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In six months in Seattle, I have now failed ten out of ten times with the women here. I am only counting girls I at least kissed or just got their phone number. I am not counting girls that I just completely struck out with. (That number was less than ten.)
Total count: 10
Age range: 19-36
Attractiveness: 6-10
Girls kissed: 5
Girls I got to 2nd base with: 3
Times I could have had sex: 2 (one was insane, one I wanted a relationship with)
Times I had sex: 0
Dates planned (time and place agreed on): 6
Dates who flaked on me at the last minute: 3
Dates that actually occurred: 3
Girls who were so bat**** insane I had to cut the date short early: 1
Second dates: 0
At this point, based on my experiences elsewhere, I can definitely say it is them, not me. If you're a single guy, good luck and think twice before moving here. I'm leaving soon and I will never forget the weird skittish women (and men, for that matter) of Seattle.
10 dates in six months??
You're doing much better than I am.
I've had 3 first dates in two years here.
I feel like an unemployed loser who's sent out hundreds of job applications but has only gotten three invitations to interviews and zero job offers
I just had my third date this past week. I wasn't crazy about the lady, but we did have a number of things in common and she was the closest match I've found so far. I thought the date went pretty well but the next morning she sent me a message that she didn't think it'd go anywhere. I did appreciate her decency to let me know directly rather than the typical radio silence that I can interpret as a lack of interest meaning I should cease any pursuit.
I've done volunteer work. I've gone to REI outdoor school classes and excursions. I go to meetup and other "singles" events where the ratios are 60 men for 8 women for example. Occasionally I do get a phone number or two. After leaving messages and sending texts without response I give up.
The last time I had a chance encounter with an attractive unattached lady was on Christmas Eve. I'm so out of practice, I felt dizzy with heart palpitations so that my efforts to charm her weren't exactly effective.
So you probably think the problem is with me. I hope you're right, because then it would be in my own power to change the unsatisfactory results. I don't think I'm an unattractive candidate; I had some very satisfying, long and deep relationships while I lived in central and northern Europe. I'm fit enough and not fat at 5'11" with 175 pounds. Shouldn't that be an adequate stature and level of fitness? My style may not be helping me. I'm more of a conservatively groomed and clean shaven fellow than the typical bearded lumbersexual hipster that haunts our city. (I think that cliche is actually what my latest date is looking for...) I may not particularly stylish, but I'm not sure if switching from my functional casual and outdoor apparel to fine tailored Italian suits would really help me. That wouldn't exactly be appropriate in any of the circumstances I encounter. As for conversation, I'm widely read and well versed in world affairs and culture. Furthermore I think my sense of charm and humor is ok, but that's hard to judge. I'll error on the side of modesty... My main conversational limitations are that I don't know much about the Seahawks or any of the local teams nor do I own or know much about dogs. Perhaps these deficits are real deal killers here in Seattle....
So for now I've given up on looking for a relationship. Isn't that what not trying means? Every couple months I get a flash of hope and log back onto the dating websites to see who's new, whom I hadn't yet reached out to multiple times. I give it a shot and send out a batch of very thoughtfully written messages. This past month I actually got a response and a date out of it. I know the poor darling women get bombed with contact requests, up to 30 a day. I understand how hard it is to get noticed with that kind of competition. So I don't get my hopes up but I bait my hooks. Maybe someday I'll get a nibble.
You will probably suggest that I lower my standards. But I already have. With the online dating for example I am sending perhaps only less than a quarter of my contact requests to ladies I actually find attractive and promising - we'll call them Grade B. More than half go to Grade C that might be ok. The rest go to Grade D that I'm giving a benefit of the doubt in hope that they just don't know how to write a charming profile or perhaps photograph badly. Grade A I don't even bother with. I have to confess that it is hard to be enthusiastic about the Grade Cs and Ds... But I do try.
The most charming, sweet and interesting women I meet here are frequently the central and eastern European wives that the expatriate tech workers have brought with them. I haven't yet met an unmarried one since I've been here. You do hear some guys confess a preference for Asians. Maybe I prefer those bred and raised on the other side of the Atlantic? The dramatic nature, scenery and climate here may be nice, but they're not that special... So maybe I'll just pack up and head back to Europe eventually.
