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Even well meaning people gaslight because they don’t want to rock the boat . I won’t argue your situation since I have no knowledge or right to presume anything. My life experience has been that claims of someone being sensitive when they have clearly stated a legitimate concern is gaslighting.
I see.
I also want to clarify my previous statements (and then hopefully I'll let it drop so as not to bore everyone). When I say "sensitive," I'm not just referring to having your feelings easily hurt or something like that. I'm also talking about actual sensory input, I guess you'd call it? Where you are using your senses, like just paying attention, being observant and aware. Even "sixth sense"-type feelings. Things like that.
Some people just give me a feeling that I don't want to be around them and I'd like to be able to put them on ignore, to get back on topic.
************************************************** ********************
sensitive
1 of 2
adjective
sen·si·tive ˈsen(t)-sə-tiv ˈsen(t)s-təv
Synonyms of sensitive
1
: SENSORY sense 2
2
a
: receptive to sense impressions
b
: capable of being stimulated or excited by external agents (such as light, gravity, or contact)
sensitive cells
3
: highly responsive or susceptible: such as
a
(1)
: easily hurt or damaged
especially : easily hurt emotionally
(2)
: delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others
Why are people ignoring you or cutting you out of their lives so often? Every two/three years is a lot. Or are these just relationships/friendships that just naturally fade away? (We all have those)
I've had people screw me or my family over and I experience schadenfreude, but I'm not wasting my time and energy trying to 'get' them. I mean, I guess if I had the opportunity ... but ignoring works for me. People don't like being ignored.
I've never wanted to 'get back' at anybody where the relationship just faded away. Heck, I'm still friendly and talk often with an ex-fiancee who dumped me 25 years ago. Dad was right - she did me a favor. lol
Very good question man!
Honestly I do not know 100%, but I think it is mainly due to my family and I's progressive views of friendships / relationships in life, misunderstandings, and often not always conforming to social norms and challenging them.
In other words, My family and I have some very progressive views of forming friendships and building relationships, that are often not very common here in the USA, and most average people would probably look at as weird / be uncomfortable by it.
In general, we believe in seeking out people that we seem to click with and enjoy to be friends with and intentionally making it happen. Like going out of our way to schedule intentional time and get together with them, even if we do not naturally see them on a regular basis. Some people LOVE our intentionality and our ways, but at the same time, others get quite uncomfortable by it.
We believe that friendships and the people we surround ourselves with often define who we are and our personality and often our views of life. Therefore, we feel that because friendship is so meaningful and defining of lives, why shouldn't we make it more of a priority and go out of our ways to try and manifest the people we want in our lives. Yes this often includes taking the people that surround us into consideration when deciding where to live, what jobs to take, what clubs to join, etc. Obviously we would not do things for the sake of only being around people we like, but the people these things involve being around definitely plays a huge determining factor in our life decision making. It is to my understanding that in American Culture, that is really uncommon unless it's immediate family or a significant other.
Unfortunately some people look at us, likely not knowing our true intentions and views, and could easily say that we are obsessive, have a disregard for boundaries, etc. None of that is true, our boundaries and the way we just view things is DIFFERENT. A lot more like maybe the culture you'd find in places like Argentina, Italy, Eastern Europe, and parts of the Middle East like: Morocco, Lebanon, and Egypt. We just tend to hold people way closer to us than the average American, and are a lot more intense about our relationships than most Americans.
One thing I could honesty admit that my family and I do have a disregard for at times is Social Norms / Cultural Norms. And the reason for that is because we do not agree with some of them. The amount of people that just do what they're told and do not question anything is insane in this country, and plenty of other countries as well.
In the simplest words, our family loves boundaries and thinks that they're important; but we do NOT have as much respect for social norms or social barriers. If people directly state what they're comfortable with, we will happily respect boundaries. We tend to be a lot more intentional in trying to manifest friendships and build relationships with people, rather than just see what happens with the people we come into contact with regularly. Unfortunately, it does make some people quite uncomfortable here in the US. We also tend to be a bit more targeted in people we approach for friendships, rather than just look for friends anywhere in general.
I could probably say that our family likes to pursue friendships in a somewhat more similar way that most Americans might try to pursue a romantic relationship, but still not quite the same, and definitely not as intense as that.
Does that make any sense to you at all?
I would like to say that our hope is us as a family can be influential in the future and really try and promote these more progressive ideas of making friends and that over an extended period of time, people will find it less uncomfortable and see it as more of a norm.
