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The only cow in a small town in South Dakota stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow in North Dakota for $200.00.
They bought the cow from North Dakota and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.
They then decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They went ahead and bought a bull to put in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in North Dakota?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned the cow's origins. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in North Dakota?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from North Dakota..."
I was catching up on the news for lake wobegone today. Ole and Lena bought a milk cow. Every time they pulled on her udder she'd pass ass gas.
Stan the neighbor stopped in to admire the new milk cow. Ole was expaining and gave a demonstration. Ole pulled on the teet and the cow farted.
Stan asked if the cow was from North Dakota. Ole said "yes, how did you know that?"
Stan proceeded to tell them that his wife was from North Dakota and she did the same thing.
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
...
Third guy:"Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" ... and she said, "Wear sun-block."
An old man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions.
A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and
sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants..... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts.... So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy."
"And here I am."
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
Middle Age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist, change places.
A guy was looking through the classifieds, trying to find a decent used car. He ran across an add for a new Porche for $10. So he called the number, a bit skeptical and said, "So what's the gimmick?" The lady on the phone says, "There's no gimmick, my husband just died, and his will stated the he wanted his car sold and the money given to his secretary."
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