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First off, this is the strangest situation I've found myself in regarding workplace behavior. I am a 43 year old guy working as an RN for the Federal govt (VA). Within the past several weeks, a former coworker, who is now in a different clinic within the hospital has come on to the unit and greeted me as "Girl." It's escalated to the point where it's in front of people, and of course it draws a few laughs. I can't stand it, I find it demeaning,and an attempt to humiliate me in front of others. The most recent incident occurred two days ago. Said coworker changed my name on our assignment board to "lil girl." Naturally, I was ready to fly off at this point and went looking for her to lay into her. Of course she had already had gone home
I honestly don't understand the reason for this. I'm a 6'1, 225 lb guy with a family, so I can't really think any shred of me that resembles a female. I have begun to document occurrences and I have someone who will more than likely witness for me if I decide to use the chain of command in management. If it's not resolved by management, I have the option to file an EO complaint, but I'd really prefer to be left alone to do my job without name calling/harassment etc.
If anyone has any experience in this, or could even shed some insight as to why this person wants to carry on with this type of behavior, please chime in.
She likes you and is being extra mean to deflect it. I'm not joking either. By demeaning you, she is trying to over compensate for her attraction to you. I would certainly call it harassment. Now as for what you do about it, tread carefully. I worked at a VA and writing up a coworker for harassment needs to have thorough documentation of each incident with the time and place and details of all involved. You take the documentation directly to HR, do not waste time trying to talk to the offending party or her/your supervisor/chief. That usually creates needless middle men trying to cover it up than actually helping. If she has tenure they won't fire her but they will look to reassign one or both of you to hopefully remove the issue.
P.s. Male nurses are incredible. Thank you for your service to our military men and women.
VA nurses can be catty as hell, just ignore it and mess with her in different ways. They can never take away your sarcasm. Bully her with other people nearby until she stops. They will not fire her, the VA just does not fire people. Bullying is the only way to get rid of her.
What's wrong with people in this country? Why do people have to hold so much inside at the point of exploding?
You should have just simply told her that you don't like what she's saying in the first place.
You think she can read minds or something? Sheesh.
Don't be such a little girl.
Probably because of the many unstable, violent and dangerous reactions displayed by people over the recent years. I know for me, fear of retaliation (even days or weeks later) from a simple request makes it hard for me to say anything to anybody.
I've had to confront the people across the street from me a couple days ago. They keep parking their ugly azz car in front of my house, when they have a 2 car garage, large driveway and a whole lotta empty curb in front of where they live. Why their car has to sit in front of my home for 4 days straight is beyond me and just straight up rude. I had no place to put my garbage cans. I went over there and knocked on their door for about 5 minutes, no one answered. As soon as I went back inside, they magically appear and move their *****in' car! I opened my garage door, caught them in the act and yelled out "THANK YOU!!!!"
I say you know when you're being harassed....
The inflection, the way that person says what they're saying....
It's probably obvious to you.
I just left a place that was the most toxic, volatile, hateful, vicious work environment I've ever been at.
And the unemployment interview takes place within the next few days.
A lawyer told me that in some cases, if your work environment is extremely hostile,
you can still get unemployment......
There's a lot of a holes out there who have nothing better to do than to mess w/ other people.
I won't ever work in such a negative environment again.
I say you know when you're being harassed....
The inflection, the way that person says what they're saying....
It's probably obvious to you.
I just left a place that was the most toxic, volatile, hateful, vicious work environment I've ever been at.
And the unemployment interview takes place within the next few days.
A lawyer told me that in some cases, if your work environment is extremely hostile,
you can still get unemployment......
There's a lot of a holes out there who have nothing better to do than to mess w/ other people.
I won't ever work in such a negative environment again.
I'm in the process of changing jobs also, in part, due to the work atmosphere. I had the unfortunate circumstance of starting a job where an internal candidate did not get the job. She was removed from her office and put in a cubicle so I could have the office. I didn't know this when I started the job. She took it very badly, and she took it out on me. I think she believed that if she could damage my reputation before I could establish one, then I would be fired and she could have the job. Instead, she badmouthed me constantly, and others followed her lead. Six months into the position, the internal candidate found another job, left the building, and some of the badmouthing stopped - but that was a cloud that hung over me until today. I could not get out from under it, regardless of what I did. Some co-workers were simply looking for any opportunity to confirm what the internal candidate wanted people to believe.