Well I've enjoyed my pity party for a single single tonight. I hope you appreciate the invitation to join me.
Treuphax, do not read this unless you want some honest feedback.
You and the OP sound like you both may have some level of autism or at the very least poor social skills. When you couple that with the fact that you view women as objects instead of people, all of this is probably contributing to your lack of success in the dating world.
If you want things to change, then change yourself. Find yourself a good therapist and reevaluate the way you act in the world and how you see women.
Of course you could always move back to a country where cultural and financial pressures push women into marriages. It's your life.
So you probably think the problem is with me. I hope you're right, because then it would be in my own power to change the unsatisfactory results. I don't think I'm an unattractive candidate; I had some very satisfying, long and deep relationships while I lived in central and northern Europe. I'm fit enough and not fat at 5'11" with 175 pounds. Shouldn't that be an adequate stature and level of fitness? My style may not be helping me. I'm more of a conservatively groomed and clean shaven fellow than the typical bearded lumbersexual hipster that haunts our city. (I think that cliche is actually what my latest date is looking for...) I may not particularly stylish, but I'm not sure if switching from my functional casual and outdoor apparel to fine tailored Italian suits would really help me. That wouldn't exactly be appropriate in any of the circumstances I encounter. As for conversation, I'm widely read and well versed in world affairs and culture. Furthermore I think my sense of charm and humor is ok, but that's hard to judge. I'll error on the side of modesty... My main conversational limitations are that I don't know much about the Seahawks or any of the local teams nor do I own or know much about dogs. Perhaps these deficits are real deal killers here in Seattle....
Treuphax, I wish I'd met you when I was living in Seattle! My friends and I didn't even know who the Seahawks were, lol, and most of us are specialists in Eastern Europe, Russia, and world affairs. We're all multi-lingual and well-travelled. Our experience in Seattle was that Seattle men are too shy or too passive to talk to women. Are you shy? Is that why you rely on online dating? That could be part of your problem. Get involved in activities/organizations that interest you; volunteer for the symphony or opera, a film festival, or something like the World Affairs Council or one of the Seattle Sister City committees. Place yourself in the midst of people who share your interests. And keep at it; don't expect instant results, then give up early in the process.
Some of the women who would be interested in meeting you work at the universities in town. You need to figure out where the target-rich environments are for you. You say you tried REI activities. What about hiking with the Mountaineers or the canoeing/kayaking clubs? Going to art exhibit ppenings downtown or book readings at the UW Bookstore or Elliot Bay Books? What do you do in your free time?
It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. But to find the needle, you have to approach the haystack, and start sifting through it. The haystack isn't going to approach you.
I have one final experience to share that happened to me on the way out of Seattle. There was a food place I frequent with a girl there I talked to occasionally. She was very quiet but one day I asked her about a car accident she was in and was concerned that she go see her doctor immediately. After that she was super friendly to me any time I came in and gave me free stuff. The first time I told her I wasn't sure I should accept things from strangers, and she said "we're not strangers now". I actually felt kind of bad because some days I was not feeling that great and she seemed disappointed I wasn't as talkative back to her as she was to me. (I'm an introvert, but not a sociopath.) This went on for a few months, she was more eager than I, and I stayed very cool but friendly. I wasn't really trying at all, just being polite and nice.
This girl wasn't that great looking, but she seemed nice and slightly out of her element in Seattle. (She was a transplant, in her late 20s.) I told her I was leaving, and later asked her if she wanted to get coffee or a beer before I go. So she gave me her number and acted very happy, like a girl with a crush does. I texted and asked when she had time off work. Then, typical radio silence.
A few days later (after I am gone) she texts me, and says she acted like a jerk and was sorry she blew it. As an experiment, I told her that I actually decided to get a new apartment in a different nearby neighborhood instead. (That was a lie, but I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.) We text back and forth a bit, and I asked her if she wanted to hang out that weekend.
"Oh yeah I'm really busy and just want to spend time with my friends right now."
Stay classy, Seattle.
Last edited by FleeingSeattle; 04-02-2015 at 12:13 PM..
