Do You Feel You've Matured Since You Were a Teenager (19)? (divorce, move)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't know what "matured" means, really, but I don't think I have done it.
I am basically the same person as I was when I was 19, except more healed (and more damaged, simultaneously!), and "wiser" (I learned how to do some stuff). But basically, I am not more intelligent, or that much different. How about you?
Waitaminnit . . . you've managed to make yourself healthier and wiser. How is that not more mature? Not that much different? Of course not. Wherever you go, there you are.
I know people who are no healthier or wiser in older age than they were as children. *That* is a failure to mature.
(I don't know that intelligence changes much over life. What might change (happened to someone I know) is that sometimes 'different learners' aren't perceived as intelligent, and then later on they or someone else becomes aware of the difference so they can use it to their advantage.)
“Maturity” is an amorphous and subjective concept. Does it mean wisdom? Greater range of experience? Evolving tastes? More self-control?
Here’s a trivial but illustrative example. Decades ago, kids used to like sports cars. Yes? Then, as people “mature”, they need more reliable transportation. Maybe something to transport the whole family. Then, maybe something more luxurious and softly-sprung, with easier ingress/egress. Thus the SUV craze. But what about somebody who never has kids, who stays fit and trim, and spends a lifetime driving and enjoying sports cars. Is that person “immature”? His tastes haven’t evolved since teenage years. Does that bespeak a cocooned limitation, a narrow scope? Or on the other hand, consistency and firmness of conviction?
Even if our wisdom grows, does our character actually evolve? Suppose that by nature I’m a greedy person. With experience, I learn to sublimate my greed, to be more deferential to others and thus to avoid greed manifesting itself in basic daily interactions. What I’ve learned is better self-control, or if you like, emotional intelligence. But my basic character – the latent greed – remains. Have I then “matured” – or simply grown situationally more adroit and successful?
It’s also possible to de-mature. Some teenagers are dissolute and impulsive. But others are studious and dedicated. Well, as one ages, and sees more of the world, it’s easy to become more cynical, no? Cynicism leads to loss of faith in the utility or even the justice of working hard, of being honest, of taking things seriously and trying to prepare. If it’s all about luck, nepotism, connections, loopholes – why be dedicated or strive for fairness? It feels to be more justified to cheat, to bend rules and eventually to break them. The older person is thus less mature than the younger.
So, yes… it’s possible to internalize a lifetime of experience, growing more adept at living, all while not becoming any more mature – or possibly even becoming less mature.
I don't know what "matured" means, really, but I don't think I have done it.
I am basically the same person as I was when I was 19, except more healed (and more damaged, simultaneously!), and "wiser" (I learned how to do some stuff). But basically, I am not more intelligent, or that much different. How about you?
I agree on both counts, with the caveat that different people will have different definitions of what "matured" means.
IMHO, "matured" means that we have learned something (whatever that may be) from whatever mistakes we have made during our previous decades, and for the most part that has made us more likely to think before we speak or act .... most of the time. Not all of the time, necessarily, because after all, nobody's perfect.
I'm sure we all know people who seem compelled to repeat the same destructive behavior(s) over and over again, seemingly in the face of logic, reason, and/or experience. IMHO such people have not "matured", i.e., either have not learned or are unwilling to learn from past experience.
The whole learning-from-mistakes/experience thing is how I interpret being "older and wiser." Learning how to do stuff, IMHO, falls under the banner of "skills" rather than "wisdom." I do now have some skills that I didn't have when in my teens, twenties, thirties, and forties (and also have lost the physical ability to perform some skills that I previously had, but that's another subject entirely, LOL)
That said, I do know myself (personalitywise) better than I did when I was 19. For example, I attached way too much importance to what other people thought of me, back then. But I didn't really change in that regard until I was in my late 50s, to be honest. And I no longer automatically assume that any person I interact with is "honest/ethical/'good'/etc until proven otherwise." That too is a result of repeated negative experiences and rude awakenings. People are not always what they seem, and some are very very good at hiding their true natures and/or intentions. It makes me sad that I feel the need to curb my still-innate inclination to trust people, but that's what life does to you sometimes. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" has become my mantra.
I know someone who often behaves in an emotionally immature way to things said, to discussion, to events and incidences.
I've told him he behaves in an emotionally immature way - and at age 66, he is trying to change this trait and way of responding to things in the world. (and to people)
I agree on both counts, with the caveat that different people will have different definitions of what "matured" means.
IMHO, "matured" means that we have learned something (whatever that may be) from whatever mistakes we have made during our previous decades, and for the most part that has made us more likely to think before we speak or act .... most of the time. Not all of the time, necessarily, because after all, nobody's perfect.
I'm sure we all know people who seem compelled to repeat the same destructive behavior(s) over and over again, seemingly in the face of logic, reason, and/or experience. IMHO such people have not "matured", i.e., either have not learned or are unwilling to learn from past experience.
