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No one said anything was wrong with talking about the job that needs to be done.
That is the point...a person will not be open and honest about the work that needs to be done if they don't trust their co-workers as human beings. You only get to trust someone if you talk casually and get to know them. If you don't do that, more often than not people withhold information and do other slimy things so that they have a leg up on co-workers. More often than not talking casually to co-workers leads to much better performance. I can't tell you how many times I have spent some time every day talking to a co-worker about their pets/children/last night's game/etc. when suddenly they start to divulge things they are not sure about with the company/project/co-worker's performance/etc. I can then use that information to change my performance to become more effective to the company. The person who sits alone, not chatting will never have that happen.
My job involves technical analysis and design (programmer) . Every interruption involves at least 15 - 30 minutes of backtracking to get back where I was. So I rarely talk to anyone or else I'd get much less done than I'd like.
That is the point...a person will not be open and honest about the work that needs to be done if they don't trust their co-workers as human beings. You only get to trust someone if you talk casually and get to know them. If you don't do that, more often than not people withhold information and do other slimy things so that they have a leg up on co-workers. More often than not talking casually to co-workers leads to much better performance. I can't tell you how many times I have spent some time every day talking to a co-worker about their pets/children/last night's game/etc. when suddenly they start to divulge things they are not sure about with the company/project/co-worker's performance/etc. I can then use that information to change my performance to become more effective to the company. The person who sits alone, not chatting will never have that happen.
There is a difference between ONLY discussing the job that needs to be done (or developing a strictly cordial relationship) and also discussing people's pets/children/sports/etc. as well. In a normal work environment (versus the ones where favoritism is involved, it's all about what clique you belong to or how popular you are amongst your co-workers like back in High School), you don't have to do one to do the other. Most of us simply go to our jobs to earn our paychecks, and if no one discusses the work at hand when necessary, then no one gets a paycheck. I couldn't care less about your personal life, as it's irrelevant to the job at hand and I don't go to work to make best friends.
Besides, quiet as it's kept (because it's not PC or something "positive" to discuss it), despite the so-called trusting friendship I thought I was building with my co-workers, they would probably stab me in the back at a moment's notice for a promotional opportunity or to avoid getting laid off and after the stabbing I probably won't hear from them ever again. I'd rather avoid all of that crap by keeping to myself. This is especially true in an environment that's run by women and that's full of women (no offense to women, just my observation).
I couldn't care less about your personal life, as it's irrelevant to the job at hand and I don't go to work to make best friends.
Exactly. It never ceases to amaze me the level of detail people go into at work regarding their personal lives. My co-workers are just random people who I share an office with to do a job. I don't really know any of them or care about them. They aren't my friends.
I sometimes feel like putting a big plaque on my desk with a message that says
Notice to co-workers: I don't care about the following-
your hobbies
what you did last weekend
where you went on vacation and why
who you are dating
your divorce and why it happened
your children
your husband
your new car/house/whatever
Last edited by statisticsnerd; 06-30-2013 at 12:43 PM..
I don't know what kind of people you guys know or what issues you have about social people, but I, for one, have no hidden agenda whatsoever. That has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard (sorry).
I hate gossip and cliques - one of the reasons I couldnt stand high school, for instance. And I have never been 'phony' friendly. If I don't like a person - they know it. I make no effort to interact with people who I can't respect or who isn't friendly to begin with.
As for not having any work - that is completely untrue. I have tons of it - it could be just that I, unlike others, are better equipped with the skills to manage my time wisely and complete all my tasks without having to be so tied to my desk that I don't know what's going on around me. I don't have time to flitter around the office either (and I don't), but I am also not so involved in my head that I cannot acknowledge other human beings in the workplace.
Btw - there is a difference between quiet people and socially inept people. And I would guess that any good boss running a company wouldnt base their firing of an individual off of one observation, made in passing. Work isnt supposed to be a prison. But, then again, maybe that is why so many companies fail these days. People need to freaking calm down.
rlrl - why so defensive? chill out and smile at your co-worker.
Not every office where people talk to each other involves backstabbing and gossip, I've never experienced that, I don't know where those people work. At my last office job, we worked most of the day, but we also did some casual chatting and people often went to lunch together, and invited anyone who wished to go. I couldn't handle never talking to anyone for 8, or more hours, humans are social animals.
I went to graduate school, and now work in medicine where my job is to talk to people all day. I still talk to the people I work with, but there are also times when I prefer to go to my office and be alone. There has to be a balance between work and socializing, I'm not going to talk all day, but I want to know the people I spend so many hours with.
To me eight hours is a real long time. I am always at awe with people who come into work and at the end of the day say that they do not know where the time went and the day just flew by. In every office job I have had, the day seemed to last forever.
Another thing I do not understand is how people can come to work and sit at their desk all day and not talk to a single person for the entire day. At my employer most conversation with coworkers is online (email and instant message), so they can still be called a team player and not say a word verbally. I always wonder if these people ever get bored like me and want to reach out and talk to someone face to face, at least once in a while.
Can you go all day without talking to someone at work and not get bored, restless or lonely?
I don't have a position where I don't talk, usually ALL day long, both to co-workers, bosses, members, AND the phone calls. In hindsight I would have to say that any job I have ever held has always been similar in that regard and I have never been a telemarketer.
I would not mind trying a position where it was not necessary to speak all day long, you know, just to see how it feels. I will bet that I would be a lot less exhausted by the time I go home as people can suck the life out of you sometimes.
Can you go all day without talking to someone at work and not get bored, restless or lonely?
yes, not talking to others does not result in boredom, restlessness or loneliness. I'm quite comfortable working/ being alone. However, communication with the team is required at my job, and I fine with that. I just don't like all the unnecessary (& loud) chatter that goes on, but an iPod takes care of that. If I took the time to socialize with everyone who walked by my desk (I'm by the printer), I'd never get any work done. We can socialize, or not, at lunch. I also don't need to eat lunch with the whole team either, not sure why others feel the need to do so.
There is a difference between ONLY discussing the job that needs to be done (or developing a strictly cordial relationship) and also discussing people's pets/children/sports/etc. as well. In a normal work environment (versus the ones where favoritism is involved, it's all about what clique you belong to or how popular you are amongst your co-workers like back in High School), you don't have to do one to do the other. Most of us simply go to our jobs to earn our paychecks, and if no one discusses the work at hand when necessary, then no one gets a paycheck. I couldn't care less about your personal life, as it's irrelevant to the job at hand and I don't go to work to make best friends.
Besides, quiet as it's kept (because it's not PC or something "positive" to discuss it), despite the so-called trusting friendship I thought I was building with my co-workers, they would probably stab me in the back at a moment's notice for a promotional opportunity or to avoid getting laid off and after the stabbing I probably won't hear from them ever again. I'd rather avoid all of that crap by keeping to myself. This is especially true in an environment that's run by women and that's full of women (no offense to women, just my observation).
I understand what you are saying, I am just telling you that the people who do their jobs only for a paycheck and don't talk about personal issues don't progress as fast in a company, and don't produce as high quality of results. You can disagree all you want, but that doesn't change the truth or the matter. If your co-workers would stab you in the back for personal gain, you are doing a very, very poor job at managing your career.
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