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So just a discussion for anyone here who has experienced this.
I am the spouse who cannot retire! I'm 56 y/o and I work for a government entity. I spent most of my life working in the private sector so it will take me until I'm about 64 for any of the fixed pension to be worthwhile. I've always had a 401K though and I think it's funded pretty well (I could always use more!!).
My husband was in the military active due for 8 years, got out, and has worked in the trades since his late 20s. He now is able to retire, at 57 from his job with a full pension, but has so far stayed on an extra year. The longer he works, the more bonus points he earns, making the pension higher. He has two smaller pensions that kick in when he's 64. He is in very good health, physically active (does triatholons, etc), but I think he's just had enough of working in cold buildings and working in situations where his peeing in a port-a-john all the time, etc. Typical stuff of that sort of job, but he's paid well and our health insurance is free.
If he retires, he drops down from making about $90K per year to pulling in a gross monthly pension of about $2900 and then we have start paying $400 per month for our health insurance by buying the retiree plan (free when working).
We can certainly afford to do this because I make a very good salary and our expenses are very low.
I feel very petty typing this out, but I feel kind of resentful over this. I'm trying to get past it because I know the type of work he does is not nearly as physically easy as my office job, but still. I guess I don't like the feeling that I *will* have to be the breadwinner for at least the next 8 years or so until SS can be taken. It makes me feel stressed and that's not a feeling I wanted at the end of my career.
Of course, I have told him all my feelings, which he thinks I'm putting that on myself and he says "Sorry I just can't do it anymore."
We have been to a planner and financially it can all work, but I still feel like he's really cutting us short. There were those really "bad" years of when I turn 64 and I retire and we would have very little income coming in IMO. Planners felt I should hold off my SS until 70 for some reason and him not pulling his until 67. We are going back to see them in a few weeks because they didn't have a lot of info on my husbands whole retirement scenario on our first visit so they were going to research that for our next visit.
Personally I would like my husband to work until 62, get a few more bonus years, and then I think I'd feel better. I feel like we've both worked for so long just to keep up with the kids' expenses and college. Just had the last one graduate in 2018 and for the last year, my money ha been mine for the FIRST time and now I see it all ending.
Anyway, his mind seems really set and, jokingly, the only way around it is to divorce him!!! But I was wondering anyone on this board is a part of a couple where retirement was different for you both and how did you manage it.
No personal experience here. But two possibilities. One he could find a different job for several years. Or two he could become the homemaker and do all the cooking, cleaning, organizing to free you up a little. Number one would be best of course.
Maybe he would consider becoming a handyman. Easy work in nice homes with real toilets. A good handyman is worth gold. One or two jobs and the referrals take over. Or work for a company that provides handyman services. There is a real need for people to do small repairs in homes.
and since he was in the military - maybe he can check with the VA to see if he has any conditions that might qualify him for some benefits - even a small pension. You never know.
My brother is in this situation, they have a lot of money already but his wife doesn’t want him to retire, stay at home and cause trouble. He likes to garden, has a huge yard. But I can see her worries, she’s only 54. Health insurance is not a problem. I never tell people what to do, it’s between them, but finally last year he did get a job closer to home, no more getting up early, he is really happy about it.
You shouldn’t feel resentful, it can make you sick. Have you run FIRECALC? can you retire when he does. If yes, retire with him.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Since you were a military couple, certainly you are used to being apart and doing stuff separately (including vacations).
You have a difference of objectives at the moment (and maybe for as many as 9 more yrs, for you).
Trivial, I would negotiate a plan that would work for all (including your family).
He now is able to retire, at 57 from his job with a full pension..."Sorry I just can't do it anymore."Excellent, he is free (If he so desires)
I'm 56 y/o and I work for a government entity.,,...We can certainly afford to do this because I make a very good salary and our expenses are very low.Excellent, keep working if that is what you desire (feel you need), Enjoy the paid vacation, look into taking as much time off as possible, without delaying retirement. I took a lot of time without pay (every pay period if possible)
I don't like the feeling that I *will* have to be the breadwinner for at least the next 8 years or soNot Excellent... Many of us have been the SOLE breadwinner since day one... 40 - 60 yrs, got our kids through college, our parents cared for, and still left employment early (age 49 for me on an hourly night shift salary (low))
keep up with the kids' expenses and college. Just had the last one graduate in 2018So they are GONE? Hallelujah!! Mine didn't cost me a dime from age 16 on, they were financially on their own. Yours was a choice to fund.
