Growing Old All Alone (55, divorce, divorced, acquaintance)

[thrillobyte]

I hope this hasn't been dealt with before:

Is anybody 70 or older in a position where they have no spouse/SO, friends or family and are growing old alone without any prospects for this regrettable situation changing?

I do have a wonderful spouse, but no family or friends I could rely on if something were to happen to my spouse. I cannot imagine living alone having to rely on just myself to get the things accomplished that I need to, given my health and physical limitations.

Thoughts?

[Coney]

Any of these problems can be solved with enough $$.

[matisse12]

It always seems impossible to live without one's spouse - one can never conceive of it, at any age really, when one actively has a spouse, and particularly a very valued one - it seems impossible to picture life without the person - but then when the spouse is no longer present, one finds that it is, indeed, possible to live without the person, and one has capabilities and strengths and adaptability.

And yes, for tasks, there are handymen and home aides.

[Harpaint]

That's what senior living facilities are for. Even people with spouses and friends often need more assistance than the spouses and friends can handle. Medicaid helps those who need it.

[StealthRabbit]

I have a few friends who have outlived their spouses by 40+ yrs. (and stayed in their homes)
But it only took my FIL about 2 months to be 'remarried'. (With care needs). Bad match-up...

My neighbor just remarried her 3rd husband (#1 and #2 each needed care and later died)

But... there are options (Many in some areas)
Contact senior services in your desired location.

I / we plan to be in a senior housing co-op before we need your type of care / needs.

Penney Farms CCRC (since 1927) was pretty impressive (if I could handle muggy FL).
History NEW – Penney Retirement Community

We met a lot of people (new and old residents), the place really had a 'servant' heart and so caring and many opportunities to assist and be assisted. (one of thousands of such places).

Mennonite Villages have been impressive too, but not nearly the 'community' engagement as Penney Farms.

I also visited uplandsvillage.com (Crossville, TN (central_))
and several in CA.

Here is another option.
Housing List – Senior Cooperative Foundation

This place is nice too.
https://becketwood.com/

whoops... another option that I learned from being a caregiver for disabled parent for 32 yrs...
ALWAYS have 2 separate living spaces at your home.
a) Future caregiver
b) Boomerang adult kids
c) Guests (long term)
d) Recovering Spouse (Extended illness needing assistance)
e) Needy parents (My case)
f) A small place for you, if your caregiver / family needs your BIG space.
g) Cost or 'equity' sharing room-mate. (Equity sharing is becoming more popular with retirees)

It is possible to find / house an immigrant family who is trying to integrate into community and can care well for your needs (including medical).

A farmer neighbor at our last house, bought a small house across the street for a Vietnamese family to help him with his farm as he aged. Worked out terrific for all, they were very caring for him and his ill spouse. (Including rides, meals, cleaning, farming, mowing, lawncare, repairs and plenty of outside help) All for free (reduced rents).

[marino760]

Much of this depends on one's attitude. If you think being alone is the same as being sentenced to a horrible life, then you're going to be miserable. There are resources out there available to help. Many towns and cities have programs available to help seniors age in place including senior centers which provide rides to doctors, meals delivered to your home when needed and other important things. Many communities provide free or very inexpensive public transportation for seniors.
You can hire someone to come over once a week for a few hours to help with household chores, like laundry and basic housekeeping. My great Aunt did this until she was in her early 90s and was quite happy and independent.

[Arya Stark]

Originally Posted by marino760

You can hire someone to come over once a week for a few hours to help with household chores, like laundry and basic housekeeping. My great Aunt did this until she was in her early 90s and was quite happy and independent.

It depends on the state but some states have programs for visiting nurses, and errand runners, to come once per week on medicaid. It is thought that it is better to pay for these relatively simple services than pay for a nursing home. If you have an "elder authority" they usually have the information.

My parents went to the end with these services and stayed in the home. Having the nurse visits caught things before they got too serious.

They also got one of those lifeline systems via this program that went off if they fell. Also once per day it would send a signal that you had to turn off and if you didn't they would send the police out.

[nicet4]

If I lost my wife I would pathetically look for another because I can't imagine the pain of living alone. Pathetic because I know I can never find what I have but I would look anyway.

Probably not get married because we wouldn't want to cloud things for our children but just live together in sin. At 71 who would care unless we have children together?

[organic_donna]

Originally Posted by nicet4

If I lost my wife I would pathetically look for another because I can't imagine the pain of living alone. Pathetic because I know I can never find what I have but I would look anyway.

Probably not get married because we wouldn't want to cloud things for our children but just live together in sin. At 71 who would care unless we have children together?

You can’t imagine the pain of living alone? I was married for 10 years, and have been divorced since 1997. I have no interest in having a spouse. I love living alone and wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t imagine the pain of being married.

[jrkliny]

My wife and I take over 55 classes at the local University. Two thirds of those attending classes are women who have lost their husbands. Some have kids or relatives often a long way away. Many have no one else in their lives except the acquaintances they meet taking classes.

Lots of the women openly talk about wanting to find a partner and/or get married again. That is not going to happen because they outnumber the men two or three to one and many of the men are not looking to remarry. When it comes to health issues the situation can be really bad. It is pretty hard to live alone and have a procedure like a knee replacement. The knee replacement factories need to get the patients out of rehab and out the door as soon as possible.

The holidays are especially tough on those who live alone. We were going to stop by and take some cookies to one acquaintance near us who lives alone. That was cancelled. I am pretty sure she was depressed and drinking and did not want us to show up. Another of our friends in this situation but we could not manage the nearly 2 hour round trip that a visit would have taken.

Assisted living is one solution, but many cannot afford it or the opportunity is just not available in the area. Many decide trying to get by on their own is a better option.