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My wife has long time friend she had to "ignore." The friend developed an incurable disease which will eventually kill her. Wanting to be supportive, my wife initially spent a lot of time with her. But she kept bringing up suicide. My wife suffers from pretty bad anxiety and just couldn't handle it. So, she got to the point where she stopped returning her calls and texts. There is a lot more to the story but it is just sad all the way around.
I have given my daughter this piece of advice, amongst many others of various reasons both good and bad...
"Sometimes we have to remove someone from our life in order to move forward with our life, even if only temporarily".
With that statement, there is still something to be said about disagreeing with someone and still respecting and even loving them. You can be right wing or left, different religion or even atheist, young and naïve or old and experienced, educated or learned by life... as long as you mean no harm to anyone else.
One of the problems we have in these more modern times has been the effects on society by social media. People are so much more likely to tell you their every thought and opinion while damning you because of yours. We all feel so much more brave from behind our keyboards than face-to-face because there aren't any real consequences. Anonymity creates "beer muscles" that we may never have in public.
I hate to sound dated (I'm in my 60's), but I miss the old days before social media. We got to know about each other while also learning tolerance and understanding of others experiences. Sadly (at least to me) those days will never return.
I miss those days, too, and I'm only 37. There's a reason I haven't logged onto Facebook for ten months now
One of the problems we have in these more modern times has been the effects on society by social media. People are so much more likely to tell you their every thought and opinion while damning you because of yours. We all feel so much more brave from behind our keyboards than face-to-face because there aren't any real consequences. Anonymity creates "beer muscles" that we may never have in public.
I hate to sound dated (I'm in my 60's), but I miss the old days before social media. We got to know about each other while also learning tolerance and understanding of others experiences. Sadly (at least to me) those days will never return.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Marcinkiewicz
I miss those days, too, and I'm only 37. There's a reason I haven't logged onto Facebook for ten months now
The supposedly "smart" phones have definitely changed things. However, put it down and get out the door.
There are still plenty of people out there that you can talk to face-to-face. Maybe we are outliers, but I get together with a fantastic group of people I have met over the years. In fact, after one get together, my friend remarked that liberals and conservatives could discuss and argue issues without anyone going ballistic.
The supposedly "smart" phones have definitely changed things. However, put it down and get out the door.
There are still plenty of people out there that you can talk to face-to-face. Maybe we are outliers, but I get together with a fantastic group of people I have met over the years. In fact, after one get together, my friend remarked that liberals and conservatives could discuss and argue issues without anyone going ballistic.
There are real people out there still.
I enjoy going to the supermarket, smaller ethnic markets, Walmart, Target, Home Depot, beer distributor, etc. I won't even place my sports bets online, I go to the nearby casino. I find handling cash to be more enjoyable.
Of course, I do all of this on early weekend mornings to avoid the crowds.
OP, are you talking about going no contact with certain people?
I did that once for ten years with my family, except for one brother who supported me and kept me up to date with the family. I was ashamed to admit that my father punched my buttons and I had no idea how to deal with him. I decided to keep my buttons as far away as i could from him and went no contact. I later found out I had probably done the healthiest thing I could do for my mental health at the time.
When I re-established contact, I was much more mature and able to stand up for myself. I looked forward to telling him to go to hell, but then I found out he was dying and I just felt sorry for him. He never made the effort to talk to me when I called, so he died without us ever having another conversation. That didn't really affect me, but like I said, I felt so sorry for him. He could have had a nice relationship with his daughter but apparently he just didn't want to. His problem, not mine.
Meantime, I've now gone no contact with my brother who became a Tea Partier. At a time in 2008 when I was without a job and on food stamps and unemployment, he would tell me how worthless I was to society and and how I was just being lazy. I was on the phone with him and hung up with him in mid-rant. I have since sent him a letter saying I was more than happy to re-connect but that I wouldn't be disrespected. I haven't heard back. I'm not all that upset. It's just that I remember the good times we used to have when he would visit, but you know, if that's the way it is then that's the way it is. I'm here ready to talk to him if he should ever want to, but I'm not going to chase after him. I have my own life and that's enough.
Agreed. Nothing about that response or the previous ones makes any sense.
