Growing Old All Alone (weather, move, engage, accidents)
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I just want to mention that saying "Medicaid helps those who need it" seems much too simplistic to me.
It just isn't always simplistic or easy to acquire Medicaid or other subsidized programs - and in all states. There are many qualifying parameters and guidelines one must usually meet.
And also there are often long waiting lists for subsidized housing under various programs.
And Medicaid does not (nor does Medicare) pay for what are known as Assisted Living dwellings.
Actually, this has begun to change because AL is so much less expensive than full nursing facilities.
I'm sure your husband feels loved and appreciated.
Maybe you could familiarize yourself with the available senior services now, in case he has to be hospitalized for a while? Transportation, food deliveries, etc.? You can't be the only housebound senior in your area. It would be great if the kids helped but best if there's a backup plan.
In some areas, the senior services people are called Council on Aging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53
Depending on where you live, so many things can be delivered to your home.
If you are concerned start looking into this now.
And if the kids and grandkids have "blood related" parents and grandparents in their lives - be prepared to see less of them.
Doing this now - making arrangements - might help you stop worrying.
Unfortunately, I'm in a small town and there aren't a lot of services YET! I'm sure more services will come available in the coming years. I know there are some senior services as well as services for the blind (I have used this in the past before Hubby came into my life). The grocery store is just down the road-less than a half mile and I could walk if need be. I'm not going to start making arrangements because I'm hoping that it will be a LONG time before I need them and there may be new ones available by that time.
I do go through my head which grandkid will still be in my life. I'm sure some-if not most of them will be-but one I can guess won't be if she can avoid it. She is like that right now with both of us. Though she may-probably for $$.
Oh, and nothing I can do will stop me from worrying. I worry about EVERYTHING! Worry is my middle name.
As I have learned I think it is very important that seniors live in a populated area. I live 20 miles out of a major city and I moved to this town that I thought had services... I had no idea it was so backward. I think everything is more available in a major city.
Everyone talks about getting elderly out and not be isolated. As if that means they will get any help from these single serving people they might meet. Elderly people don't need "frivolous conversation" they need people that will show up and help out when necessary or presumably live with the elder. That is not so easy to find even for people under 60.
Every woman my age I've talked to about the possibility of losing their spouse has told me with some vehemence they would never get married again.
No offense, guys, but if you are terrified of being alone seriously consider reassessing your dynamic with your wife. It could be you depend on her way too much. While she may not complain about it to you, it can be an undue burden that prevents her from enjoying her life to the fullest.
Sorry but I think this is nonsense. While the pattern you mentioned is clear that hardly means most women would prefer to be alone. As for me I have the most wonderful wife I could ever hope for which is why I can't see ever getting married again.
That does not mean I am dependent on her in any way, to be honest I could do everything she can do around here but the reverse it not true. So no it has nothing to do with being dependent on our wives for many of us. The thought of coming home to an empty house, being alone with nobody to share your day to day life with, and the thought of not having a spouse to care for me as I age is a legit concern and I won't apologize for having this feeling.
This exact thing happened to my father after my mom died. They were high school sweethearts married for 50 years. At a memorial service we had, one of their classmates showed up (I had never heard her name ever mentioned and don’t remember her ever coming to their house when mom was alive) and made her intentions clear. She aggressively pursued more from my dad for about 6 months before giving up. He lived 5 more years without dating again. Right after mom died he talked like he wanted to partner again (with anyone but the woman I mentioned) but never did.
Hitting on the husband at his wife's funeral? That's disgusting.
Hitting on the husband at his wife's funeral? That's disgusting.
That is one step better than hitting on the husband whose wife is still alive. I have seen that happen frequently.
I have very swollen fingers due to arthritis and have not tried to wear my wedding ring in years. When the hit starts, my wife has learned to close in quickly before the situation gets out of hand. I am sure there are plenty of widows who are not interested in remarrying or even in male companionship but there are plenty of others who are.
This is a huge worry of mine. I am 60 my wife is 62 and not nearly as healthy as I am. Nothing terminal but she just is one of those people so the thought of losing her before I go is very real. And I'm terrified at the options.
If it's any consolation, the being terrified of being alone, is much much worse than the actual being alone.
Hitting on the husband at his wife's funeral? That's disgusting.
It wasn’t the funeral. She didn’t have one. About a month after she died we had a celebration of life type gathering at dad’s house where people came from all over.
Money can assist with many of these concerns, depending on where you live. I am an active 63-year-old, but it is possible I might need foot surgery down the road which would put me out of commission for weeks, if not months. I have no family nearby. Fortunately, I live in an area where I could get multiple grocery stores and restaurants to deliver. I am a short uber or special transport ride from health services. I have a handyman I could call upon to assist with any needs that should arise from the house and I already use a lawn service. Who wants to be calling on friends to help with all of this? It is an unreasonable imposition I wouldn't even dream of making. Money buys the assistance you need and helps you keep your friends.
I'm female, 66, in a similar situation. I do my own housecleaning and yardwork but hire out handyman work. I won't do anything on a high ladder unless someone's visiting- no one to call 911 if I fall! When I look back at my life I shared a bedroom with my sister till I went away to college and for the most part had somebody around from ages 26-63: living together, marriage, motherhood, divorce, then remarriage when DS went off to college.
So now I'm alone. I love my house, I'm answerable to no one as long as I pay my bills and mow the lawn, I make my own schedule, I control the TV remote. The scary financial scenario of one person in LTC and one in the home is not something I have to plan for. I'm dating a very nice guy and neither of us is interested in remarriage.
My plan is an Assisted Living Facility near DS and DDIL if I need it. I get out enough now to make me happy and can't imagine a scenario where I'm housebound with groceries being delivered and caregivers coming in and out.
I don't think the urge to remarry or find a companion is mostly a male or female trait; some women find a guy out of financial necessity, some men want a caregiver, some people are just more extraverted and need "someone".
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