Growing Old All Alone (friend, married, housing, husband)
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I worked Customer Service opening accounts at a bank for years and found that the newly single through death (older) men were helpless when it came to the financial matters as the wife took care of everything. I felt for them, they were so sorrowful that their wife was gone. IMO a higher percentage than newly single (widowed) women.
Disclaimer: this was "back in the day" and was the "Greatest Generation" members.
It's because men overwhelmingly benefit from having a wife. Women get less benefit from having a husband. That's why so many widows say they would never marry again. Being a wife involves a lot of servitude. Men benefit from being served by women.
I must have been brought up differently -
I have lots of brothers. My mom made sure they all knew how to cook and clean and even sew! She didn't want them to grow up depending on some hussy -lol. She never wanted them to get married is what we always said. And they are married and they continue to do lots of the household chores - they like it. And they also work.
It's because men overwhelmingly benefit from having a wife. Women get less benefit from having a husband. That's why so many widows say they would never marry again. Being a wife involves a lot of servitude. Men benefit from being served by women.
I worked Customer Service opening accounts at a bank for years and found that the newly single through death (older) men were helpless when it came to the financial matters as the wife took care of everything. I felt for them, they were so sorrowful that their wife was gone. IMO a higher percentage than newly single (widowed) women.
Disclaimer: this was "back in the day" and was the "Greatest Generation" members.
yea - my mom didn't have an actual away from home job, but always handled the money.
But then there was the extreme version of in control men. I know one lady about 70 - she said her father didn't even let her mom do the grocery shopping. I guess he didnt trust her with money.
And our across the street neighbor. We rarely saw her leave the house. It wasn't until the husband passed away that she "bloomed".
I don't know many men whose wives manage most of the financial and similar affairs. Maybe it's just my independent nature, but I'd at least want my eyeballs to see what's going on.
I'm not the best cook, but I can feed myself. I don't need anyone else to do that for me. I make sure the bills get paid. I manage my own money.
I can't imagine that simply getting married would cause me to kind of fade into the background. The wife may "do it," but I'd at least be aware of what is going on.
You are self sufficient and have lived alone.
You don’t know many professional women at all in your small town, small view of life Tennessee. Many women, even retirement age are financially savvy- and handle the family finances.
Some men have been taken care of by their mothers, then by their wives for most of their lives. Not my husband or son- but I do see it around me. There are also women who were “princess” types, then when married, were taken care of by hubby- later lost when needing to handle their own life alone.
I would not marry again for financial reasons. I would have my husbands pension at 100%, as well as survivor benefit.
I worked Customer Service opening accounts at a bank for years and found that the newly single through death (older) men were helpless when it came to the financial matters as the wife took care of everything. I felt for them, they were so sorrowful that their wife was gone. IMO a higher percentage than newly single (widowed) women.
Disclaimer: this was "back in the day" and was the "Greatest Generation" members.
With people marrying later in life though the younger generations may not have those same issues.
It's because men overwhelmingly benefit from having a wife. Women get less benefit from having a husband. That's why so many widows say they would never marry again. Being a wife involves a lot of servitude. Men benefit from being served by women.
I always thought I was making his life easier out of love. I never thought of it as servitude, but you're right, it is.
I also thought marriage was about two people making each other's lives easier, but it seems I was wrong about that.
It's because men overwhelmingly benefit from having a wife. Women get less benefit from having a husband. That's why so many widows say they would never marry again. Being a wife involves a lot of servitude. Men benefit from being served by women.
Not always, it’s not like that in every household. I get served breakfast everyday. One of brothers cooks often. The other brother’s OH raised his kid alone many years while he was on long term assignment. She also has more money than he does, owns the house they currently live in.
True all of my brothers and I benefit from our spouse, it’s mutual, all of their spouses and my husband also benefit from marriage. We all would be worse off without our spouse.
Not having a spouse doesn't have to mean living all alone. You can live near family (if you like each other, haha) and visit frequently and on holidays. We lived within a couple hours of MIL after FIL passed away, and we spent at least one weekend a month, sometimes two, with her. It helped that she lived in a fun tourist destination, so it gave us all things to do other than sit around the house. Her niece and niece's hubby lived a few blocks from her, and helped when she needed things done that couldn't wait. They also socialized with her once every week or two. And we all phoned on a regular basis, like every 3 or 4 days, just to check in and chat about our day. She also had several phone friends from her past, and they phoned and communicated by mail frequently. Later she lived with us, and then in Independent Living and Assisted Living. So she really was never totally alone. I think for her that was really important, after 60+ years with her hubby. She was in her words "not a joiner", so she wouldn't participate in things like card groups, group trips from the senior center, etc. She did like to volunteer, and did so as long as she was able, through the Catholic church and the local hospital auxiliary.
I think it's entirely possible to have a full life and many friends and activities while living alone. I'm a person that needs a lot of quiet time, so I don't fear a life alone. I have enough $$ to pay for things I can't do. And friends are where you make them, so if I'm alone it would be through my own doing, and therefor fixable by me.
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