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Back in the day I had two soul mates, which led me to conclude that where there were two, there might be three or four or maybe a dozen and oh how I enjoyed the search. Such were the carefree (and aids-worry free) days of the seventies.
Eventually I encountered biscuitpop who wasn't then and isn't now a soul mate but this year we've been together for 36 years, most but not all of them happy. The bumps in his head fit the holes in mine so it works. He's the practical pig, I'm the starry-eyed hippie, together we just work, I wouldn't trade him for a soul mate.
This more or less reflects me. "DH" and I entered a committed relationship at the (too young) ages of 19 and 21. We were not soul mates; we were stubborn young artists with high levels of individualism, so compromising was never easy. If it weren't for him though I would never have had the creative experiences and freedoms (or wonderful kids) I've had, as he's more up in the clouds and me very much down to earth. A soul mate, I suppose, would have matched me in many more ways. The entire marriage (38 yrs, until our divorce much due to stressful life events and our differing responses to them) was testy but still close and based on strong underlying psychological and physical attraction (of opposites, lol). He has been a great, if laid-back and nondiscipllnary, father. Our kids love him. He is a loner-type, wanting only to be outside in his garden when not working (he should have been a farmer). So when we got back together a few years ago it felt right; as we age, we realized the attraction and "almost" soul mate status between us and seems good enough. You don't want to be around when we have a discussion of certain subjects though, because we never agree and I just stop talking and retreat, thinking whose "right" just doesn't matter anymore. You can still love someone you don't agree with or have the same perspective with. Makes life interesting.
I don't think the term "soul mate" is dumb per se. I do think it's overused. I don't like using the term "soul mate". I guess the term I use is "the one". What I mean by that term is I ask myself if anyone could ever make me happier in life? Can I envision anyone being a better wife? Or better mother to my kids?
On all questions with me the answer comes to no I can't envision finding anyone that could do a better job. When I look at my wife I do honestly and genuinely believe I found "the one".
I feel fortunate because many people will go through life never finding "the one". Many of my friends are married but not really happily. Most days I wake up and feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
As my post above implies, I don't think there is "the one." That seems a bit presumptuous to me. There is a long history of arranged marriages nearly in all cultures that has nothing to do with personal choice or recognizing "the one." Relationships are sometimes but not always made in heaven.
Commitment is a really tough thing to carry out in a society that encourages quick fixes, easy outs, and mind boggling choices. I can see why there's so many divorces today, and I"m surprised there aren't more. This next generation may not be making so many committed relationships. Kids in general aren't being taught to stick with anything, they can give up on lessons, they can give up on studying, they can even give up on family with little or no parental crackdown or consequences. When they do find a soul mate, it may be more superficial attraction without the traditional "til death do us part" commitment.
Currently I dont have a soul mate because I'm single and my focus has been on my last couple of years in the workforce and preparing for retirement. In the past I've had soul mates, one in particular while others to a lesser degree in those relationships. Having a soul mate is very special, its intimate, its your best friend, no other person matters as much on a daily basis, its a mutual bond. As much as I enjoy and love being single, once I retire I will have plenty of time, its likely that I will seek female companionship which perhaps leads to a soul mate. The only issue that I've experienced in having a soul mate, is the possessiveness and lack of space that these type of relationships tend to have. The ball and chain didn't really sit well with me during those years, perhaps that's changed as I've gotten older.
Currently I dont have a soul mate because I'm single and my focus has been on my last couple of years in the workforce and preparing for retirement. In the past I've had soul mates, one in particular while others to a lesser degree in those relationships. Having a soul mate is very special, its intimate, its your best friend, no other person matters as much on a daily basis, its a mutual bond. As much as I enjoy and love being single, once I retire I will have plenty of time, its likely that I will seek female companionship which perhaps leads to a soul mate. The only issue that I've experienced in having a soul mate, is the possessiveness and lack of space that these type of relationships tend to have. The ball and chain didn't really sit well with me during those years, perhaps that's changed as I've gotten older.
The only way "we" can stay together is by giving each other tons of space on all levels. We will never be joined at the hip. We've learned that with our personality types now as we age we need to step back and not always be involved in each other's leisure time. After bringing up four kids we could never separate ourselves out as individuals in terms of leisure time. That was part of our stress. It's great to be mostly retired now and when I take off with friends I leave him happily stirring his compost.
The only way "we" can stay together is by giving each other tons of space on all levels. We will never be joined at the hip. We've learned that with our personality types now as we age we need to step back and not always be involved in each other's leisure time. After bringing up four kids we could never separate ourselves out as individuals in terms of leisure time. That was part of our stress. It's great to be mostly retired now and when I take off with friends I leave him happily stirring his compost.
I stop in briefly just to see what all you are up to and get a good laugh
I found mine at the age of twenty-one. And I knew the same day I met her. Forty-one years this July. Still head-over-heels and best friends.
You ask how I knew and I can't give a definitive answer. I just knew the moment I saw her. Everyone should be so blessed.
And our formula (one of them) give 60% and take 40% in the relationship. It works.
We laugh together every day. We tell each other we love each other every day. We touch every day. We kiss every day. Some people say you have to work at having a good marriage. I don't consider any of that to be work.
Perhaps a little less work and a little more play would be in order.
.
Marriage= :rolle yes: It's a heck of a roller coaster ride but yes I found my soul mate.
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:rolle yes:
It's a heck of a roller coaster ride but yes I found my soul mate.
