Single 31 yr old female hoping to make South Bay work! (San Jose: how much, theatre)

[MissJakob]

I'm a single 31 year old female relocating to SF/Bay Area to work in downtown Palo Alto. I'm coming from NYC, but have lived all over (Chicago, Denver, Durham, LA). I'm not crazy about expensive urban living, I'm over my late drunk bar night party days, and am fine doing the suburban thing, but I want a social and *activities* scene. Here's what I'm looking for:

- other singles to socialize with (preferably professional single males in their early to mid 30s also looking to date)
- abundance of activities/things to do (gyms, social and sports groups, artsy classes, outdoorsy stuff, shopping, nightlife) - both to meet people and also for my own personal interests

I want to make South Bay as much as I can and prefer not to commute from the city. I've heard downtown Palo Alto, Mountain View, or Santana Row have what I'm looking for. Basically, I just want to know that as a single woman, I'm going to be able to meet people, date, and create a social network in the "burbs." Thoughts? How do single professionals meet others? Thanks in advance!!

[peninsular]

mod cut. From your preferences sounds like you belong in Palo Alto. However, there you won't be able to completely escape "expensive urban living", just the urban part.

[ccm123]

San Mateo and Los Gatos would also be good places to check out. On the weekend, Downtown Walnut Creek also.

[nagleepark]

Dating for single guys here is difficult. Dating for single women is difficult, too. For women, the phrase, "The odds are good but the goods are odd," might apply.

Many guys are already married by their early 30s. Of divorced guys, many keep to themselves and don't date. Of the single guys, many are nerds who work long hours, play video games and don't date. Many of the single guys that do date talk about how much money they make and think that women are only after their money. It's all pretty hostile to dating.

I think that there are gyms, social and sports groups, artsy classes, outdoorsy stuff and shopping. But, if you expect to date, I'd say to concentrate on your career and don't be surprised if you have a long dry spell.

[bobby_guz_man]

Originally Posted by nagleepark

Dating for single guys here is difficult. Dating for single women is difficult, too. For women, the phrase, "The odds are good but the goods are odd," might apply.

Many guys are already married by their early 30s. Of divorced guys, many keep to themselves and don't date. Of the single guys, many are nerds who work long hours, play video games and don't date. Many of the single guys that do date talk about how much money they make and think that women are only after their money. It's all pretty hostile to dating.

I think that there are gyms, social and sports groups, artsy classes, outdoorsy stuff and shopping. But, if you expect to date, I'd say to concentrate on your career and don't be surprised if you have a long dry spell.

And for OP, just in case you're a bit confused, the above goes for the entire Bay Area, not just the South Bay. And obviously, it's nowhere as bad as the above poster made it sound.

Some of us likes to sensationalize the "all work, no play" aspect of the Bay Area, but it really is up to you. I find that social people will always have dates. People who has a "go get them" attitude will always have dates, and not just dates, but other things in life as well

[sjnative]

Originally Posted by MissJakob

I'm a single 31 year old female relocating to SF/Bay Area to work in downtown Palo Alto. I'm coming from NYC, but have lived all over (Chicago, Denver, Durham, LA). I'm not crazy about expensive urban living, I'm over my late drunk bar night party days, and am fine doing the suburban thing, but I want a social and *activities* scene. Here's what I'm looking for:

- other singles to socialize with (preferably professional single males in their early to mid 30s also looking to date)
- abundance of activities/things to do (gyms, social and sports groups, artsy classes, outdoorsy stuff, shopping, nightlife) - both to meet people and also for my own personal interests

Wow, you're assuming you'll have a lot of free time on your hands.

If you want all that free time, you'll almost have to have (1) a short commute, (2) a commute by carpool in which you don't drive or (3) a commute by public transit as when you drive a prolonged commute in stop & go traffic, it drains not only your time but your energy.

Originally Posted by MissJakob

I want to make South Bay as much as I can and prefer not to commute from the city. I've heard downtown Palo Alto, Mountain View, or Santana Row have what I'm looking for. Basically, I just want to know that as a single woman, I'm going to be able to meet people, date, and create a social network in the "burbs." Thoughts? How do single professionals meet others? Thanks in advance!!

If you want a vibrant single 30-something scene, you want SF. That's the demography who can afford to live there and do so, many of whom have already lived in the south bay to be close to work but got so bored that they moved to SF.

If you want to live in the south bay, you'll find most 30-somethings there/here are married and raising families. Downtown Palo Alto and Downtown Mountain View are both tiny, especially the latter. Santana Row is a nice artifice but you may or may not like the men you meet there. IMO, they're all inferior to SF.

[bobby_guz_man]

Originally Posted by sjnative

Wow, you're assuming you'll have a lot of free time on your hands.

If you want all that free time, you'll almost have to have (1) a short commute, (2) a commute by carpool in which you don't drive or (3) a commute by public transit as when you drive a prolonged commute in stop & go traffic, it drains not only your time but your energy.



If you want a vibrant single 30-something scene, you want SF. That's the demography who can afford to live there and do so, many of whom have already lived in the south bay to be close to work but got so bored that they moved to SF.

If you want to live in the south bay, you'll find most 30-somethings there/here are married and raising families. Downtown Palo Alto and Downtown Mountain View are both tiny, especially the latter. Santana Row is a nice artifice but you may or may not like the men you meet there. IMO, they're all inferior to SF.

All the men are inferior to SF, or you're referring to the area/scene?

[nagleepark]

Originally Posted by bobby_guz_man

And for OP, just in case you're a bit confused, the above goes for the entire Bay Area, not just the South Bay. And obviously, it's nowhere as bad as the above poster made it sound.

Some of us likes to sensationalize the "all work, no play" aspect of the Bay Area, but it really is up to you. I find that social people will always have dates. People who has a "go get them" attitude will always have dates, and not just dates, but other things in life as well

I did say that it is difficult, not hopeless. If she likes the geeky type, so much the better.

[bobby_guz_man]

It's not even difficult.

I never had any issues with dating and I live in the South Bay all my life. Granted, I have a car and I use it a lot throughout the entire region. But I dated just as many folks in the SF area as I dated in the Oakland area as I dated in the San Jose area.

And I'm not even a social guy. It helps to have many circles of acquaintances, and you just got to say Hi and smile more often, drop the ego **** and everything will be a-OK.

[Wry_Martini]

MissJakob, I'm a bit older than you, and I've been able to make the South Bay work. It's taken a bit of effort, but I've been able to build a fairly rich social life. There are pockets that are more urban, and where you're more likely to either find singletons or DINKS.

I thought about living in SF, and was sorely tempted, but ultimately, I didn't want the commute - I decided I'd have a better QoL if I lived closer to work. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the South Bay isn't all 100% suburbia. It's not SF, but it's not exactly Pleasantville, either. And if you I want to go up to SF for a night or a weekend, it's a pretty short trip.

I'd call the vibe more "Work Hard, Play Hard" than "All Work and No Play." Dating and making friendships is definitely doable, but you may find you have to work at it a bit harder. (I've had my best luck dating people who have been introduced to me by coworkers and people in my professional network, but YMMV.)

I've also had luck meeting people (friends as well as romantic interests) by getting involved in things -- I'm very passionate about the arts, so I looked for social and volunteer opportunities related to museums and theatre. If you're into sports, outdoors stuff, etc, there's a plethora of that, too.