The whole learning-from-mistakes/experience thing is how I interpret being "older and wiser." Learning how to do stuff, IMHO, falls under the banner of "skills" rather than "wisdom." I do now have some skills that I didn't have when in my teens, twenties, thirties, and forties (and also have lost the physical ability to perform some skills that I previously had, but that's another subject entirely, LOL)
That said, I do know myself (personalitywise) better than I did when I was 19. For example, I attached way too much importance to what other people thought of me, back then. But I didn't really change in that regard until I was in my late 50s, to be honest. And I no longer automatically assume that any person I interact with is "honest/ethical/'good'/etc until proven otherwise." That too is a result of repeated negative experiences and rude awakenings. People are not always what they seem, and some are very very good at hiding their true natures and/or intentions. It makes me sad that I feel the need to curb my still-innate inclination to trust people, but that's what life does to you sometimes. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" has become my mantra.
This is interesting to me. My kids used to say "I have to make my own mistakes," and I would think "why do you want to make mistakes?" I have always tried to avoid making mistakes (but of course, have made a ton, as any human would - I just don't expect to keep making them).
As far as life mistakes I have made - I see I did certain things and expected a particular result and got another one sometimes (and unfavorable) - and I notice what led me to the actions . . . I can't think of many things I did over and over again that were just dumb or stupid that I learned from . . . I think I've been pretty careful in life (maybe THAT is a mistake).
This isn't to say I don't have regrets, because I do regret my unconsciousness around a few things - if I had been more aware of what I was doing, I would have done something else, but that's the kind of thing that can't really be changed, just accepted.
“Maturity” is an amorphous and subjective concept. Does it mean wisdom? Greater range of experience? Evolving tastes? More self-control?
Here’s a trivial but illustrative example. Decades ago, kids used to like sports cars. Yes? Then, as people “mature”, they need more reliable transportation. Maybe something to transport the whole family. Then, maybe something more luxurious and softly-sprung, with easier ingress/egress. Thus the SUV craze. But what about somebody who never has kids, who stays fit and trim, and spends a lifetime driving and enjoying sports cars. Is that person “immature”? His tastes haven’t evolved since teenage years. Does that bespeak a cocooned limitation, a narrow scope? Or on the other hand, consistency and firmness of conviction?
Even if our wisdom grows, does our character actually evolve? Suppose that by nature I’m a greedy person. With experience, I learn to sublimate my greed, to be more deferential to others and thus to avoid greed manifesting itself in basic daily interactions. What I’ve learned is better self-control, or if you like, emotional intelligence. But my basic character – the latent greed – remains. Have I then “matured” – or simply grown situationally more adroit and successful?
It’s also possible to de-mature. Some teenagers are dissolute and impulsive. But others are studious and dedicated. Well, as one ages, and sees more of the world, it’s easy to become more cynical, no? Cynicism leads to loss of faith in the utility or even the justice of working hard, of being honest, of taking things seriously and trying to prepare. If it’s all about luck, nepotism, connections, loopholes – why be dedicated or strive for fairness? It feels to be more justified to cheat, to bend rules and eventually to break them. The older person is thus less mature than the younger.
So, yes… it’s possible to internalize a lifetime of experience, growing more adept at living, all while not becoming any more mature – or possibly even becoming less mature.
I agree with most of this, but disagree that a choice of an interesting car over a boring transportation appliance is "trivial". I would say it's more like "fundamental" or "essential".
To paraphrase Jose Ortega y Gassat, One does not prefer a soft ride over taut handling because one is old, but the reverse: One is old because he prefers a soft ride over taut handling.
So my friend, "salut!" - let us remain "forever young" like my nearly 80 year old friend who still drives Alfas and rides an old Guzzi!
The whole learning-from-mistakes/experience thing is how I interpret being "older and wiser." Learning how to do stuff, IMHO, falls under the banner of "skills" rather than "wisdom." I do now have some skills that I didn't have when in my teens, twenties, thirties, and forties (and also have lost the physical ability to perform some skills that I previously had, but that's another subject entirely, LOL)
When your skills are connected with high stakes (eg, when people's lives depend upon your skills), acquisition and polishing of skills does start to fall under the banner of "wisdom", believe me :-)... when 1/32 of an inch of difference in placement of something in a human body makes difference between the person later living as an accomplished person or a vegetable, the level of skill becomes the level of wisdom. Read the two autobiographies of Dr. Henry Marsh, "Do No Harm" and "Admissions". Acquisition of factual knowledge and skills is very underrated in its role in acquisition of mature wisdom. Even if you don't operate on people's brains, your interactions with other people are probably at least to some extent based on what you offer (or have offered in the past) to other people based on your skills, so those skills must have been a part of your path to social maturity. Acquisition of a skill is an experience, and wisdom results from experience. A robot of course has no capacity to reflect on its own skills and their implications, but a human being usually does.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
