Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You're right! They already went to look at apartments last week and she'll be putting a deposit down to reserve and apartment for December/January and I'm forcing the issue. My GF has an interview tomorrow for an awesome job, I'm sitting here hoping and praying she gets it...then no more uncertainty, December 17th, I'm going to have another lease signed at another place.
Good Luck to you. You have a lot more patience than most people.
Are you sure that your girlfriend's mom can't move out sooner?
Maybe it could help to think of it in terms of what you can and can not live with until December? Focus on the things which bother you the most and bring those up. This is a little different from a roomie situation, because you can choose to not see the roomie again pretty easily most of the time. With a Mother in Law, it's a bit tougher.
Also, you may want to figure out what you're going to do if she backs out of living in her own place and tries to come live with you. Is your partner on board with you about what will happen? That's definitely something you should both talk about to make sure you're on the same page.
I'd say, "This living arrangement does not work. Our styles are too different to be compatible. Perhaps you can move out sooner than later." Let her speak. Does she ask why? If so, lay it ALL on her. You can add "I realize you think I'm picking on you or that these are small problems. The truth is, I thought you would be more respectful of me and my home and that's why I allowed you to come here. But you are not understanding that the more you stumble with the basics, those small issues have now become quiet large."
What did your mom or dad tell you when you whined about not being able to do something? Did they tell you "tough noogies"??? What did they say when you said you didn't have enough money to do something? Apparently, no one has ever told her she had to find her own solutions for things she WANTED. Or that she had to pay her way. It's NOT your responsibility to teach her these things although she STILL doesn't want to learn. So teach her there's a consequence. You are not being mean. You are not letting her walk all over you which is exactly what she's doing to you. It's awful.
Kate, just think of us all here on CD as your little angels, on your shoulder, guiding you through sticking up for yourself. It may feel funny at first, but you'll make it. I know you will...and you'll feel so much better.
Good Luck to you. You have a lot more patience than most people.
Are you sure that your girlfriend's mom can't move out sooner?
I really can't make her. She does contribute to the rent and we are all on the lease. It is her house as much as mine, it's just that the things that irk me about her, I don't personally do. Between the hours of say 9pm and 9am, I don't make noise, I don't make a mess, I don't use the last of something like paper towels or toilet paper and not replace it, so I feel that I deserve the same courtesy and she either doesn't feel that way, or doesn't care, or doesn't know.
Come December she will have an extra $400 in her pocket from two bills that will be paid off, I made sure of that when I put her budget together. As someone said, I can't just kick her out and never see her again, so as much as it boils my blood at this point, I have to help her as much as I can with the understanding that the goal is to have separate residences in January.
Maybe it could help to think of it in terms of what you can and can not live with until December? Focus on the things which bother you the most and bring those up. This is a little different from a roomie situation, because you can choose to not see the roomie again pretty easily most of the time. With a Mother in Law, it's a bit tougher.
Also, you may want to figure out what you're going to do if she backs out of living in her own place and tries to come live with you. Is your partner on board with you about what will happen? That's definitely something you should both talk about to make sure you're on the same page.
That is exactly what I'm trying to do. The thing is that as the stuff piles up, EVERYTHING annoys me now. The cooking fried pork fat at 6am on Sunday morning is definitely something I can't live with, as is the loud TV when I get home from work. I've been sending my GF in there to tell her to turn it down, next time I'm going to have to make the point that the loud TV is really disturbing after a 10 hour work day EVERYDAY, not just on the days that we tell her to turn it down. I'm so tempted to go out and pull the fuse out of the damn TV so it doesn't work. However, it did only cost me $20, so she could probably afford a new one, so that won't work
I did address the issue of her not wanting to move out with my GF. My GF understands that the way things are I am not happy and the whole situation is not working out. It has already been made clear to her that backing out is not an option, moving to her own place is just something that will have to happen.
I'd say, "This living arrangement does not work. Our styles are too different to be compatible. Perhaps you can move out sooner than later." Let her speak. Does she ask why? If so, lay it ALL on her. You can add "I realize you think I'm picking on you or that these are small problems. The truth is, I thought you would be more respectful of me and my home and that's why I allowed you to come here. But you are not understanding that the more you stumble with the basics, those small issues have now become quiet large."
What did your mom or dad tell you when you whined about not being able to do something? Did they tell you "tough noogies"??? What did they say when you said you didn't have enough money to do something? Apparently, no one has ever told her she had to find her own solutions for things she WANTED. Or that she had to pay her way. It's NOT your responsibility to teach her these things although she STILL doesn't want to learn. So teach her there's a consequence. You are not being mean. You are not letting her walk all over you which is exactly what she's doing to you. It's awful.
Kate, just think of us all here on CD as your little angels, on your shoulder, guiding you through sticking up for yourself. It may feel funny at first, but you'll make it. I know you will...and you'll feel so much better.
Haha, how I would love to do that I know exactly what will happen too...she will lay a guilt trip on my GF with tears and everything - she's done it before.
In any case, I already told my GF that I'm done being nice, I'm done doing favors, I'm over it. We agreed to do this to end of the year and that's it. No more taking her places, no more tolerating crap, no more inconveniencing myself and never getting a thank you. If she doesn't want to listen and respect what I ask, two can play that game.
Well, this is a lesson for your GF, too. She's a grown up and you can still respect your mother without taking her nonsense. I hope she gathers some strength as well. And yea, two CAN play that game...stay strong!!!
Well, this is a lesson for your GF, too. She's a grown up and you can still respect your mother without taking her nonsense. I hope she gathers some strength as well. And yea, two CAN play that game...stay strong!!!
Consider a couple of things.
You have let things get to the boiling point rather than make things clear to begin with.
Even though your GF's approach did not do anything to correct the situation(s) you continued to do it that way.
Now, you don't want to face , I would think, some months of hellish living until the end of the year so step back, realize that you also contributed to the problem, calm down and start doing things the way you should have to begin with, once you saw that GF's way wasn't working.
Speak up ,but simmer down and be specific.
If she wants the car, for instance, just say OK, but stop and fill it up(or put $10 worth or gas in, or whatever)
If the TV is too loud, say so.I ask my husband to turn the TV down frequently, when I come to sit in the same room. It doesn't cause any wars.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