BTW... MY money has NEVER been mine (from age 12). I cared for my parents & siblings, then my family. MY money will never be mine, I will pass away as a caregiver for ill spouse (who never brought a penny to the party), (I already cared for my ailing Vet father from my age 18 - 52). Such is life... then it is over!
Do what is right (for the OTHERS in your life). You will sleep a lot better tonight and for eternity
My situation was a bit different because DH was 15 years older, but when we married I was 50 and he was 65. We moved halfway across the country for my job and he started SS. He was in advertising- you can imagine how marketable a 65-year old is in THAT business. He was able to do some freelance work that brought in $7,000-$8,000 a year for quite awhile.
It worked very well for us. DH was a good cook, took care of all the home maintenance, getting multiple bids and doing a lot of research, maintained the pool and kept the house clean- sort of. OK, he wasn't a very rigorous housekeeper but that's the worst I can say about him. I traveled a lot, many times to Europe and India; he kept things running smoothly while I was gone. He even went car-shopping, a process I hated, while I was in India and we made a final choice when he e-mailed me details on his "short list". We could also travel constrained only by my vacation schedule. I eventually retired at 61 and DH died a little over a year later.
I like the idea of your DH finding another job- less pressure, fewer physical demands but enough to make a difference financially.
So just a discussion for anyone here who has experienced this.
I am the spouse who cannot retire! I'm 56 y/o and I work for a government entity. I spent most of my life working in the private sector so it will take me until I'm about 64 for any of the fixed pension to be worthwhile. I've always had a 401K though and I think it's funded pretty well (I could always use more!!).
My husband was in the military active due for 8 years, got out, and has worked in the trades since his late 20s. He now is able to retire, at 57 from his job with a full pension, but has so far stayed on an extra year. The longer he works, the more bonus points he earns, making the pension higher. He has two smaller pensions that kick in when he's 64. He is in very good health, physically active (does triatholons, etc), but I think he's just had enough of working in cold buildings and working in situations where his peeing in a port-a-john all the time, etc. Typical stuff of that sort of job, but he's paid well and our health insurance is free.
If he retires, he drops down from making about $90K per year to pulling in a gross monthly pension of about $2900 and then we have start paying $400 per month for our health insurance by buying the retiree plan (free when working).
We can certainly afford to do this because I make a very good salary and our expenses are very low.
I feel very petty typing this out, but I feel kind of resentful over this. I'm trying to get past it because I know the type of work he does is not nearly as physically easy as my office job, but still. I guess I don't like the feeling that I *will* have to be the breadwinner for at least the next 8 years or so until SS can be taken. It makes me feel stressed and that's not a feeling I wanted at the end of my career.
Of course, I have told him all my feelings, which he thinks I'm putting that on myself and he says "Sorry I just can't do it anymore."
We have been to a planner and financially it can all work, but I still feel like he's really cutting us short. There were those really "bad" years of when I turn 64 and I retire and we would have very little income coming in IMO. Planners felt I should hold off my SS until 70 for some reason and him not pulling his until 67. We are going back to see them in a few weeks because they didn't have a lot of info on my husbands whole retirement scenario on our first visit so they were going to research that for our next visit.
Personally I would like my husband to work until 62, get a few more bonus years, and then I think I'd feel better. I feel like we've both worked for so long just to keep up with the kids' expenses and college. Just had the last one graduate in 2018 and for the last year, my money ha been mine for the FIRST time and now I see it all ending.
Anyway, his mind seems really set and, jokingly, the only way around it is to divorce him!!! But I was wondering anyone on this board is a part of a couple where retirement was different for you both and how did you manage it.
the more boomers who can retire the better for those under you longing to take your job. I am waiting for a 67-year-old woman to retire, well, I stopped waiting, but I was. She is loaded and her husband is a retired navy general now working at a bank in his early 70s. Retire if you can. You will survive on the money you have. Life is too short. Way too many people die at 59/60, right when they are on the cusp.
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I'm 56 y/o and I work for a government entity. I spent most of my life working in the private sector so it will take me until I'm about 64 for any of the fixed pension to be worthwhile. I've always had a 401K though and I think it's funded pretty well (I could always use more!!).
