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These days it's not uncommon for a person in their 50's/60's to still have children at home and still be working FT.
If they're still working 60 hours a week, how are they also going to provide elder care for their parents and FT childcare for any grandchildren that they might have from their older adult children?
Elder care is often not simply a matter of providing a room and meals to an elderly person. It often involves help with bathing, toileting, dressing, medication management, shuttling around to doctors appts, keeping them safe if they have dementia and need round the clock monitoring.
Can you imagine trying to take a confused/combative parent with Alzheimer's to a doctors appt with a cranky 2 year old grandchild on your hip while fielding calls from work and proofreading your teenage kid's college essay? I can't.
That doesn't take into account the years of home health/companion aid and/or assisted living leading up to their placement into memory care.
Usually, people have symptoms for a number of years, if not a decade or more, before they wind up in memory care.
People may have symptoms for a number of years, but it would be unusual to require paid long term care (at home or in a facility or some combination) for a decade or more. This chart was posted in a related thread on this forum: https://aspe.hhs.gov/sites/default/f...ncing-2022.pdf
These days it's not uncommon for a person in their 50's/60's to still have children at home and still be working FT.
If they're still working 60 hours a week, how are they also going to provide elder care for their parents and FT childcare for any grandchildren that they might have from their older adult children?
Elder care is often not simply a matter of providing a room and meals to an elderly person. It often involves help with bathing, toileting, dressing, medication management, shuttling around to doctors appts, keeping them safe if they have dementia and need round the clock monitoring.
Can you imagine trying to take a confused/combative parent with Alzheimer's to a doctors appt with a cranky 2 year old grandchild on your hip while fielding calls from work and proofreading your teenage kid's college essay? I can't.
Similarly, I suppose this combination of events is possible, but being 60 years old, working 60 hours a week, having children living at home, being a care taker for your children’s children, and caring for a parent with dementia seems improbable. I grant you that a series of simultaneous unfortunate events could strike any family and be personally and financially devastating, but preparing for such circumstances strikes me as reaching for the highest hanging fruit.
People may have symptoms for a number of years, but it would be unusual to require paid long term care (at home or in a facility or some combination) for a decade or more. This chart was posted in a related thread on this forum: https://aspe.hhs.gov/sites/default/f...ncing-2022.pdf
Family members take up the slack when a person can no longer quite manage to live independently. They help the elderly family with driving, cooking, cleaning, yard work, take them to doctor/dental appts, make sure that their utility bills get paid. And, yes, that can go on for years and even decades before the person's condition deteriorates to the point that they need memory care.
Usually, memory care is the very tail end of the story but there were many, many chapters before that.
Similarly, I suppose this combination of events is possible, but being 60 years old, working 60 hours a week, having children living at home, being a care taker for your children’s children, and caring for a parent with dementia seems improbable. I grant you that a series of simultaneous unfortunate events could strike any family and be personally and financially devastating, but preparing for such circumstances strikes me as reaching for the highest hanging fruit.
They call it the sandwich generation for a reason. And, yes, there is a growing number of people in this very impossible situation where normal demands in life converge all at once into an overwhelming load for a person to try to handle alone.
I volunteer at a day facility for dementia patients. Some are there for just 2 days a week (8:30 to 4pm), others 5 days a week. It's a great way for the caregivers to have time to do their errands, medical appointments, work, etc. Because it's a non-profit, the fees aren't that high, $75/day. It's a bit like adult day care. We do exercises, music-time, games, crafts, basically keeping them safe and entertained. So many caregivers have no respite. This is something that's needed in every community. I think more people could care for their loved ones at home if they had the ability to get respite care.
I cared for my mother as her dementia progressed. The years she was in daycare were great. She loved social interaction, and since I was still working at the beginning, I could not have cared for her without this.
A good number of years ago we tried to purchase long term care insurance but couldn't qualify.
I do believe I would be somewhat protected. I suffered a 50% disability during my military service in Vietnam in 1968 (and you thought Vietnam was paid for) and receive a monthly benefit of $1,179.16 along with free VA healthcare.
My understanding is if I ever needed long term care I could obtain it through the VA but I have no idea as to its quality or even availability. The good point about this is it's all taken care of and wouldn't leave my wife destitute.
We were able to obtain home care health insurance but I know few of the perks.... someone comes to our house I guess.
Would your disability benefits be directed to paying for your care or would your wife continue to receive that?
If it were military retirement benefits, would they be directed to your care, or would your wife continue to receive this?
These days it's not uncommon for a person in their 50's/60's to still have children at home and still be working FT.
If they're still working 60 hours a week, how are they also going to provide elder care for their parents and FT childcare for any grandchildren that they might have from their older adult children?
Elder care is often not simply a matter of providing a room and meals to an elderly person. It often involves help with bathing, toileting, dressing, medication management, shuttling around to doctors appts, keeping them safe if they have dementia and need round the clock monitoring.
Can you imagine trying to take a confused/combative parent with Alzheimer's to a doctors appt with a cranky 2 year old grandchild on your hip while fielding calls from work and proofreading your teenage kid's college essay? I can't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WVNomad
Similarly, I suppose this combination of events is possible, but being 60 years old, working 60 hours a week, having children living at home, being a care taker for your children’s children, and caring for a parent with dementia seems improbable. I grant you that a series of simultaneous unfortunate events could strike any family and be personally and financially devastating, but preparing for such circumstances strikes me as reaching for the highest hanging fruit.
I've done it. Well, not all of it.
When my mother moved in with us, we still had kids living at home. Mercifully, no grandbabies quite yet.
I cared for my mother as her dementia progressed. The years she was in daycare were great. She loved social interaction, and since I was still working at the beginning, I could not have cared for her without this.
Adult daycare program are a lifesaver.
Well, my mom tried to put dad into an adult daycare program while she continued to work FT but he got kicked out for being disoriented and combative.
Those programs might be great for some people but ZERO help in other situations.
It was an eye opening and very brutal reality. I would imagine that high fall risks would similarly be dismissed from such programs. By that I mean a person who is physically capable of getting up on their own but uncoordinated and unable to understand why they shouldn't be getting up without help. The staff has a roomful of others to supervise - there is no way that they can safely watch a person like that.
Last edited by springfieldva; 04-03-2024 at 06:58 AM..
From what I've seen there is an inverse proportion to the amount of community help available to the level of need required.
The higher the need, the less amount of help available.
I literally heard of a dementia patient in a nice facility being kicked out for refusing to wear a mask during Covid. Seriously.
Last edited by springfieldva; 04-03-2024 at 07:10 AM..
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