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Maybe I am over thinking this a lot or maybe I am not.
I feel like no one really likes me at work and I am just there for the sake of doing a job and controlling Parts A / B / C to make sure that they work well for the overall business.
But outside of that no one connects with me or comes up and talks to me and wants to do things or nothing.
I constantly see people laughing and having fun/talking but I am just there sitting on my ass. I've tried asking people "whats going on this weekend or tonight??" and I get bare response then they just walk over to another person or look in other directions... Not everyone but some people...
The first place I worked it was not like that at all so I am wondering what is wrong with me and what can I do to get friends at work?
Buy some donuts or pizza for the team might be a good idea.
If you haven't been there that long, they may be a bit wary of you---particularly if your predecessor left under questionable circumstances, was well liked, or was unfortunately canned.
I've worked at my company for over 10 years, and have watched many people come and go over that time.
Here is what the people do who make friends -
1. Be friendly to everyone. Smile, say "hi", look people in the eye, ask how someone is doing, ask how their weekend went. Basically look friendly and be good at small talk. And be sincere. If you act sincerely interested in others, people do respond to that.
2. Take initiative. The friendly extroverts at my office don't sit back waiting for others to reach out. They do the reaching out.
3. Read social cues. As you work on being friendly, open, and reaching out to others, pay attention to the response you are getting. Look at facial expressions and body language. People will give you clues as to whether or not they are receptive to your overtures. But you have to pay attention.
4. Do not act needy. Work on being friendly at work before you start trying to get together with people outside of work. Learn about people's lives, families, hobbies, etc. Once you actually start to know people on a bit of a deeper level, you will begin to determine who are the people that might be open to hanging outside of work.
5. Be open about yourself. Rather than wait for people to ask you about yourself, just tell them. When you're chatting with people, tell them about your weekend, tell them about your family - of course, keep the information appropriate for work - so if you spent the weekend hungover, don't mention that- but the more open you are about yourself, the more that gives others a chance to get to know you and feel comfortable. People tend to be drawn to those who don't seem to have anything to hide, and who take the lead in making conversations. Many people are a bit shy, so if you can be the friendly person who leads them into a conversation, they may begin to open up around you.
6. Don't take lack of interest personally. You need to think like a salesperson, and the item you are selling is yourself. If you do all of the above and someone is not interested, just move on to the next. Remember, at work, many people are not there to make friends, so I would highly encourage you to also work on building your social network outside of work.
I have no friends at work. I hang out with people that are not from work. Life is easier that way.
In many ways that is much better. The workplace should be pleasantly professional but it shouldn't be a social club. It's better to keep a distance from your co-workers, you never want to mix your personal life too much with co-workers.
It's much better also when you are promoted to not have close friends among the people you will supervise.
Thats how my mentality was but its boring when everyone is laughing having fun walking around doing random **** and I'm sitting staring at a computer wishing I never left the first job I had that I broke even in salary every month
Thats how my mentality was but its boring when everyone is laughing having fun walking around doing random **** and I'm sitting staring at a computer wishing I never left the first job I had that I broke even in salary every month
Do what I like spam said. Bring something in...bagels and coffee or something.
It's nice if you can make friends out of workmates but you're there to work. Your concentration should be focused on doing the job you were hired to do to the best of your ability and working with your peers to that end. If the workplace clique eventually sizes you up and decides to include you in their "fun times", all well and good but your focus should be on work and not fussing over or forcing "belonging".
I've been in your situation scores of times over many decades and have also seen it from the other side of the fence as the employer. If you're sitting around mulling that, "its boring when everyone is laughing having fun walking around doing random **** and I'm sitting staring at a computer wishing I never left the first job I had that I broke even in salary every month" your priorities are out of whack.
I had some really bad jobs but I learned something from every single one of them and boredom was never an issue. You use every work experience whether it be good, bad or apparently "boring" to learn so that, if and when you ever aspire to be in either a management position or an employer, you have all this stored away to your benefit.
I honestly never realized how much I knew until I started my own business a couple of decades after I joined the workforce. When I sold that business I worked for many more years for others until I decided once again to run my own ship and then realized again how much more knowledge I'd gained. It's all about learning but if you're going to harp on the job you shouldn't have left and not learn from the job you now have by focusing on the social aspect of it, you won't get too far.
I have worked a lot of jobs where being socially popular and likable was more important than how much you produced. But these were mostly low skill/low wage jobs.
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Life is easier that way.
