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How long have you been and how long have others? Being the new person can be hard especially if everyone else has worked together for a long time. Put a bowl of candy on your desk, ask someone (or 2 people) if they would like to grab lunch.
Of course, we are all at our jobs to work and do a good job, that doesn't mean you can't be friendly with your coworkers. You don't have to give out information about your personal life if you don't want to, but it makes for a nicer work place if you have some "work friendships".
My wife makes friends at work like no one I've ever seen. The irony is she suffered from terrible social anxiety for many years. Is it possible this describes you too?
Anyway what my wife does is go up to people and have them talk about themselves. People LOVE to talk about themselves. So once you do that a couple times, you get to know someone better and they will approach you. The other bonus with this is that when you get to know someone better you will have topics to discuss besides the weather and weekend plans. Ask about their family, hobbies, a project they have been really killing it on, and so on. I have been copying my wife and getting good results with that. Many in my neighborhood know me by name and most of my neighbors are recent immigrants whose first language is Polish or Spanish.
It is important to build rapport with people at work, because in most companies these days, part of how you are reviewed is on how you get along with others. That said if you are making the effort, I would not worry about getting dinged. It may also help to examine when you approach people as well as what you say. Do you approach people when they look rushed? Do you ask them questions they could be embarrassed to answer or which can be answered with a simple Yes/No? These types of "conversation starters" are in reality non-starters since they don't lend themselves well to a discussion.
Try changing focus. Instead of asking about weekend plans, try asking about a project their on. "Oh, Bill, you're on the Johnson Project, what have you been doing on that lately?" Or ask someone's advice about something work-related. "I want to make my PowerPoint really pop and I know you are a whiz with PPT, is there a template you use or any tip you would recommend?"
My wife hates that "What plans do you have for the weekend?" question since these past few months, we find we stay in on a Fri. night as we are so tired from the week. YET living in NYC we feel like we "should" be going into the city and tearing it up as so many other 30/40-somethings here do.
Remember also that people turning away is their issue not yours. If you asked us what our weekend plans were and we brushed you off and grumbled, "Not much" it would be because we are embarrased to be so tired and not have any.
I also have success if someone is known to like a certain TV show, band, or whatever. It is something we have in common and presents a bonding experience opportunity. Try to find out what people around the office are into and work that naturally into conversation.
Sorry this is so long, I am trying to be better about using paragraph breaks.
Maybe I am over thinking this a lot or maybe I am not.
I feel like no one really likes me at work and I am just there for the sake of doing a job and controlling Parts A / B / C to make sure that they work well for the overall business.
But outside of that no one connects with me or comes up and talks to me and wants to do things or nothing.
I constantly see people laughing and having fun/talking but I am just there sitting on my ass. I've tried asking people "whats going on this weekend or tonight??" and I get bare response then they just walk over to another person or look in other directions... Not everyone but some people...
The first place I worked it was not like that at all so I am wondering what is wrong with me and what can I do to get friends at work?
If I were you I'd stop worrying. You're not there to make friends; you're there to do your job and get your salary. You can do those things whether you have workplace friends or merely workplace acquaintances. Besides, friendships at the office can be troublesome on a frequent basis. Just do a good job. You'll be noticed. When I was in school, I was the guy in the back doing work two years beyond my grade level, with no friends. Didn't matter. All that mattered was - did I do what the teachers wanted me to do? If I did, I got A's. There was never any extra credit for having friends.
Gossip and yell first rounds on you. Just listen for someone who has the same interest as you. Make a comment on pictures of children and ask how they are doing every now and then. Stay away from cliques and gossip.
When possible talk bad about the Red Sox because I'm a Yankees fan.
1. Don't base your self-worth on what others think of you.
I was a fish out of water in more than one shop. In Florida the good ol' boys would go to Hooters for lunch, buy beer and split the bill even amongst those who weren't drinking.
I started going elsewhere and quickly had companions who didn't want to be part of that.
As a Californian I also didn't mesh with their Big Dog or Lil Puppies culture so i just worked and didn't really socialize with them after.
2. As was said, don't be needy. Be genuinely interested in how people are doing and ask follow-up questions later i.e. "How did mama's surgery go?"
Let them 'initiate' - don't always seek them out. If they never come to see you then drop them in priority of friendship.
3. Personalize your cubicle with interesting items.
Doesn't need to be as divisive as a certain team's memorabilia but some of your interests - an NFL logo, military branch item, hobbies or even interests that you haven't yet pursued. Odd knick knacks that one would wonder how it was used.
Things that can appeal to people as a conversation starter.
Be involved in activities outside of work that boost your self-esteem and chances are those at work will gravitate toward you more.
I also wondered how long you have been at this job? Sometimes it takes time.
Possibly you could find one person you feel comfortable around or seems friendly to ask to lunch?
Instead of asking people's plans for the weekend which may make them uncomfortable since they may think you want to have plans try small chat. Even simple things like it is finally warming up outside can get the ball rolling.
Nobody really "likes" anyone at work. Everyone is gossipy, two faced and will throw you under the bus in a minute. Just go to work, smile and say hi, do your work and go home.
Maybe I am over thinking this a lot or maybe I am not.
I feel like no one really likes me at work and I am just there for the sake of doing a job and controlling Parts A / B / C to make sure that they work well for the overall business.
But outside of that no one connects with me or comes up and talks to me and wants to do things or nothing.
I constantly see people laughing and having fun/talking but I am just there sitting on my ass. I've tried asking people "whats going on this weekend or tonight??" and I get bare response then they just walk over to another person or look in other directions... Not everyone but some people...
The first place I worked it was not like that at all so I am wondering what is wrong with me and what can I do to get friends at work?
I'm just going to put this as plain as I can. You're not there to make make friends. You're there to get your JOB done and go home, THEN make friends. Your job is not a place to try to be popular among the people who have to put up with you, and vice versa. Your place of employment is only that, it's not your life.
Nobody really "likes" anyone at work. Everyone is gossipy, two faced and will throw you under the bus in a minute. Just go to work, smile and say hi, do your work and go home.
While it's good to have friends, it's even better to just focus on your work, get your paycheck and go home.
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