I had a friend roughly 15 years ago that I ultimately "put on ignore." He was what I like to call a "perpetual victim." Bad things kept happening to him and they were always somebody else's fault. And most conversations devolved into him griping about how unfair it all was. He lost a lot of other friends too, as he felt it necessary to regularly lecture others about how the world was supposed to work. Among his typical mindsets was the notion that if you did something for a good reason -- no matter how crazy it was -- it should be considered acceptable behavior.
For a while after I stopped responding to him, I'd get occasional messages on social media asking what was wrong, which I ignored. Eventually he moved out of state and clearly got the hint that I wasn't intending to remain in touch.
Honestly I do not know 100%, but I think it is mainly due to my family and I's progressive views of friendships / relationships in life, misunderstandings, and often not always conforming to social norms and challenging them.
In other words, My family and I have some very progressive views of forming friendships and building relationships, that are often not very common here in the USA, and most average people would probably look at as weird / be uncomfortable by it.
In general, we believe in seeking out people that we seem to click with and enjoy to be friends with and intentionally making it happen. Like going out of our way to schedule intentional time and get together with them, even if we do not naturally see them on a regular basis. Some people LOVE our intentionality and our ways, but at the same time, others get quite uncomfortable by it.
We believe that friendships and the people we surround ourselves with often define who we are and our personality and often our views of life. Therefore, we feel that because friendship is so meaningful and defining of lives, why shouldn't we make it more of a priority and go out of our ways to try and manifest the people we want in our lives. Yes this often includes taking the people that surround us into consideration when deciding where to live, what jobs to take, what clubs to join, etc. Obviously we would not do things for the sake of only being around people we like, but the people these things involve being around definitely plays a huge determining factor in our life decision making. It is to my understanding that in American Culture, that is really uncommon unless it's immediate family or a significant other.
Unfortunately some people look at us, likely not knowing our true intentions and views, and could easily say that we are obsessive, have a disregard for boundaries, etc. None of that is true, our boundaries and the way we just view things is DIFFERENT. A lot more like maybe the culture you'd find in places like Argentina, Italy, Eastern Europe, and parts of the Middle East like: Morocco, Lebanon, and Egypt. We just tend to hold people way closer to us than the average American, and are a lot more intense about our relationships than most Americans.
One thing I could honesty admit that my family and I do have a disregard for at times is Social Norms / Cultural Norms. And the reason for that is because we do not agree with some of them. The amount of people that just do what they're told and do not question anything is insane in this country, and plenty of other countries as well.
In the simplest words, our family loves boundaries and thinks that they're important; but we do NOT have as much respect for social norms or social barriers. If people directly state what they're comfortable with, we will happily respect boundaries. We tend to be a lot more intentional in trying to manifest friendships and build relationships with people, rather than just see what happens with the people we come into contact with regularly. Unfortunately, it does make some people quite uncomfortable here in the US. We also tend to be a bit more targeted in people we approach for friendships, rather than just look for friends anywhere in general.
I could probably say that our family likes to pursue friendships in a somewhat more similar way that most Americans might try to pursue a romantic relationship, but still not quite the same, and definitely not as intense as that.
Does that make any sense to you at all?
I would like to say that our hope is us as a family can be influential in the future and really try and promote these more progressive ideas of making friends and that over an extended period of time, people will find it less uncomfortable and see it as more of a norm.
How does all this reconcile with your previous post about being sneaky and devious, infiltrating and tweaking people who you don't jibe with?
Seems like a 180.
Honestly I do not know 100%, but I think it is mainly due to my family and I's progressive views of friendships / relationships in life, misunderstandings, and often not always conforming to social norms and challenging them.
In other words, My family and I have some very progressive views of forming friendships and building relationships, that are often not very common here in the USA, and most average people would probably look at as weird / be uncomfortable by it.
In general, we believe in seeking out people that we seem to click with and enjoy to be friends with and intentionally making it happen. Like going out of our way to schedule intentional time and get together with them, even if we do not naturally see them on a regular basis. Some people LOVE our intentionality and our ways, but at the same time, others get quite uncomfortable by it.
We believe that friendships and the people we surround ourselves with often define who we are and our personality and often our views of life. Therefore, we feel that because friendship is so meaningful and defining of lives, why shouldn't we make it more of a priority and go out of our ways to try and manifest the people we want in our lives. Yes this often includes taking the people that surround us into consideration when deciding where to live, what jobs to take, what clubs to join, etc. Obviously we would not do things for the sake of only being around people we like, but the people these things involve being around definitely plays a huge determining factor in our life decision making. It is to my understanding that in American Culture, that is really uncommon unless it's immediate family or a significant other.
