What's an "elder orphan" to do...with his or her money? (retired, cousins)
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Ha, so true! My mother recently passed away. For years she told me that she had a living will. I never questioned it. When she was in medical distress, my sister called me to ask me if I knew where it was (I didn't), and then my sister called back to say she finallly found it! The EMTS looked at it and said, "This isn't valid. No doctor signed it." Doh! Thankfully, my mother was coherent enough (barely) to tell them she didn't want any life-saving measures. She passed away that night.
I'm not sure if my MIL had a living will or not, but she always verbally told us that she did not want to be "hooked up to machines" to live. Well, imagine our surprise when she had a stroke and needed a feeding tube that she told the doctors to do everything they can to keep her alive. She lived for 7 more months, barely coherent for most of them, lying in a nursing home bed.
If you want a DNR, make sure it's valid and that your loved ones know where it is and that it's easily accessible. It's hard to think clearly in the heat of a very stressful moment.
I've heard of a kit that includes a red folder that is attached with magnets to your refrigerator to place your DNR or living will in. Apparently EMTs are supposed to check your refrigerator for one?? You get a sticker for your front door or window too, and you can write "Check the fridge" on it.
Can you leave it to the Nature Conservancy or some land preservation group?
In theory, yes....but things are not as easy as they might seem. As my Mother pointed out when I wanted, decades ago, to leave my stuffed animal collection to a children's hospital (you can't, allergens and everything but didn't know that at a time), that I have to word it to leave it to the children of a children's hospital.......because the hospital may take the collection and sell it to have funds.
Same thing here for what is to stop a group from selling that land to get funds to use elsewhere?
I am afraid that such a "gift" would have to be worded, loaded with conditions, so it is used exactly as one intends, to prevent it from being used in a counter way. Further, what if they don't accept the gift? Can one codified (conditionfied?) it so someone else gets it to keep it as a nature preserve?
In theory, yes....but things are not as easy as they might seem. As my Mother pointed out when I wanted, decades ago, to leave my stuffed animal collection to a children's hospital (you can't, allergens and everything but didn't know that at a time), that I have to word it to leave it to the children of a children's hospital.......because the hospital may take the collection and sell it to have funds.
Same thing here for what is to stop a group from selling that land to get funds to use elsewhere?
I am afraid that such a "gift" would have to be worded, loaded with conditions, so it is used exactly as one intends, to prevent it from being used in a counter way. Further, what if they don't accept the gift? Can one codified (conditionfied?) it so someone else gets it to keep it as a nature preserve?
Sigh, details, details.....
It is easier than you fear.
Your concerns are addressed in the link I provided.
I would think TX has something similiar.
The late billionaire Leona Helmsley left a LOT of money to charity- this after a lifetime of being villainized as a evil woman and nasty boss.
Somewhere in there she made up for some of her sins.
Another fun way to spend in retirement- "adopting" a server at a cafe or restaurant. A man I know via social media does this- he's a digital nomad, so he supports his favorite waitress this way.
I drew up a will several years ago with a local attorney, who eventually died and went out of business -- obviously, but his partner had also died in the interim, so the firm completely shut down and the building was sold. When I went on a search for my will, which I assumed had either been "taken over" by another attorney or was at least "on file" somewhere so that there would be a legal, enforceable copy of it somewhere (although I hadn't thought out how it would be known that I was dead), I was told no; I probably had the original and any copies were destroyed, so here I go again!
What assurances do you have in the event that "this one attorney" can't fulfill his duties?
It now seems simpler to just enjoy it while I'm alive! That's an entirely new concept for me, but I'm slowly warming up to it...
IMHO, the K.I.S.S. method works for many, many aspects of life as well as death. While I do have several relatives who will receive small bequests (specific tangible item, etc.), none of them will or can serve as my executor and I wouldn't burden any friend with that task. A trust makes no sense for me or any assets that might be left when I shake off this mortal coil. Everything left over is destined for one non-profit (TNC as a matter of fact).
