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All I can say is I'm glad I am not married to you.
You feel it is so important to lay the blame elsewhere that you come online and ask strangers for support. You have to be really hard to live with.
Really, you can't balance a budget? Put a little effort in and pay attention. it's not really hard t do.. Be home if you say you are going to be home. Stop acting like an irresponsible teenager and then getting angry at mommy because she wants you to act like an responsible adult.
Continues to blame me for gaslighting and being manipulative. Not communicating and only communicating in text. We see each other maybe few nights where one of us is tired so communication is shot then. Occasionally a full day say things then. My wife lingers with making decisions I give her 4 to 7 days to make decisions. After that point I just go ahead and make the decision. Not major decisions example being what will be the dinner plan for Easter this Sunday.
Then with Easter asked my Wife about dinner. Said ziti but wont eat ham. Her mom agreed to ham. Her mom and my Wife heard said nothing acknowledged my mom picking the ham up for dinner we pay her back. Told my wife this plan in 10 to 20 text. Then about what my mom is bringing. My wife thinks my mom is in the wrong and upset at her for having to give her money for dinner Sunday.
Then my Wife thinks I just take all her money never discuss budget with her just say this is the way it is. I have been working on trying to discuss budget with my wife for two to three months. Nothing comes to fruition outside of she can't trust me with money. I say have to put X in our joint to cover joint bills. Sometimes that never happens or makes purchases without letting me know overdrafting the account. They are important items to buy such as oil change but can't just go ahead with out letting me know so that way have an idea if we have funds in the joint.
I have been working 4 12s every other week or every week in a pay period. My $2,500 check went down to $300. That covered everything but rent. Covered food/groceries, overdraft fees, electric, car insurance, my two bills ($700), child's daycare fees, daughter weekly doctor appointments, and so forth. My Wife would have to put $1250, which monthly ammount is split into two. $1250 and $700. Maybe an extra $200 to pay for extra food and some gifts for our daughter. Wife makes $2000 a pay period and has $2500 in monthly bills. Something feel can contribute to without being a large stressor.
Anyways long story short. Wife who says never wants to seperate due to what it did to our daughter wants to seperate. Blaming me for never fixing the issues. That I should move all my stuff out and blocking me from talking to her.
The cherry on top my wife is 10 weeks pregnant.
Not sure what to do or how to process all this.
Any advice.
From my therapist & it's worked for 25 years with my spendthrift husband.
Get an old fashioned marble notebook - the kind where it's difficult to tear pages out.
On the top of the page, write the date and the bank account balance
Underneath write the bill's name, the due date, the date paid and the amount. In front of the bill's name, I usually write the check number.
So it's
June 1st Bills - $2,500 Checking Balance
- check 1155 - Gas Company - 06/01/24 (due date). 5/30/24 (date paid). $250 (amount)
On the last line, subtract the checks written from the bank account balance on top for your new balance.
I usually have two pages per month - bills paid on the first of the month and on the fifteen of the month.
HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART - you have to both sit down and do this as a couple! One person writes the checks and the other records the checks.
I don't know how but it does help keep track of money!!!
If your mother had dinner with you for Easter, I really don't see why she would expect to be reimbursed for contributing to dinner. I'm assuming she ate the ham too. Frankly, stay out of menu planning and don't get your mother involved.
Last edited by YorktownGal; 04-17-2024 at 09:06 AM..
.....Then with Easter asked my Wife about dinner. Said ziti but wont eat ham. Her mom agreed to ham. Her mom and my Wife heard said nothing acknowledged my mom picking the ham up for dinner .....
What I'm getting from this entire tale of woe is that your wife said she did not want ham for dinner and after she said she did not want ham, you went ahead and arranged a meal that she had specifically said she did not want and expected her to pay for it.
First of all OP, she could be acting out because only she knows if that baby has a potential father other than yourself. Assuming that she's only been with you, it seems like money and help around the house are her issues (which are the same issues that many modern wives complain about).
