger brother and the kid he had with his wife is way younger than him. So, we are talking about 2 different kids who are now adults.
It's called Self Preservation when things are soooo toxic, even if they are family, it becomes a detriment to your health and mental well being.
Just because someone says they have no contact with a family member does not make them wrong or to be pitied upon. Just because people are not providing detail doesn't mean they don't have a story. And many a story I could tell, it's more than just what you see here.
First off, I hadn't seen or talked to him for over twenty years when he had the kid and newsflash he's actually the product of someone else as the father and her as the mother. I don't have an inclination to know any of them. He was verbally and physically abusive. I saw him on more than one occasion toss my mother down the stone tile staircase when I was 13 and 14. Don't jump to too many conclusions in your posts. I sat in the pew in front of him in church when we had my nephew's funeral and no one said a word to each other. When I found out what he put my brother through just days after his kid died made me sick.
Additionally, we are talking about 2 different people (which makes me wonder how well you translate what is being typed). I have a full blood younger brother and the kid he had with his wife is way younger than him. So, we are talking about 2 different kids who are now adults.
It's called Self Preservation when things are soooo toxic, even if they are family, it becomes a detriment to your health and mental well being.
Just because someone says they have no contact with a family member does not make them wrong or to be pitied upon. Just because people are not providing detail doesn't mean they don't have a story. And many a story I could tell, it's more than just what you see here.
You've obviously had quite the short end of the stick, to put it mildly, when it comes to a father.
My only questions though were regarding your brother.
You said you "wouldn't recognize him" but yet you are "in the midst of" some major problem with him, which just didn't make sense to me, that's all.
So I asked if your dad's son that you wouldn't recognize had ever done anything to you to make you reject him like this, or is it just because he's your dad's son and is guilty by association.
I am only reading your words my friend, not "translating" anything at all, plus there was no indication in that first post that you were talking about TWO different brothers
You've obviously had quite the short end of the stick, to put it mildly, when it comes to a father.
My only questions though were regarding your brother.
You said you "wouldn't recognize him" but yet you are "in the midst of" some major problem with him, which just didn't make sense to me, that's all.
So I asked if your dad's son that you wouldn't recognize had ever done anything to you to make you reject him like this, or is it just because he's your dad's son and is guilty by association.
I am only reading your words my friend, not "translating" anything at all
See, you did it again. With my mother, his first wife, he had me and my brothers and the youngest is 10 years younger than myself who needs to be served with papers for slander. The one I wouldn't recognize would be the kid he supposedly had with his 3rd and most recent wife. I'm told by several that the kid is pretty effed up. It's a package deal - you deal with one you get all of them and I have no respect whatsoever for him or his wife.
See, you did it again. With my mother, his first wife, he had me and my brothers and the youngest is 10 years younger than myself who needs to be served with papers for slander. The one I wouldn't recognize would be the kid he supposedly had with his 3rd and most recent wife. I'm told by several that the kid is pretty effed up. It's a package deal - you deal with one you get all of them and I have no respect whatsoever for him or his wife.
I mourned the loss of my father years ago.
Honey, I didn't "do" anything again. Please go back and read your original post that I responded to. It is NOT CLEAR that you are discussing 2 different brothers.
I get it now though - your youngest sibling that you would "not recognize" is basically guilty by association.
I can understand your decision to stay away from him if having a relationship with him is a "package deal", but that's still really sad to me.
Personally, I am able to have relationships with my half siblings that stand on their own merit and have nothing to do with any parents. Wish it was the same for you.
I see your after thought edit up there and yes, when I say one is 10 years younger and the other is 30 years younger should have been a tip off they were two different people.
I see your after thought edit up there and yes, when I say one is 10 years younger and the other is 30 years younger should have been a tip off they were two different people.
honestly, I read it as the 3rd wife is 30 years younger than you
She said the boy was 8 years younger and the father of the boy was her step dad not her dad.
I can see the situation and agree with all of it. I have a brother that is 10 years younger than myself and also my dad had a child with his 3rd wife who is 30 years younger than myself. I would not recognize this kid if I walked past him in the store. Never had a relationship with him and never will. That is HIS kid and not my stepbrother if that makes any sense. She is his WIFE not my stepmother. He and I had a strained relationship our whole life and I mourned his loss years ago, even though he's still alive.
I'm in the midst of a horrible situation with my younger brother and I'm about ready to snap on that. Just because people are 'blood relatives' that don't make them "family."
There is my first post and where I mentioned them first.
You will be under no legal obligation to financially care for your parents, but you will have to search your conscience to do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do if/when the time comes.
But in the meanwhile - why aren't you reaching out to your brother?
He's a kid in desperate need of a lifeline in the form of a mentor.
YOU could help him so much if you would only choose to get more involved. Is there a good reason you haven't?
I think there is more to the story. I also agree OP has no obligation to the parents. But why even mention/bring up the brother? What does he have to do with anything? What's the point of saying he never went to prom or had a girlfriend at age 20? Does the OP feel sorry for him and think that's the parents fault? If so he should maybe do as you mention and be a mentor.
Otherwise I don't see what the big deal there is. Our son is 20 and chose not to go to prom (that sort do thing was not his thing. He hated the high school stuff) and has yet to have a girlfriend. It's just not where he wants to focus at this time. His college major is way to demanding.....
So I'm with you wondering why he doesn't reach out to the brother......
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