Unfortunately some people look at us, likely not knowing our true intentions and views, and could easily say that we are obsessive, have a disregard for boundaries, etc. None of that is true, our boundaries and the way we just view things is DIFFERENT. A lot more like maybe the culture you'd find in places like Argentina, Italy, Eastern Europe, and parts of the Middle East like: Morocco, Lebanon, and Egypt. We just tend to hold people way closer to us than the average American, and are a lot more intense about our relationships than most Americans.
One thing I could honesty admit that my family and I do have a disregard for at times is Social Norms / Cultural Norms. And the reason for that is because we do not agree with some of them. The amount of people that just do what they're told and do not question anything is insane in this country, and plenty of other countries as well.
In the simplest words, our family loves boundaries and thinks that they're important; but we do NOT have as much respect for social norms or social barriers. If people directly state what they're comfortable with, we will happily respect boundaries. We tend to be a lot more intentional in trying to manifest friendships and build relationships with people, rather than just see what happens with the people we come into contact with regularly. Unfortunately, it does make some people quite uncomfortable here in the US. We also tend to be a bit more targeted in people we approach for friendships, rather than just look for friends anywhere in general.
I could probably say that our family likes to pursue friendships in a somewhat more similar way that most Americans might try to pursue a romantic relationship, but still not quite the same, and definitely not as intense as that.
Does that make any sense to you at all?
I would like to say that our hope is us as a family can be influential in the future and really try and promote these more progressive ideas of making friends and that over an extended period of time, people will find it less uncomfortable and see it as more of a norm.
Sounds to me like it's a way of getting close to people that can benefit you financially or improve your status.
Sounds to me like it's a way of getting close to people that can benefit you financially or improve your status.
It sounds really contrived and overly elaborate to me.
Back to the original topic. I know it's not cool sometimes, but I employ the 'slow fade' when I find myself losing connection/attraction to someone.
As I mentioned before, I also gray rock people who are particularly problematic to me personally. Just give them the bare, unemotional, un-engaged minimum.
I have four neighbors who I stopped acknowledging after realizing our interactions were usually negative and left me feeling worse off.
One was a betrayal and the others are just people who can't help but look for trouble by delivering smart*ss comments. I knew these neighbors for decades, then one day it just dawned on me that I don't need to bother with them and I don't need to listen to their nonsense. I'm better off without them.
Recently, one tried being friendly to me and I just waved him off 'no.' He's shown me what he's about.
I have three long time coworkers who I had to 'put on ignore' over the last few years, too. The days are much nicer.
Two uncles who did my parents 'dirty, are also dead to me. Didn't stop them from approaching me at family functions, though.
After what they did, why would they think I'd be friendly with them?
I have four neighbors who I stopped acknowledging after realizing our interactions were usually negative and left me feeling worse off.
One was a betrayal and the others are just people who can't help but look for trouble by delivering smart*ss comments. I knew these neighbors for decades, then one day it just dawned on me that I don't need to bother with them and I don't need to listen to their nonsense. I'm better off without them.
I'll admit I'm curious about what neighbors could do that would rise to the level of a betrayal, and smart-a** comments that would warrant a response like that. Truly just curious. Even the neighbor I'm least fond of gets a generic wave/hello. It's no sweat and doesn't imply anything else.
I'll admit I'm curious about what neighbors could do that would rise to the level of a betrayal, and smart-a** comments that would warrant a response like that. Truly just curious. Even the neighbor I'm least fond of gets a generic wave/hello. It's no sweat and doesn't imply anything else.
I'll share details later, but let's just say when I 'put people on ignore,' it's my way of saying 'the likes of you isn't worth my time.' That's the non-profane version, I'm sure you can figure out what I'm really saying. lol
The thing is, I don't hate them or get uptight when I'm near them, they don't annoy me, etc ... It's like walking by a mailbox.
I'll share details later, but let's just say when I 'put people on ignore,' it's my way of saying 'the likes of you isn't worth my time.' That's the non-profane version, I'm sure you can figure out what I'm really saying. lol
The thing is, I don't hate them or get uptight when I'm near them, they don't annoy me, etc ... It's like walking by a mailbox.
You don't have to share, just seems like despite you saying they're a non-entity they sure seem to still get under your skin. That's not for me what i would call ignoring (things like "waving them off 'no'").
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