Christian/Agnostic Marriage (hell, church, atheist, suicide)

[dafdtfd]

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

[Dewdroplet76]

I think that is for you two to decide. Being agnostic myself - I plan on raising my children similar to how I was raised. I wasn't raised with any religion but was exposed to a few different religions, went to church sometimes with friends, took some religion classes in highschool and college, and asked my parents what they believed when I was curious - and they answered me honestly. My mom was raised Christian and doesn't really believe in Christianity anymore but believes in a higher power. My father was raised Jewish and was completely agnostic.
But like I said - it is for you two to decide. Being that I'm not religious myself - I see nothing wrong with taking your children to church if that is what is important to you (and if it is okay with him) - but also letting your husband answer your children honestly if they ask him about his beliefs.
Although not religious myself - I can imagine that it would be hard to marry someone with the same beliefs and then have them change. It would be hard for me if my husband decided to be a Southern Baptist again!
Best of luck to you!

[WonderingWanderer]

Do you still attend church together? So he lost his faith; does he now spend time reading, seeking God or whatever? Or has he just washed his hands of everything spiritual and religious? What led him to the point of being agnostic? Do you guys have open, contemplative conversations, or is it adversarial?
As long as you both talk, then I think nothing is lost. This is a normal part of the adult maturity process. Inward thinking. Some change faiths, some grow stronger in their faith, some strike out on their own path. And some decide it's all hokey.

My thoughts, as the kids grow, teach them what you believe, WHY you believe that, and how they can think and seek and reach their own conclusions. Obviously, implementing that advice would take place over 10 -15+ years.

[Wallisdj]

Being a "true" Christian should be one of the spirit and life attitude, not about how many times one goes to church, how much one contributes to the church, and counting good works.

In my six decades, I have met more Christians who do not even know the word Christ than those who call themselves Christians. Sadly, I have met more "Christians" who haven't the slightest idea (or a warped idea) of what the Christ preached about being a follower of his philosophy.

[lisan23]

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, I'm agnostic and he's Christian. We have a 5 year old child together and he has a son from a previous relationship that we are close to.

We're open and upfront with our child. Our religious differences don't cause problems in our relationship. He doesn't try and convert me, he doesn't try and change my mind, he respects that I have chosen differently than he has. I don't try to change his mind either and I have zero problems with his religious beliefs. If our daughter wants to go to church she can go, if he's not home to take her (he works most weekends) then I've got no issue taking her. I may be agnostic, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with religion.

Just let your daughter know what you believe and let her also be exposed to your husbands beliefs. I personally try and expose our daughter to numerous different religions, especially during Christmas time. We'll celebrate other holidays along with Christmas so that she knows that she has options. She can believe what ever she wants, even if she chooses to believe in nothing.

[sanspeur]

Originally Posted by dafdtfd

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

Teach your kids to think for themselves and decide their own truth. I think by the time they grow up religion will be unimportant in their lives.

[Clintone]

Originally Posted by dafdtfd

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

My extended family is one third Catholic, one third Methodist, and my third has lacked any definitive belief in religion. The third I grew up in might even be described as viewing organized religion as a negative influence.

I no longer view it as a negative influence, having made friends in college with many Christians.

In the third of the family I grew up in, we celebrated Christmas and Easter, though never went to church. We never discussed our own religious views. I know my sister has her religion as "love" on her facebook profile. My mother was raised as a Christian but does not believe in hell or that the Bible is accurate. My father is even less definitive than anyone, remaining unconvinced that the Big Bang happened because there isn't enough evidence, in the same way that he believes there isn't enough evidence for religion.

I find it best not to be too obvious about my lack of belief, and so does my third of the family. All three of our thirds, Methodist, Catholic, and religionless get along great, though we never discuss religion together. It's become an unwritten rule.

A single family with parents with differing views would be different though.

I would like to say that even though my third of the family did not celebrate Easter or Christmas in as much of a religious sense as some Christian families, it was still a lot of fun.

Another thing, though I am not a Christian, I still grew up thinking Jesus was a great guy, as my parents taught me, and that is my rationale for still celebrating Him. They, or maybe my grandmother, gave me children's books on the beginning of Christmas, and the three wise men, the Virgin Mary, guiding star, and all that. I was basically raised as a Christian before about age 8, maybe 10, but without going to church. During adulthood, what changed was talk about organized religion not making sense (no offense intended. I'm including this merely for accuracy) during several relaxed debate discussions with my father, a couple with my mother, and one in which I heard a remark from my sister. My dad and I have always enjoyed debating eachother. I don't wish to go into the specific discussions because you might be offended. To this day, we still celebrate Christmas and Easter, of course. We have an angel for the tree, and sometimes a star, but I think it is more for tradition than religious significance. It is a fun thing. Our three sections our extended family all see eachother at Christmas and Easter too, so this could be another reason why we keep putting the angels up. It keeps things running smoothly.

Also, I hypothesize that there are different kinds of agnostics. My uncle, my father's brother, married a Catholic woman. I sense that he is not so much devout as merely going along for the ride. The two get along well. I know for a fact that my father could not merely go along for the ride. He is very much against organized religion, though I know he has a lot of respect for more quiet, family oriented religion.

I think of myself as agnostic by the way, and sometimes atheist.

[Melvin.George]

Originally Posted by dafdtfd

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

Kinda goes against the NT instructions for a woman not to be submissive to her husband doesn't it?

In my opinion your children should attend a public school. That way the bible will not be a part of their education and I hope the Sunday morning brainwashing doesn't stick. I'm on your husbands team...though it took me nearly all my life to overcome my childhood brainwashing.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by dafdtfd

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

Hopefully you teach them that 2 people with different beliefs and views can still respect and love each other!

[Bendbeaver]

Originally Posted by dafdtfd

My husband and I had been married for 7 years when he told me he had lost his faith and has become agnostic. This hit me like a ton of bricks and have been dealing with this for 6 months now. When we got married we were both Christian and we had been attending church together. I continue to have a strong Christian faith. We have two small children and that is the biggest fear for me -- what do we teach our children when we have such differences in views.

Expose your children to both views, and let them decide. This doesn't have to be a crisis. If you're confident your faith holds up to scrutiny, then your kids should be Christian.

If not, then what's the point of forcing Christianity on your children?

I have no idea why religious people feel they need to teach their children to be religious. It should be something they choose. My wife and I are both atheists, and will let our son decide if the son of God came down to earth and went on a suicide mission to save mankind, then resurrected himself and someone else, turned water into wine, fed the five thousands, etc. But he will also get a complete dose of science, physics, biology, and a complete schooling in the teachings of Carl Sagan, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking. These men worked for their knowledge, unlike the Pope.

Information should be presented as evidence, not fact.