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My husband is the COO of his company and we have discussed a couple of his employees that declined to attend conferences they were requested to attend. Yes, it is regarded as unprofessional and will likely be considered during performance reviews and consideration for promotions.
I was asked by my manager to go in a tour at a vendor. I was asked today for Oct 14-17th. It’s a 5 hour drive where I have to drive with someone I don’t know. I don’t want to go but will it look bad if I decline? I said my husband might be out of town (which isn’t true) so I need to be home for the dog but I’d let him know ASAP. Ugh. I feel so upset about this.
Did you know that this would be part of your job description from time to time?If you didn't know,I would understand BUT if you were told ahead of time that at times it could be, then you're not doing part of your job.
While pets *can* be a reason for not going to training*, the underlying problem here is that the OP doesn't want to do any travelling, so every time it comes up, the OP is going to be making up some excuse. And all it's going to take for this one to unravel is for somebody to happen to see OP's husband and say, "I thought she said her husband was out of town, and that's why she couldn't go," to land the OP in a world of trouble. And eventually, her workplace is going to catch on that she *never* wants to go, which is going to be a problem
*--about this time last year, I'd been asked to go out of town for training in preparation for a merger. Since my sister lives with me, this wasn't a problem, and I said yes immediately. However, the person giving the training wound up having a family emergency and the training was pushed back two weeks....which coincided with my sister going out of town for a vacation at the same time. So at the last minute, I was scrambling around trying to find somebody willing to come over to take care of the critters. Boarding them wasn't an option (indoor cats only, vet advised that they didn't need their shots, but that meant couldn't be boarded.) We do have a number of friends nearby, so I wasn't worried about finding *somebody* willing to drop by....but it did take longer than I thought to get a response. My boss had advised that she would understand if I couldn't go, since they'd scrambled the plans at the last minute. I did eventually find somebody, and was able to go. Plus, I'd gone on several other business-related trips before with no issues, this would have been the first one I would have had to miss if it had come to that.
I will not go. There isn’t anyone who can watch our dogs and also one is in several meds for arthritis. I have terrible social anxiety and couldn’t handle it. But I can’t tell them that.
Is it the husband, the dogs, or the social anxiety? Who am I kidding, either way, you are fired.
Seriously, either you want to do the job or you don't. What employer would keep someone who doesn't want to do the job?
the real issue is that the OP needs to deal with the social anxiety head on - in small steps. the dogs werent even actually the issue dince she said the husband wasnt really out of town. if the op is still reading this, i would suggest going to the boss and tell them you were able to deal with the home issues, really would like to attend, and will be driving yourself even if that means covering the gas. while i travel a lot for work and never have missed a trip because of care for my animals ( i even went on a trip the day i had to euthanize one of my dogs and it broke my heart) it does make me a bit frustrated that people cannot use family care obligations (and i consider my animals part of my family) in the same way as child care issues. of course i understand pets are not on the same level, but for many without children their pets are so important and the large majority of the time most pet owners are not taking a lot of time off for their pets. what really matters is how well you do your job, and parents do a great job while still taking unexpected time off every once in a while for their children, so it shouldnt be a job dealbreaker if it is to care for a pet. but of course that being said, ive never declined a work opportunity or delayed a deliverable because of my pets and would never say that to my manager.
the real issue is that the OP needs to deal with the social anxiety head on - in small steps. the dogs werent even actually the issue dince she said the husband wasnt really out of town. if the op is still reading this, i would suggest going to the boss and tell them you were able to deal with the home issues, really would like to attend, and will be driving yourself even if that means covering the gas. while i travel a lot for work and never have missed a trip because of care for my animals ( i even went on a trip the day i had to euthanize one of my dogs and it broke my heart) it does make me a bit frustrated that people cannot use family care obligations (and i consider my animals part of my family) in the same way as child care issues. of course i understand pets are not on the same level, but for many without children their pets are so important and the large majority of the time most pet owners are not taking a lot of time off for their pets. what really matters is how well you do your job, and parents do a great job while still taking unexpected time off every once in a while for their children, so it shouldnt be a job dealbreaker if it is to care for a pet. but of course that being said, ive never declined a work opportunity or delayed a deliverable because of my pets and would never say that to my manager.
I agree with you about the OP needing to figure out some way to deal with her social anxiety issues so that she can effectively deal with her responsibilities. With that said, I sympathize because certain people are naturally more prone to having issues related to different types of anxiety and people who don't have this problem can lack empathy.
And I also agree with you about people who need to care for other people and animals that they care about don't get anywhere near the same level of respect, and while their kids may have real needs to attend to, I get the feeling that many use that an a convenient excuse and are relieved when they can use that excuse to get themselves out of a work responsibility that they'd rather not deal with.
Aside from the fact they gave you less than two weeks notice, unless travel is directly in your job description, you can get out of going.
This is completely ridiculous advice and best ignored.
Job descriptions, unless included in an employment contract or a collective bargaining agreement, are not legally binding. Similarly, unless included in a contract, an employer does not need to give two weeks notice for a business trip, or almost anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
It seems the OP has left this thread, but I have questions.
It sounds like the "travel" request was to prepare to groom you to move up in the heirarchy of the company - and not really required of the job you now hold? There's really no shame at all in saying that you don't like to travel, and that you want to do a very good job in the job you were hired to do but you don't want to move up into a higher position.
If occasional travel is necessary to do the job, and you kind of knew that going in but now realize you don't want to do it, tell your boss that. You can be let go, or if you're excellent at what you are doing right now, they can redistribute the traveling portion to someone who enjoys it and is good at it.
You can try the bolded, but depending on the job, that might be tantamount to a resignation. Some companies are built on upward mobility.
Let's say I employ 3 widget manufacturers, above that two widget designers, and one widget engineer over those. I prefer to train and promote internally. If one of my widget manufacturers tells me that they aren't interested in ever becoming a widget designer, that creates a bottleneck in my raining program. I may not have enough manufacturers with sufficient experience to promote when a designer position becomes open. By refusing training, you are impacting my business model.
That doesn't work for me. Refusal to develop as an employee means that you will be one of the first fired or laid off if that becomes necessary.
I was asked by my manager to go in a tour at a vendor. I was asked today for Oct 14-17th. It’s a 5 hour drive where I have to drive with someone I don’t know. I don’t want to go but will it look bad if I decline? I said my husband might be out of town (which isn’t true) so I need to be home for the dog but I’d let him know ASAP. Ugh. I feel so upset about this.
Yes, it looks bad, unless you specifically said that you didn't want to travel when you took the job and that was in your contract. There are such contracts.
You have every right to decline the offer and they have every right to demote or not promote you.
Omg, so glad you don’t work for me. “My dog,” is a laughably bad excuse.
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