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Everybody who says "money buys services" is spot on. However, there is always the matter of payment. Many widows/divorcees wind up with significantly reduced income from SS.
A couple million in ife insurance solves that problem.
In our retirement community I see many examples of caring, committed couples, the very opposite of what some have alluded to here. One kind soul recently lost his wife of 60 years after a decade of caring for her in his home. A true man in the fullest sense of the word.
Agreed.
I'm not seeing this epidemic of helpless senior men alluded to here needing to be project managed by their wives. Very odd take IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RationalExpectations
Well-said - but in the modern era, I think both genders should aspire to those heights.
If something happened to me, I'd want my wife to be equipped to handle as much as possible. It does no good to be so coddled that you can't manage your own affairs.
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 12-27-2019 at 09:00 AM..
For Fluffy to claim that the reason we are afraid of being alone is a result of our wives being asked to to do the majority of the work around the home is unfair and in our case not true.
That's not what I said at all, but hey, you go on being you.
There are a couple-three men in this forum who react like scalded pups when I make a general statement. They seem to think I'm talking about them. It's getting out of hand. If something doesn't apply to you, don't respond. Simple.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 12-27-2019 at 09:25 AM..
No, but you can buy survival and comfort. This thread isn't about having "real" relationships.
Actually it's about both, because you really can't have just survival and comfort without love and affection. That's just existing. For some life-long singles that's perfectly fine. But for many of us who love the intimate chatter of a long relationship that is priceless.
As to being devastated after losing a loved one... that is understandable. But the OP's fear is about not being able to take care of him/herself. I find that ridiculous. We are elder adults. We should be able to take care of ourselves by this age, whether we do everything ourselves or hire people to help, or make use of social services like senior transportation, etc.
I definitely did not explain myself very well in my OP. That deserves an apology. My context was the loss of both, but I just focused on the practical end of it, not the intimate.
This isn't a gender issue, it's the reality for a lot of seniors, male and female. How people deal with aging alone after a spouse or partner is no longer in the picture depends on how willing they are to make changes in their lives to adapt to the new normal. Some are better at adapting than others.
I love what Matisse12 wrote because it's so true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
It always seems impossible to live without one's spouse - one can never conceive of it, at any age really, when one actively has a spouse, and particularly a very valued one - it seems impossible to picture life without the person - but then when the spouse is no longer present, one finds that it is, indeed, possible to live without the person, and one has capabilities and strengths and adaptability.
How we think we'll act if we find ourselves alone is often quite different from reality. At the very least, if one goes into aging alone with a positive attitude and accepts it as a challenge they can overcome, they're probably going to be better off than the person who spends their time wishing things were the way they use to be.
Fortunately, I have discovered the fountain of youth and don't need to worry about growing old. The product is available for $9.99 plus tax and shipping. But wait, if you act now you can get two bottles of the magic elixir, just pay separate shipping and handling.
This is sadly not as easy as it sounds. How do you find these people?
This has been one of the hardest parts of being truly alone. I don't want to advertise myself as an old lady living alone in a rural area with a possible stash of cash. Most workman/handymen in my area expect to be paid in cash. It doesn't take long for anyone who comes around a few times to realize that I am truly alone.... about the same amount of time it takes for me to realize that I have hired some one who has questionable personal habits and does substandard work.
I moved to a rural area intentionally for peace and privacy. Three or four years in, I have developed some nerve damage in my extremities. I'm in my 70s. The things I enjoyed so much, working in the yard, especially raking leaves, may be behind me if I want to remain functional. Driving any distance poses a problem. I own my home but realize I may have to move back to town and apartment living. I would almost rather take my chances here alone than to face moving again, but any illness makes me question this decision because I find myself dwelling on worst case scenarios which I never use to do.
Housekeeping to my own standards has become difficult.
On the other hand, I would rather be dead than dependent on a relative like our young retirement forum poster with his family problems.
My own children are far away in distance and connection. I've always been independent and they don't have a clue what I have become. Thank goodness.
My last husband died 12 years ago. He would never have lived in the country. He could fix anything. I cooked and cleaned and gardened. We both worked. I didn't miss his contribution to our partnership so much in the past but I find myself thinking now "Dave could have fixed that" although, as he was 10+ years my senior and in bad health, its doubtful.
There are transportation services available in my area. I won't go hungry. Most business can be handled online. But when the electricity is off, I have to stay calm. Its not as easy as it use to be.
then you need to move to a more urban environment.
And this thing about your kids not knowing your circumstances - why? I've run into seniors that have that same feeling - I don't understand. Especially some are the ones that tell me I don't know anything about kids since i don't have any. And they would do anything for their kids. But yet - keep their kids at arms length?
And this thing about your kids not knowing your circumstances - why? I've run into seniors that have that same feeling - I don't understand. Especially some are the ones that tell me I don't know anything about kids since i don't have any. And they would do anything for their kids. But yet - keep their kids at arms length?
Maybe because those seniors don't want to become a "project" to be "managed"?
Retaining one's autonomy in the face of well-meaning but mistaken family is a real issue for some these days. Then there are the would-be heirs who want to manage you out of your house and right into a nursing home. I expect my sister's spawn will be in that number since I'm childless.
No idea if any of that is what newcomputer is referring to, though.
I moved to a rural area intentionally for peace and privacy. Three or four years in, I have developed some nerve damage in my extremities. I'm in my 70s. The things I enjoyed so much, working in the yard, especially raking leaves, may be behind me if I want to remain functional. Driving any distance poses a problem. I own my home but realize I may have to move back to town and apartment living. I would almost rather take my chances here alone than to face moving again, but any illness makes me question this decision because I find myself dwelling on worst case scenarios which I never use to do..
And me, I did just the opposite. I did my rural living for the past 25 years. Told myself at 60 I would sell and move back to the city. At 60 I still felt good so decided to go another year. At 61 I felt myself slowing down and decided it was time.
I now own a condo in a city where everything is 10-20 minutes away by car and all local driving.
I loved the rural life but it's a physical one for sure. My girlfriend back in Texas is now feeling it. She turned 65 and is also considering selling and moving back to town.
Know when to throw in the towel and then appreciate that you had the chance to live your dream however short it may be.
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