I literally diagnosed and fixed the intake manifold runner control (and cleared the check engine light that it triggered) on my wife's SUV last month and I still got cursed out that week for "not helping out enough". In these modern times, a man can pay the full mortgage, unclog toilets (that his step kids and wife clogged), replace garbage disposals (that is step kids and wife broke), repair and maintain vehicles, and give her regular sex...... And she will still complain.
Here's the good news. The opposite of love is not being disgruntled and emotional; it's apathy. When she doesn't care about what you're doing or what you're not doing and how long and late you're doing it then you have a problem. If she's angry and fist-waving then all is good in the universe. Make love to her and call it day. She's just stressed....
First of all OP, she could be acting out because only she knows if that baby has a potential father other than yourself. Assuming that she's only been with you, it seems like money and help around the house are her issues (which are the same issues that many modern wives complain about).
I literally diagnosed and fixed the intake manifold runner control (and cleared the check engine light that it triggered) on my wife's SUV last month and I still got cursed out that week for "not helping out enough". In these modern times, a man can pay the full mortgage, unclog toilets (that his step kids and wife clogged), replace garbage disposals (that is step kids and wife broke), repair and maintain vehicles, and give her regular sex...... And she will still complain.
Here's the good news. The opposite of love is not being disgruntled and emotional; it's apathy. When she doesn't care about what you're doing or what you're not doing and how long and late you're doing it then you have a problem. If she's angry and fist-waving then all is good in the universe. Make love to her and call it day. She's just stressed....
Uhm, not trying to hijack the thread but what you describe are tasks that have to be done very rarely, while keeping up the household is a daily task. Cleaning up behind husband, kids, pets, doing dishes, laundry, groceries, homework, clean house, make schedules, remind everyone .... and aaaaaallll the other little things you take for granted are DAILY tasks. If you have to fix the car once a year, unclog the toilet every 3 years, replace garbage disposal every 8 years, after we tell you 20x, then hallelujah you are amazing
Uhm, not trying to hijack the thread but what you describe are tasks that have to be done very rarely, while keeping up the household is a daily task. Cleaning up behind husband, kids, pets, doing dishes, laundry, groceries, homework, clean house, make schedules, remind everyone .... and aaaaaallll the other little things you take for granted are DAILY tasks. If you have to fix the car once a year, unclog the toilet every 3 years, replace garbage disposal every 8 years, after we tell you 20x, then hallelujah you are amazing
Uhm, not trying to hijack the thread but what you describe are tasks that have to be done very rarely, while keeping up the household is a daily task. Cleaning up behind husband, kids, pets, doing dishes, laundry, groceries, homework, clean house, make schedules, remind everyone .... and aaaaaallll the other little things you take for granted are DAILY tasks. If you have to fix the car once a year, unclog the toilet every 3 years, replace garbage disposal every 8 years, after we tell you 20x, then hallelujah you are amazing
You see this OP. Me and this lady (quoted above) aren't even dating AND SHE'S COMPLAINING. If you divorce your wife, stay single; because your wife's replacement will be calling you a lazy, trifling, narcissistic jerk soon enough. The honeymoon period wears off and then it's reality check. Just tell her (your wife) that you're sorry for being "such a selfish unreasonable azz", cook a lasagna, and make love to her.
You see this OP. Me and this lady (quoted above) aren't even dating AND SHE'S COMPLAINING. If you divorce your wife, stay single; because your wife's replacement will be calling you a lazy, trifling, narcissistic jerk soon enough. The honeymoon period wears off and then it's reality check.
Agreed. This is true of many spouses though. Some will complain just to hear themselves talk.
I will never understand women who expect a man to take care of them just because they have a child. There are no guarantees in life that the partner you have them with will even live past the child's first birthday. Be prepared to take care of yourself and your children, or don't have them at all.
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you are amazing 