I believe that the original poster is being harassed. Although this appears to be one person for now, it usually doesn't take long for others to pick up on it and assume that the harassing behaviour is acceptable. As posted up-thread, I think the best stance to take is to clearly communicate to the harasser that other people call you Mike, and she should too. Be firm and assertive. Be careful with tone - practice with a friend if you're afraid that your emotion will be evident in your tone. Put her on the spot - embarrass her. If she means to be playful and teasing, putting her on the spot will make it clear to her that she is not funny.
Workplace harassment is stressful, and damaging. It should not be tolerated by anyone.
Your union rep, if you have one, will be caught between two union members. I don't see that as a solution.
I am a former DOL EEO specialist: Bring it to the attention of your manager and provide the names of witnesses. Let your manager what you see as a satisfactory outcome. At a minimum this behavior should stop. Maybe they can keep that employee away from you.
Personally I don't think her behavior is unknowingly offensive.
Odds are this person has done similar to others, they may have a book on her.
The minimal solution is ideal. I really want to be left alone in peace. This person works in a different department, and I as understand it, is considered managerial.
I have no qualms with confronting someone, but doing so in private, I'm quite sure she could turn my words around and suggest that I was threatening or made offensive remarks on my own.
Person in question is pretty much classic bully/narcissist. Has made demeaning comments about others. If I had the conversations recorded, management would have been shocked as to what she has said about other coworkers. Before she put me in her crosshairs, she would spill beans about other folks' personal problems. Has made comments that the "Unit would go to hell," if she left. She is a great rn to have when a crisis arises with a patient, knows her stuff, but feels like everyone else is beneath her.
I have one, possibly a second person that can verify what she has said/wrote. Short of relocation or reassignment, I have zero confidence in the VA to rectify the situation. During my time there, I've witnessed things that would have been absolutely not tolerated within the private sector go with impunity within the VA. Have a possible job offer on the table for a job in non government home health. Not really jumping on the opportunity,as I love working with veterans, and as hokey as it seems, I believe in the VA's mission. 90% of the folks I work with, if not greater, are good people, but the bad apples there seem to have more leeway and freedom to keep being a problem employee as opposed to outside facilities/workplaces.
She likes you and is being extra mean to deflect it. I'm not joking either. By demeaning you, she is trying to over compensate for her attraction to you. I would certainly call it harassment. Now as for what you do about it, tread carefully. I worked at a VA and writing up a coworker for harassment needs to have thorough documentation of each incident with the time and place and details of all involved. You take the documentation directly to HR, do not waste time trying to talk to the offending party or her/your supervisor/chief. That usually creates needless middle men trying to cover it up than actually helping. If she has tenure they won't fire her but they will look to reassign one or both of you to hopefully remove the issue.
P.s. Male nurses are incredible. Thank you for your service to our military men and women.
As I understand it, complaints are generally taken more seriously when using the chain of command. So, I've considered, letting my supervisor and Director of nursing know of the situation before going to HR. I briefly considered asking the EO rep for an "off the record" meeting. But, as I understand it, there is no such thing as "off the record" once you sit down with the EO specialist.
Thanks for the input. I've been criticized by a few on here, but some don't understand how things work within federal workplaces. Bullying back would absolutely not work, and a private conversation carries its own risks.
Tell her to stop it now and to use your name. Not privately - in front of others.
Say "people call me Mike - you should too".
If it happens again, go to the DNS. (Director of Nursing Services)
Agree. I would say it more than once if necessary. I don't think I'd bother going to HR over this it just makes a person look sensitive and unable to handle themselves in a work setting.
As I understand it, complaints are generally taken more seriously when using the chain of command. So, I've considered, letting my supervisor and Director of nursing know of the situation before going to HR. I briefly considered asking the EO rep for an "off the record" meeting. But, as I understand it, there is no such thing as "off the record" once you sit down with the EO specialist.
Thanks for the input. I've been criticized by a few on here, but some don't understand how things work within federal workplaces. Bullying back would absolutely not work, and a private conversation carries its own risks.
Are you going to confront her first and let her know you don't find it amusing or acceptable? Maybe, because you haven't said anything up until now, she thinks you don't mind it. Personally, I don't see how that is funny in the first place. I might get a little childish if she didn't stop and start calling her Mr. Ed or Mr. T or Butch. I like Sheena's response to you as well.
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