Sounds like she was just being nice. You also put her in an awkward situation because she's likely a nice girl and doesn't like to flat out turn people down. But given how things turned out, she likely didn't want to hurt your feelings but also didn't want to lead you on. You're likely to say that she was leading you on by the way she acted around you, but honestly girls just like to flirt in general so you can't blame her for that. It's pretty much human nature.
I have one final experience to share that happened to me on the way out of Seattle. There was a food place I frequent with a girl there I talked to occasionally. She was very quiet but one day I asked her about a car accident she was in and was concerned that she go see her doctor immediately. After that she was super friendly to me any time I came in and gave me free stuff. The first time I told her I wasn't sure I should accept things from strangers, and she said "we're not strangers now". I actually felt kind of bad because some days I was not feeling that great and she seemed disappointed I wasn't as talkative back to her as she was to me. (I'm an introvert, but not a sociopath.) This went on for a few months, she was more eager than I, and I stayed very cool but friendly. I wasn't really trying at all, just being polite and nice.
This girl wasn't that great looking, but she seemed nice and slightly out of her element in Seattle. (She was a transplant, in her late 20s.) I told her I was leaving, and later asked her if she wanted to get coffee or a beer before I go. So she gave me her number and acted very happy, like a girl with a crush does. I texted and asked when she had time off work. Then, typical radio silence.
A few days later (after I am gone) she texts me, and says she acted like a jerk and was sorry she blew it. As an experiment, I told her that I actually decided to get a new apartment in a different nearby neighborhood instead. (That was a lie, but I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.) We text back and forth a bit, and I asked her if she wanted to hang out that weekend.
"Oh yeah I'm really busy and just want to spend time with my friends right now."
Stay classy, Seattle.
Women and men in Seattle are both flaky.. Don't put too much faith in them or the human race in general.. I am glad to hear you tried to pursue a woman based on her personality rather than just aesthetics.
Keep trying and just realize it is hard to make people fall in love with you.. Try to be a good person, honest, sincere , bold and diligent and don't expect much in return. Running away from Seattle because you don't feel anyone fell in love with you quickly enough isn't going to make you any stronger of a man.
What is your goal to be in a relationship where your a weakling or to be a strong man?
I am sorry if you take this the wrong way, but "BE A MAN".. Just roll with the punches. The girl you want to end up being with will appreciate you are a man and that you don't fall to pieces when her childish, overgrown and insincere self let's you down.
Just some more advice I am giving you.. Something we all can live by.. Women, can many times act very immature in relationships and will only give you that respect you deserve when you can give that respect to yourself and man up.
P.S.
Have you ever considered joining some type of group, activity , movement or something where you will be in some type of community environment. If you find something you are compatible with, you may be able to actually form some type of relationships with women and they can actually get to even know you. Picking up on strangers in the anti-social, mistrusting city of Seattle is going to be awkward ad probably not so fruitful. Seattle is a very cliquey city and you need to join up with something for people to let their guards down and feel like you are in their element.
Silly to generalize stuff like this. Doesn't sound different from DC, or probably any city for the matter. Relationships require mutual effort and appreciation, which seems even harder now that our society focuses on so much individuality, instant gratification, and fast paced lifestyle.
My "statistics" in DC aren't much better but there are dozens of things I'd chalk that up to before saying DC women are bad. Maybe the ones I met didn't relate to me as much. Maybe the culture here is superficial, but that gets perceived both ways (e.g. One girl I rly liked asked me if I was a narcissist once).
Ever try getting out in nature, in the mountains on some trails and meeting the people there? I find attractive, in shape, great attitude, balanced people do that kind of thing.
Last edited by homesinseattle; 04-03-2015 at 08:41 AM..
Oh yeah, I don't have any resentment of her for that. Taken by itself, it would mean nothing. It's just there is always some excuse, 11 out of 11 times. The underlying attitude seems to be that men have no value there.
I'm in another state now and have been seeing the same girl for three weeks, a point I could never get to in Seattle after trying for a year. I don't know how long we'll be together, maybe she will get annoying to me or I will annoy her at some point, but at least I have options now. In Seattle I couldn't even get the ball rolling.
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