Dad finally needs a nursing home (condo, live, costs)

[Robyn55]

BTW - although I don't know if there are any (decent) independent senior living places in Spring Hill - there seem to be quite a few in the Tampa Bay area. Don't know whether or not they're decent or better. Also - I suspect the OP's brother - who lives 45 minutes away - is probably in the Tampa Bay area. Would be better if his father was closer to him (I live 15-20 minutes away from my father). So I would look at these places.

Note that my father pays about $4200/month for his place. But that is one of the largest units in his complex (2 bedrooms/2 baths/attached garage). The smaller units (1 bedroom/1 bath) run about $3000/month - more or less. That includes the rent - all utilities (but only basic cable) - 2 meals 6 days/week and 1 on Sunday - once a week cleaning - individual transportation to doctors' appointments and regular scheduled group transportation to grocery stores/churches/the mall/the like - emergency system - and similar. The average resident age is about 85 - and just about everyone in the place uses a scooter and/or a walker. Most people use hearing aids too. The OP's father would fit right in. FWIW - I live in the JAX metro area - and I suspect our senior living costs are similar to those in the Tampa Bay area.

IMO - skilled nursing facilities are for people who need complicated medical care. My late FIL needed that kind of care - but it doesn't sound like the OP's father does. Also - I am not in general a fan of ALFs for many/most old people. From what I've seen - they tend to cater to people with dementia who don't have complicated medical needs. And that doesn't sound like the OP's father either. So - overall - I would look into independent senior living places. If the OP and his brother/father found a suitable one - the father could sell his house - and use the proceeds plus whatever income he gets today (probably SS at a minimum) to pay for it. And - if it looked like he might run out of money at some point in the future - the OP and his brother could perhaps figure out how to pay for the place. Robyn

[jambo101]

Before putting Dad in a nursing home i'd would like to give home care a try, i'm thinking a care giver comes over for 4-5 hours a day and helps him do whatever as he is really against the idea of a nursing home at this point. however i'm having a difficult time trying to find the services required,any help is appreciated.
thanks.

[Robyn55]

Originally Posted by jambo101

Before putting Dad in a nursing home i'd would like to give home care a try, i'm thinking a care giver comes over for 4-5 hours a day and helps him do whatever as he is really against the idea of a nursing home at this point. however i'm having a difficult time trying to find the services required,any help is appreciated.
thanks.

What kind(s) of services does he need? Robyn

[MortonR]

Originally Posted by jambo101

Before putting Dad in a nursing home i'd would like to give home care a try, i'm thinking a care giver comes over for 4-5 hours a day and helps him do whatever as he is really against the idea of a nursing home at this point. however i'm having a difficult time trying to find the services required,any help is appreciated.
thanks.

We used Visitng Angels a couple of years ago to provide a weekly respite for my mother in law who had been caring full time for my father in law who was suffering from senile dementia.

While I'm sure they could do well, our limited experience was not good. They started out with the same caregiver on a consistent basis, which was especially important in our case due to my father in law's condition, as he needed consistency and stability.

A few weeks in, they "changed schedules" and our regular caregiver became a revolving door of people, someone different every day. This pretty much destroyed the environment that was originally established and had him pretty agitated and confused as a result.

After maybe a week or two of this and no indication that it was going to change based on the responses from their case manager, we cut them off. As a result of our experience I would not recommend them.

We ended up finding a family friend who came in regularly. Not always an option, but we were lucky to have it.

RM

[jambo101]

Originally Posted by Robyn55

What kind(s) of services does he need? Robyn

Perhaps cook his meals do a bit of basic cleaning like basically wash dishes or take out the trash. make sure he takes his meds, be there in case he falls., take him to Walmart once in a while.
IMO he needs the fulltime care a nursing home would provide but he is dead set against the idea.

[dothetwist]

Is your Dad still in rehab, following his surgery? Often those facilities will have a list of service providers for at-home care. If not, often there is a quasi 'social worker' involved...usually assigned at the hospital, who again can help find home health worker or aide. It sounds like he needs an aide (cheaper) not skilled nursing.

To be honest, we lucked out when my FIL's house cleaner started taking on more work/hours. In the 1970s, my FIL and MIL sponsored this woman and her husband from Salvador via my MILs church. They helped this (then) young couple get started in the US....he as a landscaper/mower company and she doing housecleaning. There was trust, friendship and caring, that I don't think we'd have found in hiring a service company. We paid her what we would have paid an agency, out of respect for her. She was in her early 60s and was happy to pay back (her words) my FIL and also the job was less physically demanding than cleaning houses.

Other elderly friends/neighbors of my FIL made similar arrangements via a 'grapevine' of hiring help they trusted, individuals. Including two we know of who also turned their part-time house cleaners into aides.

Is it possible for your brother who lives near your Dad to 'network' and find someone to come by, maybe via other neighbors of his or your Dad??

In Metro DC, where my FIL lived, his local Agency on Aging with Fairfax County also supplied an evaluation of what he needed (my husband added all the various fixtures and made changes to the house). They also had a list of service providers, including independent individuals. Check with the locality where your Dad lives to see if there's a similar agency.

Here are some links locally:
http://agingcarefl.org/

http://elderaffairs.state.fl.us/index.php

[Robyn55]

Originally Posted by jambo101

Perhaps cook his meals do a bit of basic cleaning like basically wash dishes or take out the trash. make sure he takes his meds, be there in case he falls., take him to Walmart once in a while.
IMO he needs the fulltime care a nursing home would provide but he is dead set against the idea.

I'm not sure how much experience you have with elder care - but your father's needs don't really sound like skilled nursing home needs (most people in SNFs have complicated medical needs and/or advanced dementia). What he basically needs from the way you describe things is a housekeeper who can keep an eye on him and drive him around once in a while.

At most - he needs assisted living. And - like I've mentioned - I really don't care for the ALFs I've seen - because so many ALF residents have some form of early/moderate dementia. Independent senior living might be the best option if your father would consider it.

OTOH - I've never met your father. And - considering that you don't live close to him - you probably don't see him that often either. You might consider having him evaluated by someone like an occupational therapist or similar. Just to make sure you're going in the right direction. An OT can evaluate both your father and his current home environment. You can see what the OT recommends in terms of making his house a safer place for him to live. My father's place must have 500 linear feet of hand rails these days. He also has things like heavy duty walkers. A heavy duty scooter and an electric wheel chair too. My father is acutely aware that the biggest danger in his life now is falling. And breaking this/that/the other bone. And he takes great pains to prevent falls. My father still has all his marbles - and would rather kill himself than go into a skilled nursing home. So he is very proactive in terms of taking care of himself and making sure his home situation is as optimal as possible. Robyn

[Robyn55]

Originally Posted by jambo101

Before putting Dad in a nursing home i'd would like to give home care a try, i'm thinking a care giver comes over for 4-5 hours a day and helps him do whatever as he is really against the idea of a nursing home at this point. however i'm having a difficult time trying to find the services required,any help is appreciated.
thanks.

Your brother is relatively local. You aren't. Why don't you ask your brother to take a look at things? Robyn

[Robyn55]

Originally Posted by jambo101

His limitations are he cant walk,he cant hear without some device, he is in his home alone with occasional visits from my brother who lives 45 minutes away.,he can get around the house on his scooter but he has fallen 3X in the last month and has been saved by his "Help i've fallen and cant get up "button. this last time he broke his hip and is now in rehab till the operation heals, when he comes out home care is the first order of business.

Get the home care in order now. So you don't have to scramble at the last minute. Robyn

[BucFan]

Reps to Robyn for being extremely helpful.