A copy of my will is kept on file with a state-licensed trust company, not an individual attorney. There's continuity...the trust company has been in continuous business in the state for decades. The original signed hard copy document is at home in the most obvious place someone would look for it; office filing cabinet. It sits right next to my advanced directive. Information about titled property is next to that (car, real estate, etc.). I am not going to torture myself finding obscure places to hide such things then wondering whether anyone can find them. They are not "stored" online. What I don't have is anyone to act as POA for me. Doesn't seem to be a good solution for that. Yet.
The trust company maintains my file and will make small edits (revising contact info for named relatives, adding or deleting a bank account or real estate) free of charge. Obviously once probate starts their billable hours will as well, but once again my affairs are intentionally simple, my will clear and concise. Probate won't be complicated. I simply choose not to lie awake nights worrying what the trust company might or might not end up charging to distribute my estate. In the grand scheme of things, the exact amount left won't make that much difference to anyone. As long as my final debts are settled, I refuse to regret every nickel I might have spent on myself or anyone else before dying or after. Maintaining control is hard enough in life. After death, it's almost impossible. Once beyond the grave I'll probably have other interests.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-13-2024 at 05:37 PM..
In theory, yes....but things are not as easy as they might seem. As my Mother pointed out when I wanted, decades ago, to leave my stuffed animal collection to a children's hospital (you can't, allergens and everything but didn't know that at a time), that I have to word it to leave it to the children of a children's hospital.......because the hospital may take the collection and sell it to have funds.
Same thing here for what is to stop a group from selling that land to get funds to use elsewhere?
I am afraid that such a "gift" would have to be worded, loaded with conditions, so it is used exactly as one intends, to prevent it from being used in a counter way. Further, what if they don't accept the gift? Can one codified (conditionfied?) it so someone else gets it to keep it as a nature preserve?
Sigh, details, details.....
It's as hard as YOU make it. The majority of my estate is in fact destined for TNC. It wasn't hard to arrange at all. One phone call helped me compose wording that would direct the bequest where I wanted it to go. It's included in the text of the will, but there's an explanatory letter kept on file with the will just in case. The letter consists of one brief paragraph.
It is simply impossible to control everything you might want so you need to pick your battles and come to peace with the rest.
If some recipient of your bequest ends up not doing exactly what you wanted with the proceeds of your money 20 years down the line, what are you going to do from beyond the grave? Haunt their office?
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-13-2024 at 05:30 PM..
If I didn't have siblings and their children then I would likely spend what I want on myself then make sure my arrangements are already paid for before I die. Then ask the funeral home/director if they would pick out my clothing and pets to be buried or cremated with me.
Maybe you could look into that or you could ask a trusted friend, even a neighbor you trust. Some people leave everything to their caregiver and rely on them to carry out any arrangements but have them paid for in advance so it's easier for the funeral director. There is a lot that has to be done that a beneficiary needs to do. With our without one it's probably best to have legal papers completed, burial plot picked out and all that other stuff as well as legal documents for hospitals, doctors too. Don't want to risk being a vegetable for who knows how long without anything to let the Doctors know what you would have wanted.
You can have your will recorded at the court house for a fee. That way theres no questions.
I went to the courthouse in search of my will; they said they don't keep copies anymore. Stopped in 2007. No one mentioned a fee option.
Regarding blowing it all, that wouldn't come naturally to me, but I could probably get used to it. I don't wish to keep it for my care in old age; with any luck, I won't live that long, but if I do, experience has convinced me that the expensive places aren't much better than the cheap ones paid by Medicaid. It all sucks! I'd rather have fun with it while I'm still young...
Also, I've already pre-paid for my arrangements (direct cremation).
What exactly is a "trust company," and where would I find one? Do you mean the "Trust" part of a "Savings and Trust" bank???
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No one mentioned a fee option.