If I'm slow fading out of someone's life (and this really is sort of a 'last resort' sort of thing I'd only consider doing with someone I was never super close to) that means they don't get to sneak back in. It's not their choice. They don't get return calls or texts and I'll just block their number if need be. It never ever has come to that because even the 'worst' person I've faded from isn't a lunatic psycho who would try to jimmy his way back in.
The thing is though, is if it were me, I wouldn’t try to call or text. I’d try to join a club you’re in or something a year later and / or try and find a natural way to engineer to befriend one or more of your close friends or family members. It would be completely planned out in a way that feels so natural and really hard to catch on to.
There was one time many years ago, a girl tried to do a slow fade on me. A year later, she started dating someone. I found out by sneaking on a mutual friend’s wedding website and seeing they were invited together. It was still confidential and not public and they weren’t even official yet. This is a girl that asked me not to call or text her; I respected that boundary! However, she didn’t say anything about if she dates a future guy that I cannot call or text him. When I knew they were talking, I made an attempt to befriend this new guy, but NOT in a way they could catch on. We had a lot of mutual Facebook friends so I first friended him. He accepted as there were 60 mutual friends. Then I found he was interested in soccer, so I started making posts about his team generally on my page, with the hopes that he would comment. Keep in mind they were still only talking at this point and weren’t even boyfriend / girlfriend yet. We started to engage in soccer conversations, and then started messaging / getting deeper about personal life. A few months later, the girl and guy became official boyfriend / girlfriend! I was taking the friendship very slowly with him and trying my best not to give any indication that there was any pre-planning. And that was almost a year after the incident with the girl, so I’m not on her mind, and she likely forgot about me (not literally but didn’t think about me anymore, because I left her alone and went no contact). After a while, the guy and I got closer, and so did the girl and him as they were dating. Then later, the girl befriended me on social media again and we started a new friendship from scratch!
See how sneaky and clever this was? This was completely all pre-planned, but would you really catch onto something like that? Especially if the appropriate timing left between events was enough, and I never tried to directly reach out to you again unless you did first.
The main point I’m trying to make, is no matter how hard you try to build walls, there are always LOOPHOLES and ways around the walls. Have you ever heard the saying: “There are always more ways around the walls then there are walls”?
The thing is though, is if it were me, I wouldn’t try to call or text. I’d try to join a club you’re in or something a year later and / or try and find a natural way to engineer to befriend one or more of your close friends or family members. It would be completely planned out in a way that feels so natural and really hard to catch on to.
There was one time many years ago, a girl tried to do a slow fade on me. A year later, she started dating someone. I found out by sneaking on a mutual friend’s wedding website and seeing they were invited together. It was still confidential and not public and they weren’t even official yet. This is a girl that asked me not to call or text her; I respected that boundary! However, she didn’t say anything about if she dates a future guy that I cannot call or text him. When I knew they were talking, I made an attempt to befriend this new guy, but NOT in a way they could catch on. We had a lot of mutual Facebook friends so I first friended him. He accepted as there were 60 mutual friends. Then I found he was interested in soccer, so I started making posts about his team generally on my page, with the hopes that he would comment. Keep in mind they were still only talking at this point and weren’t even boyfriend / girlfriend yet. We started to engage in soccer conversations, and then started messaging / getting deeper about personal life. A few months later, the girl and guy became official boyfriend / girlfriend! I was taking the friendship very slowly with him and trying my best not to give any indication that there was any pre-planning. And that was almost a year after the incident with the girl, so I’m not on her mind, and she likely forgot about me (not literally but didn’t think about me anymore, because I left her alone and went no contact). After a while, the guy and I got closer, and so did the girl and him as they were dating. Then later, the girl befriended me on social media again and we started a new friendship from scratch!
See how sneaky and clever this was? This was completely all pre-planned, but would you really catch onto something like that? Especially if the appropriate timing left between events was enough, and I never tried to directly reach out to you again unless you did first.
The main point I’m trying to make, is no matter how hard you try to build walls, there are always LOOPHOLES and ways around the walls. Have you ever heard the saying: “There are always more ways around the walls then there are walls”?
Not if you’re very tactical! I’ve successfully done it loads of times actually!
That's only proof the people you associate with are idiots.
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